sing when you're wanking
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Thursday, June 30, 2005
 the poet is either a bloody racist, or just paying the omitted race a HUGE compliment.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:53 PM
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
To the folks that visit my blog religiously hoping for more Lin Chiling pictures, your prayers are finally answered. Because Lin Chiling = More Hits, yours truely has decided to sway to the dark side and post some more pictures of the 超级名模。  Act Cute.  Oooo...wedding gown.  Give half ball  Ah....legs.. Let's take a break from Miss Lin. I shall now introduce you 林嘉绮，touted the 林志玲killer.  First shot of the er...drainage system  Boing Boing Chan  Everyone loves a nature afficado  Hope i can be reincarnated as a musical instrument next life
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:39 PM
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
in what started off as a tongue in cheek guide to teaching the Chinese tourists about HongKong cantonese slang, it had since turned into an internet phenomenon. every episode sees the hosts teaching the audiences a new cantonese phrase, while taking a dig at the government, society and also the HK celebrities. the effect? guarantee to make you tear from over laughing. PS: Only recommended for people with a strong command of cantonese. 笑谈广东话 PPS: Will upload more if people request for it Random Picture of the Day  Kop Kop!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:46 PM
Sunday, June 26, 2005
this is what you get when you put 1 extremely corrupted mind with 3 others mildly corruptted guys and a very easily impressionable madman in a room. Mr.X: 哇，XX 小姐跟她的boyfriend分手了。 Gaozi: 真的吗？What happened? Mr.X: 不太清楚leh.但她很pissed leh. 叫她的ex jerk la, scum la 那种名字。 TYW: 是不是她的ex叫她吞！？ James: wah lau! 只有你这种dirty minded people 才会想到这种东西！ Siao Kia: 吞？吞什么东西？！ 快点说！ TYW: 吞？吞牙膏lo.她ex叫她吞牙膏弄她发烧吗。。。 Siao Kia: 吞吞吞吞吞吞吞吞！！
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:12 PM
Saturday, June 25, 2005
wheee.. got involve in my first ever baton after being tagged by the master of links, lancerlord, with the movie baton. so essentially what's a movie baton? it's just like a chain mail that you receive on ya email or friendster bulletin, except that you won't die from AIDs or get knock down by cars, raped by aliens, sodomise by monkeys etc if you don't send it to 20 or more people. at the end of the baton, i'm supposed to arrow 5 other bloggers to continue this movie baton. i promise that i won't place any hex on you if you don't. Total Number of Films I own on DVD and Video: Around 250 on "DVDs" The Last Film I Bought: Just like Lancerlord, around 20 of those arrived "in shipment" Five Films I recommends to others (changing this question abit.. the original question was five films i like) 1. Memento (click on link for IMDB review) The show that capulated Christopher Nolan(Batman Begins's director) into the public eye. Filmed in a way that defies chronological convention, it has a plot that might requires some deep thinking. May requires more than one viewing to fully understand the beauty of the movie. 2. Usual Suspects (click on link for IMDB review) Helmed by Bryan Singer, the guy who also directed X-Men , X-2 and the new Superman flick. This movie is one of the best in the thriller aka whodidit kind of genre. Will leave you guessing who is Keyser Soze right till the very end of the movie, where the most mindblowing twist ever will reveal who actually is this Keyser Soze guy. 3. The Shawshank Redemption (click on link for IMDB review) It has the distinction of being ranked 2nd on the IMDB's top movie charts, only behind the imperial Godfather. "Wah, si mi lan jiao show is this. Nice or not...?" were the usual responses by my friends when i recommended this movie to them. But after watching the movie, they were unified in their praises for the underlying meaning of this show. A show that exalts on the importance of optimisim and hope, which is best illustrated by the movie's tagline: " Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free. " 4. Dare mo shiranai (click on link for IMDB review) Also known as Nobody Knows on this side of the world, this movie is actually loosely based on a real life event where a Japanese lady abandoned her children all alone in an apartment and remarry to her new beau. Filmed in a somewhat snail paced documentary style, it employs a subtle way of exploring the emotions of the abandoned kids without resorting to scenes that blantantly makes you want to reach for the box of Kleenx. 5. Cidade de Deus (click on link for IMDB review) Set in Rio De Janerio of Brazil, which also is known as City of God in Portugese. The name is a misnomer as the city is actually a slum governed by anarchy. The movie tracks the life of two childhood friends, one who went on to become a photographer while the other deviates into the seedy world of drug peddling. Fast paced,with good camera movement and a great samba soundtrack to boot, this movie is a nice change from the usual Hollywood fares. Five peeps im passing this baton to:
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:38 AM
Friday, June 24, 2005
When you are sporting a new haircut, people will likely to ask.. "Wah, you cut your hair huh?" Which you should reply... "No lah, i was sporting a wig last time." When someone spots you writing with your left hand, he/she will likely ask..... "Wah, you writes with your left hand ah!? I didn't know leh!" Which you should reply... "I masturbates with my right hand, wanna see?" People that you see once in a while, tries to break the ice by asking this.... "Wah, you very tall leh! What you eat one huh!?" To which you can reply... "I eat stupid people like you...." Sometimes people just like to comment on your size... "Wah, you very big sized hor.." You should rebut... "Only to puny people like you..." Neighbours who you bumped into countless of times in the lift might ask.... "Eh, you live in this block?" Which such a reply would be apt... "Nope, i'm just following you to burgle your house" Random Picture of the Day  Always a best seller at flea markets
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:39 PM
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
popped by queensway shopping centre to shop for jeans. confirmed the dreaded fact that a couple more inches of fats have made their way to the waist area. after enduring the fitting session in a small squeezy changing room, the shop assistant started a somewhat uneasy conversation about my weight. Him: " Wah, sure can fit into the jeans one lah, or not i got nothing to say haha.." TYW:" Haha..yeah" Him: " So you havent go NS right?" TYW:" ORDed liao loh.." Him: " Wah..then how come still so fat" TYW:" Haha.. ORDed two years liao mah, eat back whatever i missed during the NS stint loh" Him: " Orh..haha. Next time come back here to buy jeans hor!" TYW:" Ha.yeah" For most people, they would either a) Curse and swear and vow never to step foot into the shop again. b) Stop eating for months to slim down c) Embark on a torturous exercise regime What did TYW do in this situation? Troop down to IKEA and wolf down the Jumbo Size Hotdog. Resignation never tasted so delicious. Random Picture of the Day  With such a company name, the owner shall never have to worry that the client billing to the wrong person again.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:04 PM
Overheard on That's IT!, an IT program on Channelnewsasia a couple of weeks back: "The only time i use my pen is to sign a cheque" It seems fine until you read the sentence quickly, without pausing in between the words "pen" and "is". "The only time i use my penis to sign a cheque" That was exactly what my brother and i heard the host saying. If he really possess such an ability....Whoa...Can i be his agent?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:04 AM
Monday, June 20, 2005
you get "browned" when you are featured on mrbrown. you get "surfstoped" when you are featured on mrmiyagi's myveryownglob. you get "lancered" when you are featured on lancerlord's blog. you get "fucked" when you are featured on BigFuck's blog. this got me thinking, what should i call it when i link to other's blog? you get "tywed" lack the oomph factor. you get "wanked" sounds feasible but not everyone has the same anatomical structure. you get "ejaculated" sounds nice, but it's too obsence. ditto with being "cummed". getting "faced shot" is a nice euphemism for the above mentioned. but i guess i hit pay dirt with giving people the "money shot" Random Picture of the Day  Say hi to my new PNT!! Still nameless for now.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:55 PM
Saturday, June 18, 2005
went to chinatown for lunch with chicken,james and zs. haven't seen chicken for a long time ever since he flew to USA to become, in the words of James, KFC. over lunch, he was telling us on how his friend got to know a thai girlfriend while doing his YEP in Thailand. The below conversation then ensue... Chicken: Maybe he got a Thai girlfriend cause thai gals are submissive. TYW: Like? Strip! Suck! And Swallow!? James: Fuck lah! Only dirty minded people like you think of that. After lunch, we were joined by CCY and adjourned to Settler's Cafe to hang out. We dallied with some games till zs suggested that we play TABOO, a game whereby the player have to guess a word described by his partner without the partner resorting to some banned words for the description. So James was trying to describe the word Relax to yours truly.... James: When you are tired, what do you do? TYW: Sleep? Rest? James: Besides that?After a shack day, you would do this... TYW: Masturbate? Random Picture of the Day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:42 PM
