sing when you're wanking
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Subway Staff (SS): Welcome to Subway! Can I take your order? Consumer (C): Can I have a Kong Bak Pau? SS: Er...Sorry Sir, we don't have that at Subway. C: Okay, how about sardine bun? SS: We don't have that too. How about our tuna sandwich, it's very tasty. C: Alright, I will have that. SS: Your choice of bread, sir? C: Jiam tao loti. SS: Sorry sir, we don't have that in Subway. C: (Grumbles) Delifrance has jiam tao loti... So what do you have? SS: (Delifrance doesn't have Kong Bah Pao either mah) Sir, you can choose from the list of breads over there. C: Alright, I will have Hearty Italian then. SS: Six inch or foot long? C: What a rude question to ask! SS: Huh? I'm asking how large do you want your sandwich to be. C: Oh..I thought you were asking about something else... Six inch it shall be! SS: All the vegetables sir? C: All except the Kiam Chye. SS: Sure. (Kiam Chye!?) How about the sauces? C: Do you have Thousand Island Sauce? SS: Sorry sir, we don't have that. You can choose from the sauces listed here. (Thousand Island Sauce?! Why don't you ask for Oyster Sauce, Sesame Oil and a dash of Soy Sauce too?) C: Okay okay. Sweet onion then. SS: Would you like to make it a meal? C: Of course! It wouldn't feel complete without indulging in some greasy fries. SS: Er sorry sir, we don't serve fries here. Our meal consist of a drink and a choice between 2 cookies or a packet of potato chips. C: What!? No fries? This place sucks. I'm out of there. Random Picture of the Day  Bush relishing a bite in the new Kitty Sub.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:42 PM
Thursday, February 21, 2008
 Dream in tatters. Despite two Lo-Heis today, and the latter toss strategically timed at 920pm, my dream has gone *Poof*. Well, at least now I need not end every other sentences with the word HUAT!. Fuck. 你说你爱了不该爱的人 你的心中满是伤痕 你说你犯了不该犯的错 心中满是悔恨 你说你尽了生活的苦 找不到可以相信的人 你说你感到万分沮丧 甚至开始怀疑人生 早知道伤心总是难免的 你又何苦一往情深 因为爱情总是难舍难分 何必在意那一点点温存 要知道伤心总是难免的 在每一个梦醒时分 有些事情你现在不必问 有些人你永远不必等
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:39 PM
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
亲爱的财神，小弟当年真是不懂事，竟然冒然的用英语写了封信给您。结果不但招不到您，最后还迎来了个衰神。真是赔了夫人又折兵！
我承认我以前很傻很天真,但我现在已经长大啦。为了为您写这封信，我用了过去的一年勤奋的苦修华语。这一年内，我也很积极的在积德。经过预期统计，这年来，我帮了5位老太太过马路，在地铁与巴士上让位给了8名孕妇(真吉利的数字喔) 和少杀了79只蚂蚁！您说这年头，哪里还能找到那么有为的青年呢？ 为了得到您的庇佑，我索性从年初一到十五天天把鱼生当饭吃，红内裤也没换过，这全部也只求神灵您能开恩然我在元宵节当天圆我的发财梦吧。就念在我一身的鱼腥臭味和下面就要快繁殖蘑菇和高丽菜的份上，就然我当个百万富翁吧。 小弟我并非自私之徒，也非常了解取之社会，用之社会这道理。获得奖金后，我会捐出一笔钱给“奇乐", 然他再度发送今来闹得沸沸腾腾的艺人淫照风波的照片。我想广大市民也很好奇C10的G奶是不是真的那么骄人。 明晚也是元宵节，生为一名早已被爱神遗忘的孤汉，希望财神您也不会辜负小弟。。。。 发啊！！！ 敬爱的贪淫伪 (Not so) Random Video of the Day 财神到，财神到，好心得好报！
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:43 PM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
It is proven that money corrupts. Now I can confirm that money retards the mind too. tyw (t): Share Toto? dog (d): Huat ah! Ooof (O): Huat! t: Huat ah! O: What to do with the S$10million when we win? t: Yeah, what should we do? d: Pay S$1million to Kira* and release C10's pictures! t: YEAH! C10! G BOOBS! t & d: Huat Ah! O: Er..if you have S$1million, why not pay it to C10 and ask her to strip for you instead? t: Yah hor.. Huat Ah! *Clueless about what Kira and C10 are? Read this. Random Video of the Day 肥肥，I will miss your laughter and your presence. 不要告别 杨乃文 点燃这支香烟 让光亮爆炸这黑夜 寂静世界不发一言 我的手在触摸著 从高处坠落的感觉 可心仍在向上飞跃 笼罩我保护我 带我攀跃最高的峰巅 也许天堂就在你抚摸的瞬间 黑夜在缠绵风声已静 为你的狂野溶化血液 在黑夜和黎明的分界 别把我心带走别让这梦溜走 不要告别 渴望开始这旅行 从我眼睛到你的心灵 我却已经无力前行 亲爱的不要哭和你一样 我对明天的恐惧 来自对今天的厌倦 笼罩我保护我 带我攀跃最高的峰巅 也许天堂就在你抚摸的瞬间 告诉我你爱我 如同我们永恒的承诺 可是所有快乐都在被折磨
