sing when you're wanking
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Monday, February 28, 2005
With former US President Bill Clinton making a visit to our shores, will cigar sales rise as a result? Cigars aficionados, hurry and grab your cigars before the prices skyrocket.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:28 PM
Friday, February 25, 2005
They say absence makes the heart fonder. I finally understood what the saying really means. the unbearable pain the sweat that accompanies me to sleep nightly the pangs that my heart endure just by hearing your name the burning desire that comes without seeing you dear rain, will you please come and wash my agony away. prove to me that besides bird poo, something else falls from the sky too
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:06 PM
after seeing miss yyy gracing the front page of the chronicles, i wonder when it will be my turn. After much pondering, i came up with some possible headlines, if and when i actually be fortunate(or unfortunate) enough to be a headline maker. Banking Student stuck in LT 4 chair, SCDF called in to rescue him. A grossly overweight Banking and Finance student was trapped in his seat in LT4 and the SCDF had to be called in to release him from the seat. In an incident that one is more accustomed to seeing on reality TV programs like Rescue 911, the banking student couldn't get up from his seat after the lecture ended. Eyewitnesses accounts stated that the student was wedged between the tablet and the seat. Mr Dua Khor Dai, who was sitting near the victim, witnessed the whole incident and recalled with a smirk :" That Ah pui hor, damn funny lor. First time i see someone lidat leh. His tummy hor, very the big sia, maciam like a globe lidat. Then hor, the tummy was wedged between the tablet and his legs, making him dong bui liao lor. Then his friends tried to pull him free lo,but after awhile, they cmi too. No choice lo,the lecturer had to call 995 to get the firemen to free him lo." As of press time, there were still no words whether the school authority would be expanding the size of the seats in LT theatres to accomodate the banking student. Student killed by Citicab In an accident that occured yesterday, student Tham Yingwai was killed in a car accident which appeared to be a reenactment from the movie, Final Destination. Having surviving a similar accident 5 years ago coincidentaly involving a Citicab too, Mr Tham was not so fortunate this time round. Just like 5 years ago, Mr Tham was rushing to board a bus when he was hit by a Citicab. However unlike the last time, Mr Tham could no longer cheat death once again. Banking Student crowned King of Fear Factor 2nd year Banking student, Mr Tham Yingwai, crowned the champion of the NTU version of Fear Factor. Mr Tham staved off the challenges of 19 other contestants when he downed 1m of pig intenstines, 2 pig livers, a pig brain and drank a litre of pig blood to cap it off. He did it in an impressive timing of 23.33 mins which was 5 mins clear of the nearest competitors. For his effort, Mr Tham won a year supply of pig innards from the sponsor Boon Lay Butchery for literally pigging out on different parts of the pig.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:02 AM
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
.jpg) KIll Mak! 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:45 PM
.jpg) Kill Sim!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:44 PM
.jpg) Kill Yan!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:43 PM
.jpg) Kill Tham!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:42 PM
.jpg) Ok so if Harry Potter is a religion, what do we call it? Pottery or Potterism?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:27 PM
Monday, February 21, 2005
recent events have make me reflect on myself,the way i behaved,how i treated my friends. after much soul searching, i sincerely offer my apologies to anyone that i had offended directly or indirectly through that filthy mouth of mine.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 2:17 AM
Saturday, February 19, 2005
I'm sure many of you are like me, envious of those people like jielin and Mr X currently on student exchange at some nice nice country. Envious of the culture that they will experience, food that they get to eat, gals/guys that they get to ogle, and especially road trips that they so often embark on to visit other states of their adopted nations. Fret now, theyodellingwanker is here to help! I will now teach you on how to conduct a road trip, in the tiny land of Singapore!Tried and tested by me on last friday too! Checklist
