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Monday, February 13, 2006

wanker's guide to spending a bachelor's valentine day

Alone on Valentine Day? Fret not as tyw compile a guide on how to spend your bachelor's Valentine Day besides watching porn Barney.

The Companions

The first way to end the rot is to find a companion. Going out with a gal on this day would send all the wrong signals, unless you intend it to be that way.

Alternatively, you can round up your fellow bachelors for a night of fun. Notes of caution though, avoid crestfallen depressed chaps unless you want to spend your night listening to endless whining.

The Activities

Watching Movies

Once again, watching movies on V-day can be a double edge sword. Romantic flicks will only make you more depressed and the cinema would be packed with lovebirds. Watching comedies are recommended, as laughter can make you forget about your single woes. However with the only comedy being Fun with Dick and Jane, it would be advisable to skip it lest your partner gets the wrong impression.

Visiting the Red Light District

Missed the feeling of being loved? Why not pay a visit to Singapore's famous red light district, Geylang? As Miss fmq has kindly pointed out, the ladies who selflessly sacrifice their Valentine Day will be in great demand, so expect to pay more. Besides participating in some hanky-panky, Geylang is also a place for cheap but good chow.

If you are unwilling to part with the extra money, I would suggest Changi Village for some alternative lurveee, only if you can bear with the husky gruff sweet talk.

Visiting Parks

Fancy embarking on a paranormal trail on Valentine Day? Pay a visit to Singapore’s famous parks then. Singapore parks are known for their spooky vibrating cars and shrubs and bushes that shakes unexpectedly at nights, expect such paranormal activities to pick up on Valentine night. You never know what you might see inside the cars and behind the bushes.

Photo taking

Selling flowers on Valentine Day as a business opportunity is way over rated. Every father mother son is selling flowers on this day, squeezing the already thin profit margin. For a greater profit margin, why not invest in a Polaroid camera and start snapping away. Mind you, my business plan isn’t simply snapping at any regular John-Jane lovebirds. Pertaining to the vibrating cars and eerie shaking bushes mentioned earlier, sometimes the source of the vibrations might just be due to some cheapos lovebirds that can't even bear to book a hotel for their merry making. Snap a photo with your trusty Polaroid and threaten to post it on Sammyboy. Since it's Valentine Day, most lovers are in a generous and giving mood, so expect a huge windfall for your lovely taken photo.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:53 PM


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