sing when you're wanking
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Friday, February 25, 2005

nayang chronicles

after seeing miss yyy gracing the front page of the chronicles, i wonder when it will be my turn. After much pondering, i came up with some possible headlines, if and when i actually be fortunate(or unfortunate) enough to be a headline maker.


Banking Student stuck in LT 4 chair, SCDF called in to rescue him.

A grossly overweight Banking and Finance student was trapped in his seat in LT4 and the SCDF had to be called in to release him from the seat. In an incident that one is more accustomed to seeing on reality TV programs like Rescue 911, the banking student couldn't get up from his seat after the lecture ended. Eyewitnesses accounts stated that the student was wedged between the tablet and the seat. Mr Dua Khor Dai, who was sitting near the victim, witnessed the whole incident and recalled with a smirk :" That Ah pui hor, damn funny lor. First time i see someone lidat leh. His tummy hor, very the big sia, maciam like a globe lidat. Then hor, the tummy was wedged between the tablet and his legs, making him dong bui liao lor. Then his friends tried to pull him free lo,but after awhile, they cmi too. No choice lo,the lecturer had to call 995 to get the firemen to free him lo." As of press time, there were still no words whether the school authority would be expanding the size of the seats in LT theatres to accomodate the banking student.

Student killed by Citicab

In an accident that occured yesterday, student Tham Yingwai was killed in a car accident which appeared to be a reenactment from the movie, Final Destination. Having surviving a similar accident 5 years ago coincidentaly involving a Citicab too, Mr Tham was not so fortunate this time round. Just like 5 years ago, Mr Tham was rushing to board a bus when he was hit by a Citicab. However unlike the last time, Mr Tham could no longer cheat death once again.

Banking Student crowned King of Fear Factor

2nd year Banking student, Mr Tham Yingwai, crowned the champion of the NTU version of Fear Factor. Mr Tham staved off the challenges of 19 other contestants when he downed 1m of pig intenstines, 2 pig livers, a pig brain and drank a litre of pig blood to cap it off. He did it in an impressive timing of 23.33 mins which was 5 mins clear of the nearest competitors. For his effort, Mr Tham won a year supply of pig innards from the sponsor Boon Lay Butchery for literally pigging out on different parts of the pig.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:02 AM


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