Preparation for the trip I would very much like to drive my friends around in my Lego® car, but they have strong objections against it.wonders why? Since none of us actually owns a car, we had to settle for the next best thing, hiring a cab. So unless you are living in GTA world, you can't probably jack a taxi and kill the cab driver without having getting your ass owned by the law enforcers. So that pretty much settle the driver issue. Get friends that you can really talk cock sing song play mahjong with, or not the whole journey would be spent listening to the sound of traffic. For my case, i engaged the company of James Dingo Groan,Siao Kia and Melvin; who were friends since secondary school days. Here comes the tricky bit. Singasnore is just a small dot, or a piece of booger as proclaimed by the Taiwanese Foreign Minister, that travelling from end to end of the island takes around an hour or so. It's also difficult to clock huge mileage without having to utilise your passport at the causeway immigration. Choosing the route is very important, unless you are travelling during the peak hours. Unless you are on a journey with not so close friends, you probably need not plan in advance on what to say during the journey. As for us, the topic will inevitably drift towards porno in the end... As with all successful road trips, booze is a necessity. Helps to settle the nerves and remove all inhibitions. Too bad, we dont want to spend our friday night cleaning up a cab soaked with puke. However, we still managed to achieve the effect of boozing without resorting to a tinge of alcohol.(More on that later) The Journey Lessons ended at 530, ended up waiting for Dingo to finish his at 630pm. A 10 mins wait and Siao Kia and Melvin arrived to pick us up on a Yellow CitiCab. An ominous sign which sets the tone for the whole ride. The taxi uncle was a friendly chap, one who i'm sure will chat with us throughout the journey if we hadn't being so noisy throughout the trip. So NUH off we went, via the tried and tested AYE route. The journey towards AYE from NTU was smooth flowing, punctuated by banters and laughters between us. Yours truly made a supposedly gaffe by mentioning Maybank to be a local bank. To set the record straight, being a 2nd year BNF student, i know my local banks as proficiently as my ABCs. To overwhelm you with my banking knowledge, the three local banks still in operation are Tat Lee Bank, Keppel Bank and OUB Bank. Remembered i mention about the punity of Singasnore earlier on? And how quick it is to travel from point to point, making it hard to have road trips? That's probably true unless you are travelling in a car stuck in the midst of a massive afterwork pile up. This provide a good extension of time to mimic the actual road trip settings in foreign land. The long wait in line provided us the perfect opportunity to interact too. Cracking the lewdest and dirtiest jokes by now, the small cab was filled with laughter. Pity that the journey was punctuated by numerous stops caused by the jam. The jerky journey resulted in 3 of us developing a bad case of nauseousness. Even without booze, we managed to stumble into a drunken stupor with Siao Kia threatening to merlion into Dingo's bag while yours truly was supressing the urge to show the cab driver the content of my lunch. 45 minutes later, with close to 20 mins stuck in the massive jam, we reached NUH with $13.80 lighter in the wallet, and lighter in weight for another person after he emptied his day's worth of food into the NUH toilet. Being a person who can keep secrets and someone who turns his nose at gossiping about others, i refuse to reveal who dirtied the NUH toilet. Conclusion There you go, this is how you can embark on a road trip, Singasnore style. As easy as ABCs, as tried and test to great effect by the four of us.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:49 PM
Poor numbers. Everyone hates you except for 8 rich bastards. May you rot in numerical hell.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 2:04 AM
Thursday, February 17, 2005
words of wisdom from former dyS3 of 3SIR and former Charlie Battery Signaller CPL Chin on procrastination in chasing a gal " Hesitate and you masturbate" Go figure.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:07 AM
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
yamate~!! i am amazed by the ingenuity of the Japanese! See this dame~!!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:23 PM
