sing when you're wanking
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Sunday, June 12, 2005

wanker's guide to kopi tiam(updated)

with the mushrooming of the coffee joints in singapore, the youngsters nowadays are more familiar with the mochas and lattes than the tehs and kopis. i feared for their survival if stranded in an area without the likes of starbucks and coffeebeans. being the helpful soul that i have always been, i decided to compile a list of the common lingos used in the local kopitiams to facilitate the ordering of beverages.

Teh - Milk Tea
Kopi - Coffee
O- Without Milk
Peng- Ice
Kosong- Without sugar
Si- Evaporated Milk
Gao- Thick
Dai- Sugar
Siu- Less
Kar- More
Puey - Cup
(PS: Updated after enlightenment from the Koptiam Guru, Cow)

So if you are thinking of ordering a cup of Dark Coffee, it should goes something like this:

" Auntie/Uncle huh, Kopi - O ji puey"

Which roughly translates to:

" Can i kindly have a cup of Dark Coffee? "

If a cup of ice tea with evaporated milk and less sugar is your choice of beverage, you should say this:

" Teh si peng siu dai ji puey"

And if you are like me, courting a premature death by taking excessively sweet stuff like a thick cup of ice Horlick/Milo, you can always request for it by saying:

" Auntie/Uncle huh, Horlick Peng Gao"

Putting the basics aside, do you guys know that some beverages have unique names at different kopi tiams and hawker centres?

For example, a cup of Milo is known as Tak Kiu ( kick ball) at some kopi tiams. As explained by my brother, the name originates from the picture on the tin of Milo whereby some kiddos are having a game of football.

Another commonly heard beverage name is Diao Her( Fishing). While the origin for the name isn't clear, the Diao Her drink is a kind of Chinese Tea that is often drank by middle aged guys. Maybe it has some aphrodisiac function?

The most absurd alias for a beverage was heard at Blk 85 Fengshan Market. My brother once heard that the beverage stall assistant shouting Tua Swee Liap(Big and Small) at the top of her voice when his friend ordered the Fruit Tree Calamasi drink. On closer inspection on the can of drink, he realised the can featured two limes of different proportion, hence the name. However do refrain from using the name Tua Swee Liap when ordering the Calamasi drink unless you fancy being slap by the beverage stall assistant for implying that her boobs are unproportionate.

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posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:25 AM


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