sing when you're wanking
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Friday, April 29, 2005
After watching the brilliant British flick Millions, it got me into the mood to talk about movies. Not about movies that i watched recently, but the upcoming movies that arouse my interest. Yeah yeah, i know it's not a good time to yak about movies given the imminent price hike by the local cinema chains. There are a couple of ways to catch these movies without burning a hole in your wallet, but i shall refrain from mentioning them since most of them run afoul of the law. Anyway, below are a few flicks that are coming out this summer(ie May to July) which i believe will pip your interest. Kingdom of Heaven Stars the swoonable Orlando Bloom as the hero ala Russell Crowe in The Gladiator. Looks promising judging from the trailer, hopes it doesn't turn out to be a mega crapfest like Alexander. And what is it with Orlando Bloom and period epics? He appeared in Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Troy, Pirates of Carribean and now Kingdom of Heaven. Does he has a fetish for period costumes? Fantastic Four Comic geeks would instantly recognise the name Fantastic Four. After the commercial success of Spiderman and X-Men, companies have been queueing up to adapt comics for the big screen. The results were pretty mixed. On one hand, we have blockbusters like the above mentioned movies and others like Constantine, on the other hand utter craps like Hulk, Daredevil and Elektra made the fanboys teared their comic books in rage. The trailer for Fantastic Four certainly looks impressive, but we all know how misleading these trailers can be. However 20th Century Fox was smart enough to cast the babelicious Jessica Alba as one of the leads, giving the hormone raging males plenty of reasons to catch this movie. Batman Begins Ah..a new Batman movie after a long hiatus. After the previous few crappy incarnations of the caped crusader, this new installation looks to right the wrongs of the previous installments. For one they got the critcally acclaimed Christopher Nolan, who was behind the lens for Memento, to helm the camera for this prequel of Batman. Next, this installment looks like it's going back to the darker and heavier setting of Batman 1 and 2. Last but not least, the new Batman costume has no protruding nipples! Sin City Another comic adaption, but this one certainly looks PROMISING. Although it was film on a tight budget of 40 Millions, by the looks of things, it certainly put those bigger budget comic adaptions like Hulk to shame. Film in a predominantly Black and White settings with some color palettes thrown in for emphasis, it gives the movie a sense of noir. I can't promote this movie without talking about the stellar cast. Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Benico Del Toro and the babelicious Jessica Alba, Devon Aoki and Brittana Murphy. I must say, i had never anticipate a movie as much as this ever since Kill Bill 1. Hope it doesn't disappoint me.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:25 PM
Thursday, April 28, 2005
You know it is darn serious when some kiddo hands you not one but TWO Yunnan Haircare discount vouchers.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:19 PM
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
  wah, nowadays primary school very the happening leh. As you can see from the pictures above, the primary school tweeners get to visit the Post Office as part of their school outings. The tweeners were also spotted in shopping malls, and outside Swensen as part of their tour. i wonder who the kids were addressing their letters to? Santa?Kim Jung Il?MM Lee? Or were they replying to Wacko Jacko's invitation to his Neverland ranch? herm...