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:38 PM
Monday, February 18, 2008
I will bear with your foul temper. I will help you with the physical straining activity when you double over with the excruciating pain. I will even head to the convenience store to purchase the sanitary pads if you need me to. All because it's the time of the month. Ladies, here's a song for you. 女人经痛时 魏如萱 作词:vita 作曲:葛洛力 这种感觉虽然不像啦屎 but却让女生们痛的要死 一到这个时候 又要花钱买该死的卫生棉 恶劣的脾气就会问题连连 oh i m menstruating oh i m menstruating they always get me down baby yeah~ i have a blah~blood~blah~moment 女生真痛苦,男生最可恶. 大姨妈找碴,就像在跳肚皮舞 呼呼呼~呼呼呼～ 再过5天烦恼不见 后28天 哎呀我的天哎呀我的天 痛痛痛痛痛痛 这种感觉虽然不像拉屎~ 我不想拉屎殴殴~ but却让女生们痛的要死.. la……la…… when we menstruating the pills will keep us alive
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:24 AM
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Another Valentine Day came and went without much fanfare. After years of observation, I came to the conclusion that only two group of people will be happy on Valentine Day: the lovebirds and the enterprising businessmen. Even with next Valentine Day a good 360 plus days away, I reckon that it's impossible to find a female companion without the aid of copious amount of alcohol, a blindfold and a few yards of rope. Or does anyone have any visually impaired friend to recommend to me? So I figured that in order to be happy on February 14, I have to be an entrepreneur.
While I deserve a big pat on my back for pursuing the path of happiness, I need to find a promising business idea to invest my time(plenty), money(scarce) and intelligence(what's that?). Peddling flowers, despite its exorbitant sale price and the legion of cai taos (those willingly being fleeced), is unfeasible given the stiff competition. And for someone who can't differentiate chrysanthemum apart from gerbera, asking me to become a florist is akin to asking Edison Chan to head the Anti-Promiscuous Society or Cecelia Cheung to champion for Brazilian waxing. On the topic of Edison Chan, I must confess that I find the entire scandal to be an exciting and entertaining affair. Being the analytical person that I purport to be in my resume, I analyzed the and came away with some important lessons. 1) Smash your hard disk to bits before sending the PC for repair. 2) Backup your important files before smashing the hard disk to bits. Sorry if you took action immediately after reading the 1st point. 3) Shave. 4) And how strong a bargaining chip it is to have pictures of people caught in compromising positions. Point 4 also serves as the inspiration for my V day business venture. With the advent of digital cameras and camera phones and the penchant of people indulging in cam-whoring, taking Polaroid pictures of lovey dovey couples has gone the way of videotapes and discmans. The beauty of this business concept lies in not having to seek couples' consent on having their pictures, but them snapped in compromising situation. Dispatching photographers to Singaporeans' favourite nighttime picnic spot and snap away at couples enjoying some bananas, abalones and after meal yoga exercise. I'm sure the couples would pay an arm for such artistically taken photos. So who want to be my business partner come 14/2/2009? Random Video of the Day 他妈的！我要做陈冠希，再也不要收到好人卡*！ 好人卡 主唱：强辩 作曲：小花 填词：黄牛 我打电话 约了你 心好急 你会不会 喜欢这发型 我身体你 去哪里 很着急 见到你要说是哪一句 你好像都 不太理 快换话题 谁能够来 救救我的命 从西门町 到东区 没了捷运 现在就是告白的好时机 你有美丽的眼 (怎么能抗拒) 我就快要窒息 给我勇气 给我奇迹 我们交换彼此心中秘密 嘿 你是我生命中的精灵 给我勇气 给我奇迹 你让我挑战阿拉和上帝 嘿 不要再收到好人卡的命运 (女生) 你是一个好人 但是我们不适合 你是一个好人 可是我家住很远 你是一个好人 我想好好读书 你是一个好人 我们真的不适合 (宅男) 我不想当好人 我想跟你在一起 我不想当好人 我想每天接送你 我不想当好人 给我一次机会 我不想当好人 我只想当坏人 881 好人卡 881 好人卡 881 好人卡 881 好人卡 Bye Bye 再见好人卡 *Read this blog post by Zerohero on 好人卡