You probably seen this tree when you visited HK or in TVB Drama Serials before.  What you probably don't know is that a 8m branch of the tree snapped on Sunday after being overburden by the sheer amount of oranges hurled at it. Refer here for the full article. Now i wonder what's the true meaning of this snapped tree branch. 1) The Big Fella up there is telling us: "You are on your own, Suckas!" ? 2) The Big Fella up there is busy playing mahjong to grant our wishes? 3) The Big Fella up there prefers apples to oranges? 4) The load of oranges exceed the tensile strength of the branch?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:09 AM
A break from the normal nonsensical gibberish i post, here's something meaningful for you to do. NTU WSC Club will be organising this Share-A-Meal charity drive in various canteens across NTU. More information could be found here Use your ang bao money, your winnings from black jack,mahjong etc, and spread the love around. Cheers
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:00 AM
Monday, February 14, 2005
unless you are blissfully in love, a florist, or one of those arseholes peddling teddy bears and roses in the street, Feb 14 is one day you wish you could dig a hole and hide inside it. for the happily attached, Feb 14 is also a day to dread. Hyper Inflation seems to occur on this calendar date without fail. Price of roses doubled, teddy bears cost like a real bear and the cost of a dinner skyrocket without an equivalent improvement in the quality. how you wish you could escape from all these and spend some quality time with your other half without burning a hole in your wallet.(pity the poor guy) Fret not,why not spend it watching videos, be it VCDs, DVDs, XVIDs, VHS blah blah? As an active couch potatoe, here's three shows recommended for your enjoyment. 1.) Love Actually (click for sypnosis and review) Rating for the attached: 5 STARS Lovey dovey moments aplenty, you will feel like falling in love all over again. Rating for the unattached: 1 STAR Akin to being bounded in a soundproof room with your captors scratching the blackboard with their nails. Add 2 STARS if you are watching the unedited version for the naked shots. 2) Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind (click for sypnosis and review) Rating for the attached: 3 STARS Perfect for those currently going through a rough patch. Makes you treasure your other half more. Otherwise, a show with a complicated plot and twist, not suitable for a romantic night. Rating for the unattached: 4 STARS Reaffirm your decision to remain single. Deduct 3 STARS if you are still thinking of your ex. This show will probably induce you to reach for the scapel and slice your wrist if you falls into the above category. 3) Lost in Translation (click for sypnosis and review) Rating for the attached: 4 STARS A subtle love story about two attached person in Tokyo. No overt display of affections in this show. Deduct 3 STARS if your other half is alone in a foreign land. Rating for the unattached: 5 STARS Makes you want to empty your bank account and emigrate to Tokyo thinking you can meet someone as chio as Scarlett Johanson.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:02 PM
Saturday, February 12, 2005
 Chairman Mao,  with elusive comrades "James Dingo Groan" and "Siao Kia",  faced stiff resistance from the enemies  but overcame their challenges yet again.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:32 PM
Friday, February 11, 2005
1. Rub the botak heads of your friends, relatives, chao recruits etc and hope their good luck rub onto you just in time for next thursday 1.5m Hong Bao ToTo Draw. HUAT AH!!!!! 2. Play a game with your friends whereby no one is allowed to utter any inauspicious or swear words. 3. Play blackjack. See the grin wiped off your face when you discover the banker's Ban Ban (double Ace) eclipsed your Ban Luck (an Ace with a card of face value 10).
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:38 AM
i admit, i have a serious case of addiction. no, im not an alcoholic, druggie or sicko jacko paedophile. im addicted to this......
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:13 AM
Thursday, February 10, 2005
1) Antagonize your host by feeding their dog with wasabi peas. 2) Make your very own top 10 list of the best pineapple tarts you had eaten during your tour de force. Currently, sitting at no 1 are still the tarts made by Kaili's mom. Drool 3) Make markings on your mandarian oranges and see whether you get the same oranges back at the end of your visit. 4) Be amazed by the exotic food that we Chinese put into our mouth. Over the past two days, i had eaten pig tendons, fish maw, duck soles. Still craving for my pig livers.... 5) Drink ice milo filled with famous amos cookie crumbs
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:20 AM
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
The below letter was published on the Sunday Times. Great application of analogy, i must say.
