sing when you're wanking

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Dear God of Fortune

Dear God of Fortune,

It's the dream of everyone, maybe with the exception of lottery syndicate owners, to strike lottery. Since I do not own any lottery syndicates, winning the lottery remains an unfulfilled dream of mine.

However Mr. God of Fortune, you have the power to fulfill my dream tomorrow. Yes, YOU, the omnipotent wielder of prosperity, the most marketable personality during the Lunar New Year, can make a difference in the life of an ordinary person.

Given that the Toms, Dicks and Harrys, and Janes too, (FYI, gender equality is a major issue right now) of this world are constantly harbouring hope of a big windfall, it is difficult for you to decide on who should benefit from your blessing. Then why should you choose me, instead of other less deserving beings?

For a start, I am a faithful advocate of your teachings. I eat pineapples till my tongue turns numb just because it rhymes with prosperity. My entire collection of undergarments are shades in red, just because you said it's a lucky color. I rather take a 15 minutes detour, than to risk incurring your wrath by walking under lingeries. I have been force feeding myself to achieve a rolly polly figure, which according to your teaching, is synonymous with wealth.

If sincerity ranks high on your list of criteria, then I am your obvious candidate. Who else in this world is sincere enough to pen a letter to you? The rest are only capable of dreaming, while me, Mr. Sincerity, is writing a letter to you.

I promise to be good if you let me strike Toto tomorrow. For a start, I will donate 10% of my earnings to charitable organizations. That is, when I finally find some deserving one. The last few good charitable organizations that I know of underwent some major organizational shake up. It's hard to find charitable bodies that reward its hardworking CEO with first class air tickets anymore. Sigh, look at the state of the world now. Sorry for digressing. Besides the charitable deeds, I also promise to make regular offerings to you. I will source for the best firewoods available and also the best reindeers in this world. All you need to do, is just say yes.

If not now, then when? If not you, then who? God of Fortune, please act now.

Yours sincerely,

tyw

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:07 PM

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