sing when you're wanking

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Friday, August 11, 2006

Real Men Carry Tissue Paper

"1 dollar, 1 dollar. Uncle, Auntie 跟我买 Tissue Paper 好吗?"

Anyone who saw SingaporeGaGa* will remember this ditty sung by a disabled tissue peddler.

Tissue, such an essential item yet scorned upon when men carry them. My female friend was sniggering when i whipped out a packet of tissue over lunch yesterday. She remarked after seeing the said packet of tissue, which i paraphrase:

"Mr Tham, i think you will find a girlfriend soon. So sensitive of you to carry tissue around."

People has long associate men who carry tissue to be soft, or in recent times to be a SNAG (which i think is an euphemism for wuss). I disagree with this societal stereotype and i'm going to set the record straight, REAL MEN CARRY TISSUE PAPER.

Tissue paper is like the urban jungle version of the swiss army knife, serving many important yet often overlook functions . Not convinced? Here's 5 reasons to make you a believer:

1. It comes in handy when you need to wipe that greasy mouth, especially so after pinching food from your unsuspecting colleagues.

2. With Singapore's humid temperature, tissue paper is essential to wipe away perspiration that takes way longer to dry than wet paint.

3. As pointed out by a.o, tissue paper serves as the passport (or EZLink card) to a seat at the hawker centres during lunchtime, that is unless you are foolish enough to use handphones to "chope" your seats.

4. You never know when you might meet a sobbing lady on public transport, who has probably been a) dumped by boyfriend over the phone, b) forgot to buy 4D and the number came in first or c) missed an episode of DaChangJin. I so happen to meet a gorgeous sobbing wreck on the train a couple of years back, but sadly i lacked the testicular fortitude to whip the pack of tissue and offer it to her. Sigh....

and lastly....

5. "Poot.....Aaahhhhhhhh." *Looks over to your right and notice empty toilet roll* REAL MEN DON'T WIPE THEIR ASSES WITH FINGERS.

*Personally i felt that the brilliant local produced documentary SingaporeGaGa, evoked a greater sense of patriotism in me than all the NDPs ever did. If i have my way, i will make all tertiary students sit through the screening of the documentary.

Random Picture of the Day

消失已久的肥螳螂大战四眼蛇.
The reclusive "Fat Praying Mantis" resurfaces in the epic battle with the "Bespectacled Cobra".

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:54 PM

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