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:07 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
祝 有情人终成眷属 没请人中万字票 Random Video of the Day 情人 盼望你没有为我又再渡暗中淌泪 我不想留底你的心空虚 盼望你别再让我象背负太深的罪 我的心如水你不必痴醉 盼望我别去后会共你在远方相聚 每一天望海每一天相对 盼望你现已没有让我别去的恐惧 我即使离开你的天空里 哦你可知谁甘心归去 你与我之间有谁 是缘是情是童真还是意外 有泪有罪有付出还有忍耐 是人是墙是寒冬藏在眼内 有日有夜有幻想没法等待 多少春秋风雨改多少崎岖不变爱 多少唏嘘的你在人海
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:26 AM
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
1. Indulge 林志源 (Lin Chee Guan) bak kwas while flipping through the pages of 林志玲 (Lin Zhi Ling) pictorial. Be careful not to smudge the pages with grease though. You don't want others to misunderstand what you did to the pictorial. 2. Bitch and whine about how unsavoury MacDonald's Prosperity Burger tastes and duly eat it as the island descend into a culinary ground zero over the festive period, or at least the first day of the Lunar New Year, 3. Wash your eyes, rub it vigorously or gouge it if you have to in order to rid the unpleasantness if you have been unfortunately coerced or swindled into watching Jack Neo's 4. The festive season would be incomplete without some gambling. Don't worry about losing, you have till next Lunar New Year to pay up. 5. Get into the festive mood by listening to Jocie Guo Mei Mei's 新年快乐，我的爱. ..... 6. And you will appreciate how serene and soothing the sound of silence can be. (Not so) Random Video of the Day 恭喜发财！ Huat Ah!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:24 PM
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Approximately a month back while accompanying my Dad to CGH, the sight of this sickly wheelchair bound young girl almost broke my heart. Accompanied by her father and elder sister, it was apparent that all was not well with her skin a shade paler than most and she could barely prop herself up on the wheelchair. Spotting a pair of boisterous kids a few feet away, the father said something to the girl which struck a chord in my heart.
"女儿啊，你看看那些小孩。 当一个人没事时，会要些新玩具和新衣服。 而当一个人生病时，他只想健康快乐。" Which in English, meant something like the following: "Take a look at those kids. When a person is healthy, he yearns for all the luxury in life. Yet when he is sick, all he wants is his health and happiness back" We are into the second month of 2008 and I haven't formalized a list of resolutions. Well, there's no longer a need for it now, does it? For the year 2008, I hope that I will work towards maintaining a clean bill of health. And I hope the people around me will do likewise too. (Not so) Random video of the Day 永保安康 她轻靠我的肩 车票握在手心里面 窗外风景变换倒退 思绪回到有你的从前 像小说的情节 你我曾爱的浪漫缠绵 用了心想要完成每个誓约 祈祷爱情可以永不变 叹世界太多变 如今是她和我依偎 我怎能不抱歉 听说你仍紧锁着心扉 我好挂念我好挂念 我仍关心你的一切 只是很单纯像朋友久违 想要知道你都顺遂 我会想念我会想念 我会祝福你到永远 若你也记得那些昨天 永保安康 是我们最后的诺言
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:14 PM
Saturday, February 02, 2008
With the increasing awareness of the importance of environmental conservatism, I have decided to reuse the following picture from the past Lunar New Year.
 Owe Money, Pay Money! With four days to the new Lunar year, a gentle reminder to those who have owed me money to pay up. You don't want to be cursed with Jocie Guo Mei Mei's irritating 老鼠爱大米, or lagi worse, her 不怕不怕 looping in your head don't you?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:38 PM
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