Friday, June 17, 2005
TYW: Wah, it's tough to be slim sia. Look at Sammi Cheng, turn fat liao now suffering from depression. Bro: So it's best to stay fat. TYW: Haha yeah, at most die from heart attack lor! Bro: Hahaha, at least die as a happy man!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:09 PM
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Written and composed by michael jackson. Produced by michael jackson There’s a place inYour heart And I know that it is love And this place could Be much Brighter than tomorrow And if you really try You’ll find there’s no need To cry In this place you’ll feel There’s no hurt or sorrow There are ways To get there If you care enough For the living Make a little space Make a better place... Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race There are people dying If you care enough For the living Make a better place For you and for me If you want to know why There’s a love that Cannot lie Love is strong It only cares for Joyful giving If we try We shall see In this bliss We cannot feel Fear or dread We stop existing and Start living Then it feels that always Love’s enough for Us growing So make a better world Make a better world... Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race There are people dying If you care enough For the living Make a better place For you and for me And the dream we were Conceived in Will reveal a joyful face And the world we Once believed in Will shine again in grace Then why do we keep Strangling life Wound this earth Crucify it’s soul Though it’s plain to see This world is heavenly Be god’s glow We could fly so high Let our spirits never die In my heart I feel you are all My brothers Create a world with No fear Together we cry Happy tears See the nations turn Their swords Into plowshares We could really get there If you cared enough For the living Make a little space To make a better place... Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race There are people dying If you care enough For the living Make a better place For you and for me Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race There are people dying If you care enough For the living Make a better place For you and for me Heal the world Make it a better place For you and for me And the entire human race There are people dying If you care enough For the living Make a better place For you and for me There are people dying If you care enough For the living Make a better place For you and for me..... Guilty or not, it's not my call. All i know is that he's one hell of a liar And now i know why he likes grabbing his crotch, he likes touching tiny weeny objects. Random Picture of the Day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:52 PM
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
a continuation from the previous post, this time round i'm going to teach you how to antagonize the drink stall vendors with the colloquial speak. 1. Auntie, milo peng ji puey, sio eh hor! (Can i have a cup of hot iced milo?) 2. Diao Hur ji puey, kar dai! ( Chinese tea with more sugar please.) 3. Ho Wa Ji Puey Teh Si Peng, Kosong. (Give me a cup of Iced milk tea without any milk.) 4. Coke, siu dai. ( Coke with less sugar. The alternate name for Coke Light) Random Picture of the Day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:25 PM
Sunday, June 12, 2005
with the mushrooming of the coffee joints in singapore, the youngsters nowadays are more familiar with the mochas and lattes than the tehs and kopis. i feared for their survival if stranded in an area without the likes of starbucks and coffeebeans. being the helpful soul that i have always been, i decided to compile a list of the common lingos used in the local kopitiams to facilitate the ordering of beverages. Teh - Milk Tea Kopi - Coffee O- Without Milk Peng- Ice Kosong- Without sugar Si- Evaporated Milk Gao- Thick Dai- Sugar Siu- Less Kar- More Leng-Cold Sio-Hot Pua-Half Puey - Cup (PS: Updated after enlightenment from the Koptiam Guru, Cow) So if you are thinking of ordering a cup of Dark Coffee, it should goes something like this: " Auntie/Uncle huh, Kopi - O ji puey" Which roughly translates to: " Can i kindly have a cup of Dark Coffee? " If a cup of ice tea with evaporated milk and less sugar is your choice of beverage, you should say this: " Teh si peng siu dai ji puey" And if you are like me, courting a premature death by taking excessively sweet stuff like a thick cup of ice Horlick/Milo, you can always request for it by saying: " Auntie/Uncle huh, Horlick Peng Gao" Putting the basics aside, do