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:43 PM
With 23 days more to the local premiere of Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith, i started to rewatch Episode 4 to 6 to hype myself for the final chapter of this movie franchise. After watching the digitally remastered version of the original flick, ie Star Wars IV: The New Hope, i realised that: 2. Mark Hamill really can't act. 3. Carrie Fisher has huge knockers. 4. Chewwy is a real pussy. Enough about my musing on the original flick, George Lucas is going to start a new drama series based on the Star Wars Galaxy. The series is going to explain what happened between Episode III and Episode IV, and is set to feature some recurring characters from the six movies. Also i found this nifty advertisement via Lancerlord featuring Lord Vader perhaps planning for a career after his illustrious movie stint.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:22 AM
Monday, April 25, 2005
(change your language to unicode under view/encoding) 彦肥 ：聋挺光，你给我慢着！ 聋挺光： 。。。。 小弟，我好像不认识你。 彦肥 ： 十年前你在一场赌局中， 出老千而害了我爸爸赔上了他的命。今天我要为我爸爸报仇！ 聋挺光： 原来你是彦困的儿子。。。 我早已准备好你为家父报仇此事，随时都能跟你决斗。 彦肥 ： 好！那我们十天后，在赌场见！ 聋挺光： 彦老弟，你多久没读报纸或看新闻了？新加坡只有综合度假胜地， 没有赌场。综合度假胜地里面有赌博设施，但只占2到3%的总面积。 彦肥 ： 。。。。 那好吧，我们十天后，就在综合度假胜地一绝死战！ 十天后。。。。。 彦肥 ： 哇！这个综合度假胜地真的有够他妈的大！不懂那个赌博设施在哪里。。。。。 过了一小时后，彦肥终于找到了赌博设施。 彦肥 ： 倪哪北！真的有够难找！害我差一点迟到。 保安员： 先生，请给我看你的护照。 彦肥 ： 这又不是custom, 看passport for fuck! 保安员： 请问你是游客吗？ 彦肥 ： 游你的蓝啊！我那里像游客？wa si Sing Ga Pore lang, eh hiao tia bo? 哪北！ 保安员： 这样对不起，请先生你付一百块入门费。 彦肥 ： 这是泽麽蓝脚道理？还没进去赌钱，就要我先赔钱！则麽蓝脚道理！！干你娘！ 保安员： 对不起，这是政府为了阻制烂赌现象而所设的规定。 彦肥 ： 真扫兴，弄到老子连仇都不想报了！他妈的！！！
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:09 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Nicked this from the newcastle forum: With 5 games left, Laçi, in the Albanian top flight, are guaranteed to finish bottom. P31, W0 D1 L30, F7 A109, GD-102, Pts 1! Ritvan Kulli resigned as coach after 2 matches (both defeats) and was replaced by Hysen Dedja. He lasted 4 matches (one of which was their solitary draw of the season!), before he resigned after a 6-1 defeat by Dinamo Tiranë. Dode Zima was caretaker manager for 3 matches (all defeats), before Luan Metani took the job on full-time. He was there for 18 matches (all defeats) before he was sacked. Dode Zima took the job again as caretaker, but Sinani Bardhi was appointed in time for the next match. 4 matches into his reign, he is yet to see his team earn a point, or even score a goal! Erion Selmani is their top scorer, with 2 goals. Although one of them was a penalty. Migen Memelli, James Osusi, Klaudio Pipa, Jushi and Adnan Gjini have also scored this season, once each, although Gjini's goal was a penalty. Their last goal was on December 22nd, in a 4-1 defeat. It's always comforting to find other teams performing worse than the one you support.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 2:17 PM
Saturday, April 23, 2005
you should be grateful for not having a son like me. think of the repercussions. the likes of obi-wan, mace windu would probably turn in their graves if they know i'm the chosen one to lead the renaissance of the jedi. george lucas would probably be a bankrupt as his Star War Franchise flops. which means indiana jones probably wont grace the silver screen. and harrison ford might just ends up as a porno actor.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:53 PM
Friday, April 22, 2005
 I am your father. 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:25 PM
i've hijacked your blog. you must be cursing and swearing by now. of course you are wondering why i'm doing this or who i am. i'll answer your first question. i'm bored... you have to make do with this for the moment. as for the 2nd answer, it will require some effort by you. solve this puzzle and it'll lead you to me. well, good luck. hope you can crack it before i get tired of this. oh, don't worry if you can't solve it. i'll return your blog eventually. 91131515156 (this is the code, in case u missed it) ps. i'm the same person who took your msn account. disappointed that you didn't solve my previous puzzle.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:21 PM
Hot on the heels of allowing two integrated resorts to be build in Singapore, i can reveal that there are plans by Bingabore to open a integrated health centre to counter that. You may wonder what is a integrated health centre. The name integrated health centre is actually an euphemism for brothels, coined by the government to reduce the stigma associated with the traditional brothels. The sudden change in the government's attitude towards prostitution is not surprising. In line with the government's friendly stance towards foreign talents, the opening of the integrated health centres(IHC) will allow talents from over the world to work in Bingabore. It is projected that the IHC can attract talents from regional nations, Japan, China, the former Soviet nations and even talents from South American countries. The influx of such immensely talented foreign workers will no doubt boost our economy and help to elevate the existing standards of our local workforce. The tourism sector will also receive a much needed boost with the IHC. Firstly, it will put a stem of Bingabore citizens' forays to regional countries for some merry making. With the amassing of talents in Bingabore, the local citizens will cut back on their regular trips oversea and instead put their money back into the country's coffers. Besides that, the IHC will also entice the tourists to extend their stay. Researchs have shown that the average length of stay by visitors is 3 days. The government hopes that the IHC will help to extend that, and also help to increase the average expenditure by the tourists. Strong emphasis has been placed on the fact that the brothel will only take up 2 to 3 percent of the floor space at the IHC. Men need not worry about the dearth of activities for their family while they seek to enjoy