sing when you're wanking

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Saturday, March 26, 2005

Survival Guide on shopping for female presents

For most university guys of my age, yr2005 means you have to relive the sad memories of yr2003. No i'm not talking about SARS(god bless the souls of those affected), but the nightmare of being invited to countless of friends' 21st birthday celebrations. Not that the parties are nightmarish, but the thought of spending $$ and choosing the right gifts gives me the creeps.

While most lazy bums like me tend to choose the easy way out(that is tasking someone to buy the present and splitting the cost), there are bound to be times where you have to buy your own present. Choosing the correct present is tough, but choosing the correct present for the fairer sex is 10 times tougher! Yours truely barely survived one such shopping trip last friday and lives to impart the knowledge to those facing similar plight.

Step 1:Beg someone to allow you to share the present.

Beg and kneel if you have to, to convince others to let you share the present. If that fails, go on to rant about how cost efficient it would be to share the present. Bring in theories like economy of scales to confuse your friends and hope they would accept your reason out of guilt for not paying attention during economics classes. For that still fails, move on to the next step.

Step 2: Get a female friend to tag along

Once again, beg and kneel if you have to. Alternatively, you can use money to aid your cause. Once you get your female companion, you can act like a disinteresed boyfriend/hubby that looked like he was being forced to accompany the girlfriend/wifey on a shopping trip. Let your female companion do the shopping while you continue your disinterested act. Once your female companion found the gift, dragged yourself to the counter and whip out your wallet in disgrunt to complete the disinterested boyfriend/hubby act. However if you are like me, whereby no female friends would want to help you out, move to step 3.

Step 3: Masquerade

Wear a cap, mask ,helmet or whatever you can to hide your face. Avoid eye contact with everyone. Stare at the floor or ceiling if necessary. Approach the cutest,friendliest salesgal you can find and seek for her help. Remember to avoid all eye contact. Pay for the gift and make a beeline for the exit as soon as possible. Run if you have to.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:22 PM

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