SINGAPORE is widely recognised as a food paradise. However, the actual experience of dining in food courts during peak hours is anything but. Eating at a food court during peak times is not unlike guerilla warfare. Upon entering, one scans the horizon, hoping futilely a table will be available. The next course of action is to conduct a reconnaissance of the 'battleground', peering over shoulders to determine the stages of completion of meals and the likelihood of a table being vacated soon. One then stations oneself barnacle-like in close proximity to a targeted site, waiting to pounce on it once it is vacated. This vulture-like presence causes different degrees of discomfort, depending how predatory the tactics to hurry the diner along. Some resort to psychological warfare, such as glaring venomously or making snide remarks if diners are a mite tardy, while others plant themselves so close, they literally lean against the table. Whatever the means, most diners finish the meal post-haste to escape the oppression.
If the reconnaissance party consists of more than one individual, the others are dispatched to stake out other likely territories and will then signal frantically to each other if a territory has been won. However, as in all military campaigns, miscalculations sometimes occur, with some targets ignoring the hovering presence of the would-be usurpers and lingering longer than expected at the meal. Adrenaline levels now rise, especially at the sight of other more fortunate but undeserv-ing 'soldiers' claiming their places elsewhere. Sometimes, altercations erupt between different parties over the rights to a table, with ugly results. Once a table is secured, all manner of things, such as bags and even packets of tissue paper, are used to claim victory over the territory while the triumphant parties go in search of food.
Then the cycle repeats itself, with the predator becoming the prey of the next party of hungry diners. It is a wonder we have any appetite left after all these skirmishes. As they say, local knowledge is paramount when it comes to dealing with the eccentricities of a culture. Sadly, the 17 million tourists we plan to attract will be clueless as to how to navigate the intricacies of food-court dining here. It is about time food courts devised some system to improve the chaotic situation. This can be in the form of a queue system, similar to that in restaurants, so dining becomes a more pleasant experience for all. Maria Loh Mun Foong (Ms) -------------------------------------------------------------- "Rex crys when he ejaculates" Uttered by Rex's wife,Bree, at a dinner party The above quote was taken from episode three of the brilliant Desperate Housewives, currently showing at 10pm, Monday, on Ch5. --------------------------------------------------------------
"Everyone has misunderstood. I'm not that large now. I wasn't that small before." Model Lin Chiling (above) denying that she had breast implants.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:36 AM
Friday, February 04, 2005
fucking hell, typed a serious entry regarding homosexuality and bloody blogger ate up my post. guess im not destined to post serious stuffs after all. which brings me to the next part, my ex roomie is alive in Kimchi land!!! amazingly, after tumbling 20 plus times while hiking up a mountain and cycling more than 20km, he's still alive!! well, he will still be unless he forgets about sending me the pictures of korean chicks. BWAHAHAHAHA
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:50 PM
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
first off, a lesson in spanish for you guys. the title means goodbye cockroaches. once again, it has little inkling on wat im going to rant about. 1. kimchi feast my fren of 10 yrs, ex roomie, partner in crime, Mr YC Ng had flown off to Korea to ogle at kimchi babes for 1 semester. barring any major incidents( ie North Korea nuking the South, he impregenating some chicks, poisoned after eating dog meat), he should be back in late june. Meanwhile, i rub my hands in glee anticipating the slew of korean babes pics he promised me.. 2. culinary skills to set the record straight, i love my mum alot. but one thing i cant stand about her is her lack of culinary skills. today she prepared a meal of instant noodle for lunch, and she's probably the only person i know who can make instant noodles as tasteless as noodles dipped in water. argh..what can you expect from someone who invented the dish of soya sauce fish cakes.... nevertheless, i still love u mum! 3. mr incredible my bro just came back from a biz trip in vietnam last week. he came back with the incredible tale of a highly skilled man performing a incredulous feat of peeing while crossing the road. and the amazing thing is the man managed to weave through the heavy traffic while without staining his pant in piss. talk about mr incredible.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:43 PM
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