themselves as the remaining 97% floor space will be taken up by shopping malls, hotels, F & B outlets and amusement parks. There are also plans to cater to the female visitors as the government is in the midst of neogotiating with popular male strip bars and gigolo houses to set up operations at the IHC. If the above mentioned plans materialise, expect revenue to double as the female counterparts engage in some tit for tat activities to spite their other halves. But be rest assured, currently there are no plans to hire Steven Lim from Singapore to perform at our IHC. The integrated resorts by Singapore are likely to generate 38,000 jobs for their economy. However the IHC proposed by Bingabore is likely to generate even more jobs. Not counting the number of foreign talents, the IHC is still likely to generate 40,000 jobs. Besides the shopping malls, hotels, F & B outlets and amusement parks mentioned earlier, pimps, police, counsellors, private detectives are in demand with the opening of the IHC. Addressing the fears that Bingaboreans will be socially corrupted with the introduction of legalised prostitution in the country, the government has place a $100 entrance fee to deter local citizens from entering the brothel in the IHC. To counter the likely social problems associated with the IHC, Bingabore is planning to be the No. 1 centre to deal with social problems like marital breakdown, sex addiction and a whole load of other sex related woes. Beside dealing with the social issues, Bingabore also aims to be the No.1 healthcare destination for STD patients, specialising in dealing with all kinds of sexual diseases ranging from genital herpes, gonorrhea to even HIV. Only time will tell whether Bingabore government's move to gamble with the country's social morality for economical progression will be successful.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:18 AM
Thursday, April 21, 2005
hur hur hur.. what a great way to celebrate the end my exams. spent close to 50 bucks getting these two sets of gachaphons. could had been more expensive if i tikam it myself but thank god for the existence of shops like latendo.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:55 PM
accept no substitute. no more crappy SD2. lo and behold....  ok it's rumoured to be a short story and not a sequel. but heck, bo he heh mar si ho!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:08 PM
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
one for the retro nintendo fans click here
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:57 PM
Monday, April 18, 2005
over the weekend, my family went to the bishan crematorium to pay our respects to our late grandparents. unlike bing, i didn't encounter anyone communicating with the netherworld. however i got pretty miffed at this new policy set by the crematorium's management. a few years back, the management forbided the visitors to burn joss sticks inside the crematorium to minimise air pollution. while the air pollution reason seemed plausible enough, i guess the real reason was to keep the place clean from solidified wax. on our trip back to the crematorium this time round, the management forbided visitors from bringing food offerings into the crematorium on the ground of pollution too! so how in the blue hell can it leads to pollution? the fragrance of the roasted chicken, or the aroma of coffee? the management may as well ban visitors next time round and get them to pay their respects through their website.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:19 PM
Hur Hur Hur... Me stylish? I would rank that as one of the greatest jokes uttered by mankind. Me liberal? While this trait is more suitable for the yanks, i wouldn't rule out rooting for the opposition parties in Singapore, especially after this self portrait. Me ambitious? Only if i can summon the herculean effort to get my ass of my bed on any given days.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:33 AM
Saturday, April 16, 2005
 Average Joe : Wah lau sibei sian! Recently stomach sibei pain, but pang sai pang bui chu leh. Sibei gan khor! Average Joe2: Eh, you never hear meh. HL got new product leh. Banana Milk, lim liao sure you lao gar kar neng. Average Joe : Wu yea bo......? Average Joe2: Don't believe me? You try la..! Average Joe : Ok....Gulp gulp... Average Joe2: So how, got feeling liao or not? Average Joe : Eh...you got an extra pair of lai khor or not? Narration: Suffering from conspitation? The HL Banana Milk is here to save you! It's so good that you see instant results!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:28 PM
Friday, April 15, 2005
damn i must had "plagiarised" my posts from mrbrown too often that i got labelled as a mini me of mrbrown by lancerlord. that's it, no more links to mrbrown for a week. who is mrbrown you may wonder? mrbrown is one of the pioneers of the local blogging scene and also writes a column for Today newspaper every friday. interested to read what he blogs about? do pay mrbrown.com a visit!(note: mind the caps, it is mrbrown and not MrBrown) shit, must link a few more times to mrbrown before the self imposed ban kicks in. cold turkey can be such a bitch! www.mrbrown.com www.mrbrown.com www.mrbrown.com PS: it's 4:05am in the morning and i'm up just to follow the proceedings between Sporting Lisbon and Newcastle on BBC. yes, i'm that fanatic about Newcastle and i still can't believe why SCV is showing Auxurre vs CSKA Moscow instead of Newcastle match.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 3:45 AM
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