you guys know that some beverages have unique names at different kopi tiams and hawker centres? For example, a cup of Milo is known as Tak Kiu ( kick ball) at some kopi tiams. As explained by my brother, the name originates from the picture on the tin of Milo whereby some kiddos are having a game of football. Another commonly heard beverage name is Diao Her( Fishing). While the origin for the name isn't clear, the Diao Her drink is a kind of Chinese Tea that is often drank by middle aged guys. Maybe it has some aphrodisiac function? The most absurd alias for a beverage was heard at Blk 85 Fengshan Market. My brother once heard that the beverage stall assistant shouting Tua Swee Liap(Big and Small) at the top of her voice when his friend ordered the Fruit Tree Calamasi drink. On closer inspection on the can of drink, he realised the can featured two limes of different proportion, hence the name. However do refrain from using the name Tua Swee Liap when ordering the Calamasi drink unless you fancy being slap by the beverage stall assistant for implying that her boobs are unproportionate. Random Picture of the Day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:25 AM
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
around a year ago, he came, performed, and wow the entire nation. now you can finally own a piece of history.  Random Picture of the Day. With People! 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:23 PM
Monday, June 06, 2005
Once in a while, some video clips will set the online community ablaze and the netizens will still be talking about it years after its release. Videos like the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee romp on their private yacth, Paris Hilton making out with her numerous beaus and Xu Meifeng's sexcapade dont come often. However being a law abiding Singaporean, i can't direct you to any of the above mentioned videos. What i could do though, is let you in on the work of this Taiwan indie group, Circus. Similar to MTV Whatever and Jackass, these chaps engage in all sort of madcap stunts to milk your laughter. If you only got time for one clip, check out the last one which involved some skin and was the clip that launched the group into the media spotlight. Bubble Tea (not for faint hearted) Siamese Twins Quack Quack Omelette anyone? Traditional Chinese Medication How to get a 3 minute Afro My name is TONY HAWK!!! Fly me to the moon Run Lola Run Random Picture of the day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:45 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
1. How are ear wax form? 2. If a gal gets too chummy with a guy, is that a signal to pursue her? 3. If a pak jiao kia(crossed eye person) ask a question while facing another person and with one of his eye is looking at you, should you reply to him or ignore him? 4. Why do our Indian friends have more overpowering B.O.? 5. Why even after shiting, your flatulence still stinks? Random picture of the day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:14 AM
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Solving a tough auditing impasse is almost as good as an orgasm.  Amazingly i'm still alive after drinking hello pandas dipped in HL Milk. For a fleeting moment yesterday, i thought i mistakenly suit up for work on a saturday when i saw the tin cans brigade. In what used to be a strictly weekend affair, the tin cans brigade are assaulting the weekdays too. No wonder people are complaining about charity fatigue.  this attachment stint has brought me to far flung places like the one where i spotted this sign. funny considering i took this picture in an industrial park.  the giam chye mia of an auditor....
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:03 PM
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
"Luke, i'm your father...." "Luke, wa si lim lao pei...." Darth Vader In The Empire Strikes Back "对不起，我是警察。" "Jing paiseh, wa si ma ta." 陈永仁 in the Infernal Affairs I I'll be back Wa hwee teng lai Terminator in the Terminator franchise 阿杰，我已经没做大哥很久了。 Ah Kit, wa jin gu bo zo pak kia liao. 何哥 in A Better Tomorrow , 英雄本色 “I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut.” "wa eh sai gak li gon, ji si wa zwee ho eh toh. na si lu gia lor si du tio shin, shin hwee tio tok." Hattori Hanzo in Kill Bill Vol 1 "Martini, shaken not stir" "Martini, yo mai la" James Bond, in the James Bond franchise "Houston, we got a problem." "Houston, dai ji dua tiao liao." Jim Lovell, in Apollo 13 "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker! " "Yippee-ki-yay, Gan Lao Bu kia!" John McClane in Die Hard "Show me the money!" "Ho wa kua lu eh lui!" Jerry Macguire in Jerry Macguire
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:17 PM
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