sing when you're wanking

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Friday, May 18, 2007

The "I have a hole on my tongue and live to tell the story II" post

As you grow older, you tend to learn more about how your body functions. Some people will find the optimal amount of sleep they need daily, likewise the hours of sleep that can be forgo before their bodies yield. For me, I found out that besides succumbing to the monthly common cold, ulcers populate on my tongue on an annual basis.(click at your own peril) Same time, same spot. The only difference, it's bigger this time round! Yay!

At its peak, the nasty indent was about the size of the tip of a pinkie finger and even I myself squirms at the sight of this nasty looking hole. Which also meant it was a pretty good tool to scare my female colleagues too..Heh heh.

Another fascinating self-discovery is that with a hole on my tongue, I tend to secrete enough saliva to put one of those Pavlov's dogs to shame. Due to the ulcer, swallowing of the excess saliva was a painful and laborious affair, which meant some the excess gooey stuff inevitably ended up on my work documents. Hope my colleagues aren't reading this.

And through this hole in the tongue ordeal, I actually rediscovered how it is like to shed tears. Nope, I wasn't trying to divert my mind off the pain by watching those Korean weepie dramas. The tearing was in response to the nightly ritual of vigorous rubbing of salt onto the naked wound, which obviously isn't an enjoyable process. Besides the tears and the mucus, there was also the oozing of blood (much like how a volcano erupts) which left my mouth bloodied.

Oh yeah, did I mention my already barely audible speech degenerated to the extent even die hard fans of Sylvester Stallone would find it incomprehensible? Luckily I didn't have to field that many phone calls during this period or the callers might actually start believing that they have found the direct line to Mars.

The biggest takeaway from this episode was actually finding the answer to the question of "what is the most heart-wrenching feeling in this world?" Taiwanese author 张小娴 once wrote: "世上最遥远的距离，不是生与死的距离，不是天各一方，而是我就站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你。"* For those who subscribe to this theory obviously didn't go through what I had suffered.

The single most heart-wrenching feeling in life occurs at the moment when you are about to unleash a torrent of expletives, and the bloody ulcer on your tongue makes it impossible to even pronounce the F in the Fuck. FUCK.

*This phrase a classic line from one of 张小娴's love novels. It roughly translates to "The greatest distance is neither between life and death nor between the sky and the earth. It is standing right in front of you, and yet you do not realize my feelings for you." Aww..... Here's a link to more 张小娴's eye moistening quotes.

Random "cream in your pants" moment of the day

Starcraft II! StarcraftII! Oh my god!

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:59 PM

2 Comments:

Anonymous had this to say:: Goodness!!!

But this is a rather entertaining post hahaha~!

I use "Orased Jel" for my ulcers. It is a pink transparent gel that is sweet and contorts ur face when it lands on the wound~ Hahaha =p But cos it is sweet so not that bad =p Perhaps you can try it. The other popular brand, which I nv use before is Bonjela =p

Must b too heaty liao lah.. drink more herbal tea! And get well soon!!!; 11:40 AM
Stormtrooper's Lackey had this to say:: Haha, you enjoyed reading me suffer ah? Sicko!

I've recovered, just a bad case of heatiness. Thanks for the concern!; 7:32 PM