i believes that the nkf charity show has been running for close to a decade or so. the nkf charity show started off as an event whereby the foreign artistes put their heart and soul into their performances in a bid garner donations from the mass. somehow along the way, the charity show degenerated into a Fear Factorisque show whereby the artistes try to outdo each other by performing some life threatening stunts. while it had been successfully pulling in the moolah,it also fuel our sadistic thirst for more life threatening acts at charity events. so much so that it is now necessary for charity shows to include this kind of dangerous segments in order to pull in the donations. it also got me thinking, why wasn't there a charity show to raise funds for the tsunami victims? i can only speculate that the mediacork did not have the time to gather their artistes and subject them to torturous rehearsals for the dangerous stunts. another peeve about local charity shows is how they try to use "emotional blackmail" to garner their donations. while i sympathize and empathize with their sufferings, there's no need to subject us to endless clips of the needy suffering. why can't they just showcase their determination and grit in getting on with their daily lives? while i refrained myself from watching such charity shows, i managed to caught a portion of the latest installment of the nkf charity show at 031's birthday celebration. (Happy Birthday once again~) needless to say, the show once again resorted to using dangerous stunts to solicit for donations. since the nkf charity show looks like it is going to continue for the perpetuity, below are some suggestions for stunts the organiser could try out in the future. 1. THE MRT STUNT Tie one of the daring local artiste onto the mrt track with the train is approaching in 3 mins. If he is unable to untie himself by then, he'll join the growing list of train wreck casualties. And the home viewers are advised not to blink. once you miss it, there's no chances for any replays. why?cause the cameras on the mrt platforms have no recording functions. just another feature of our world class mrt system. 2. THE PIE STUNT No, it doesn't involve artistes gorging themselves silly with pies. PIE as in Pan Island Expressway. Get another daring local artiste to dash across the 4 lanes PIE to rescue a drunken monkey, and dash back to the otherside to put the monkey through a breathalyzer test. If he fails, he goes into the record books as the largest roadkill in this part of our shore. Disclaimer: All the above suggestions are to be taken with a pinch of salt. By no means, i'm encouraging the local charity organizations to adopt my ideas. I'm just showing my disdain through sarcasm.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:38 PM
Monday, April 11, 2005
as usual, chanced upon this blog when it got browned. The Big Fuck(yeah, an obscene name on a porno sounding website) was brave enough to come up with a list of beautiful bloggers, which led to a flood of comments asking why so and so wasn't on the list andother bloggers fawning over some featured babes. Of course, being a hormone raged hot blooded young horny owner of a porno sounding site, i have my personal favourite too. ci'en of wurh.com will no doubt be making guest apperances in my dreams.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:09 AM
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Aye, here's part 2 for this series. seems like no ladies really bothered about the first question..herm Why do ladies treat diamonds as their best friends? I once popped the question to sammm(no, i didnt propose to her) and she answered my question with another question of her own. " Why do guys like cars?" herm... i supposed she was trying to tell me that gals like to flaunt their diamonds like guys d0 with their cars. but wait a minute, we pay big bucks for cars not only for their aesthetic but also for their performance. The horsepower, the acceleration and blah blah.. unless you are telling me that the diamonds can shoot laser, let off a SOS distress call in times of danger or maybe even act as a torchlight, i'm not gonna buy sammm's explaination. so ladies, why huh?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:10 PM
Friday, April 08, 2005
it pains me to type this, but as of 8:36pm my pet tortise 无敌大笨象 passed away. i never felt so attached to a pet ever since our pet dog left us thanks for filling that void in my life
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:35 PM
Ok, im a cantonese but still cannot resist to laugh at the rib tickling entries found on http://hokkienlang.blogsome.com/ If you very eng, understand hokkien, and can stand staring at the screen to decipher the gibberish hokkien pinyin, you are strongly encouraged to visit the site and have a good laugh.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:22 PM
Given more local lads are turning to women from batam,vietnam and other far flung places for their brides, something is surely wrong with a) the local guys, b) the local lasses, c) government(sorry, i've been taught to blame the government for any misfortunes) In order for the local lads to understand the local lasses better, i'm starting this series on questions that men are dying to ask the ladies,but dont have the testicular fortitude to do it. hope the handful of ladies visitors to this porno sounding site can enlighten the lads on how you all function, operates and grooves. this will certainly help the lads who doesnt have enough savings for a mail order bride. so let's kick off with the first question! Why do ladies like MANGO (MNG) products? Till this day, i still dumbfounded why such a fruity label can be so popular among the ladies. the ladies like this brand as much as the lads do for their soccer,porn etc.. Even if their range of apparels are trendy, why cant they change their name to something French, something that sounds classier instead adopting the name of a common fruit.. Ladies, why huh?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:34 AM
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
ok after a day of intense lobbying from the cats and dogs lovers, i have decided to take the easy way out. have a dog and a cat to grace my site. So without further ado, introducing Bucky and Satchel from Get Fuzzy !
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:40 PM
More diabetic inducing tales from bubblemunche, this time on THE MOMENT Exerpts below: "Over the past few days, I realized that things are never going to be the same again. I know that things are never going to be the same again because I find myself finding all sorts of excuses just to see her, because I find myself stealing too many a glance at her, because I don’t feel happy when the person besides me is not her. She is one huge distraction, and try as I might, I simply couldn’t stop thinking about her every single waking and non-waking moment." Click here for the full post. Warning, may cause current losers to get more depressed.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:30 AM
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
  ever since almost every tom dick and harry got a grudge against mr cat, i'm starting this poll for you all to vote for the the choosen one to grace my blog. Let me introduce to you, Mr. Pug. You might remember seeing him appear in Men In Black II and also the Naruto Anime. Who can resist the charm of that long and sexy tongue? Next up, let me introduce the incumbent, Mr. Cat. No stranger to controversy, Mr. Cat has been on the receiving end of some vitriol from the visitors of this humble website. Will he stave off the challenge of the up and coming Mr.Pug and remain as the poster boy of theyodellingwanker.blogspot.com?! Don't hestitate,every vote means a great deal to the future of these two adorable critters. (mr.pug's picture was taken from zenith 's blog while mr.cat's mugshot was taken from deviantart, via Ooof)
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:45 PM
Guys, there's still hope for us! bubblemunche, one of the suayess guy in the local blog scene has finally founda gf!!! So when will my turn come??... (as usual, nicked this from mrbrown. i'm becoming the mouthpiece of his propoganda. hur hur..)
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:04 PM
Monday, April 04, 2005
Given the recent hostility displayed towards the cat featured on my blog, you will be surprised that people even as far flung as Korea actually love this cat.  Picute(top) taken from XinKorea, obviously without his consent while the cat picture is from deviantart.com via Ooof>
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 2:52 PM
Sunday, April 03, 2005
Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:33 PM
wah, now we know why jc students like to go NUS liao, cos the students there more lomantic leh. Can even xian cais in lecture somemore! Even got a sibei steady lecturer to help you. Dunch believe me huh, see this video loh! wah lan leh, why NTU dunch have lecture webcast huh? or not maybe got charbos to the same thing to me leh! (via mrbrown.com)
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:19 PM
Friday, April 01, 2005
Given my somewhat irreverent style of blogging, you would expect that i post some stupid and lame jokes on April 1st. Sorry to disappoint those who were thinking that way as i'm going to post some heavier stuffs today. As the headlines suggest, there were incidents that occured on April 1st that you wished were just mere hoaxes. April 1st 2003 Leslie Cheung, more affectionately known as 哥哥(in cantonese)，plunged to his death from a hotel. When rumours were making rounds in the internet chatrooms and forums, most of us dismissed it as just some twisted jokes thought up by some rival fans. However when the news bulletin started to broadcast the news, the sad truth started to sink in. Till now, nobody knows why such a celebrated artiste decided to end his own life. April 1st 2005 Pope John Paul II suffered a serious heart attack and is currently in grave condition. While i am not a believer of the religion he preaches, i seriously hope that he can really pull out of this crisis. However the situation looks grim, with the cardinals who have the power to elect a new pope gathering in Rome.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:00 PM
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