sing when you're wanking
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Monday, March 31, 2008
Born again Magpie supporter Belfast Boy, in a post on the Newcastle Online Forum after the excellent showing against Tottenham Hotspurs
"I've not celebrated a goal like I did the 4th since I don't know when, maybe not since Bellamy's late winner in Holland. Such a good feeling right now, and so pleased for Oba. I had lost my passion for the game with Allardyce in charge, I was even feeling guilty getting my two young girls into it, today is the first time they have seen what football can do to me. Only one man could have brought about such a change in a football club. God bless King Kev!" A testosterone charged MagicNumber9, posting on the same forum "This is the best feeling ive had since my first w@nk" A delirious, overly optimistic and mathematically challenged tyw to his brother We are only 22 points away from Everton! Let's pip them for the UEFA cup slot!! (Not so) Random Picture of the Day  Eck!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:16 PM
Sunday, March 30, 2008
I once wrote a guide on answering banal questions, and I felt it should be complemented with a guide on asking banal questions. Hampered by the lack of source materials, I have it on the back burner but with question like the one below, it won't be long that such a guide grace this stinky blog of mine.
While talking to an expectant colleague who has just entered her final trimester... tyw: So is your baby following your husband's surname? Colleague: o O! Of course, what kind of question is that? I don't think there is any mitigation for my gaffe, except maybe for the fact that radiation from the computers is bad for the brain cells. Random video of the day 没有很会唱 by 小宇。Talented chap, good music, great video and look out for the afro pug! 在学猫叫喵喵谁在唱着有人 在学狗叫汪汪谁在唱着有人 在学猫叫喵喵谁在唱着有人 在学狗叫汪汪谁在唱着 俺从不觉得自己转音很厉害 俺总是觉得自己唱歌慢半拍 唱高音都不够high 唱低音都出不来 oh no 我打开电视每个人都超赞(你看oh) 每个特写镜头头发会飞超帅(oh) 真是够了 电风扇吹的我一边转台一边流汗 是不是该装man呢 是不是装可爱呢 是不是闹绯闻呢 来抄袭如何 喵喵谁在唱着 有人在学狗叫汪汪 谁在唱着有人 在学猫叫喵喵谁在唱着 到底怎么叫才有可能全场喝采 喵喵谁在唱着 有人在学狗叫汪汪谁在唱着 有人在学猫叫喵喵谁在唱着 也许随便叫才有可能跟得上时代 俺从不觉得自己b box很厉害 俺总是觉得自己rap慢半拍 唱英文发音太怪 唱中文feel出不来 没有很会唱怎么办 是不是该装man呢 是不是装可爱呢 是不是闹绯闻呢 做自己如何 喵喵谁在唱着 有人在学狗叫汪汪谁在唱着 有人在学猫叫喵喵谁在唱着 不管谁在叫都有可能被自己崇拜 虽然这环境很怪异 no... 很多事情没有道理 想不通矮 我随便唱一唱就算了 反正不会卖的 download就好了 没有人在意的 音乐是我的手指头是你的 谁的脑袋空的 喵喵谁在唱着 有人在学狗叫汪汪谁在唱着 有人在学猫叫喵喵谁在唱着 我想跟着叫才有可能永远被宠爱 我姓宋朝的宋宝盖头 长木头就是宋念我 没有口想念我 你懂不懂宇宙的宙 哎唷我说错随便唱都会通 小宇同学就是我
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:36 AM
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I just knew it. Back in a January 2007's now defunct Random Ejaculation posting, I noted that "In what has to be biggest lie perpetuated since the story of "The Boy who cried Wolf", every football match held at the National Stadium is being billed as the "last match at the National Stadium", no doubt a marketing ploy by organizers trying to play the nostalgia card. This Asean Football Championship event (The event formerly known as Tiger Cup, or TEFKATC for short) is the fourth or fifth event to be held at the National Stadium since news of the "imminent demolishing of the National Stadium" first surfaced. Who knows, the National Stadium might still be around when Singapore host the 2100 edition of the World Cup."
Then came the closing ceremony and a "final" match against a star-studded Australia team in June 2007 to lay the grand old lay to rest. Or so we thought... Saturday,22 March 2008 International Friendly Singapore 0-0 Australia (FT) Kick Off: 1900hrs, National Stadium, Singapore
Random quote of the Day It's like giving you the shirt without the pants. James, when told that Starhub will no longer broadcast the Champions League with the Barclays Premier League after it lost the broadcast right of the former to Singtel.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:50 PM
Friday, March 21, 2008
Singapore
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:12 PM
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Given that Golden Mile is the little Thailand of Singapore, Peninsular Shopping Centre is the Little Burma and Little India is the er...Little India of our nation, where in our country can you find Little China?
Make a guess, give it your best shot. Whoever gets it right will have the honour of having your name mentioned on this blog and be a mini-celebrity among the three or four odd chaps who stumble upon this site while searching for wanking pics. Random video of the Day 为你写诗， the most romantic thing one could do...besides 为你吃屎.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:06 PM
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Maybe mandating taxis to stop only at taxi stands while in the Central Business District area isn't such a bright idea after all. A: That was a marathon meeting! Knn, 3 freaking hours! B: And lagi sian, now rain big big. Don't know how to go back to office too. A: Argh, bo bian, think need to take a cab back to the office even as it is just 5 minutes walk away. After an bitterly chilling 20 minutes wait at the taxi stand, they finally reached the end of the queue and hopped onto a cab.. B: Wah piang uncle, we waited damn long for a cab lor.. Taxi Driver: Aiyah bo bian la. Government says can only stop at taxi stands mah. So now both the cabs and passengers have to queue lor. A: Tch.. Uncle, we are going to XXX Building. Just down the road only. Taxi Driver: Ah Di ah, Uncle cannot stop at XXX Building. There got no taxi stand, no driveway also. A: But uncle, heavy rain leh. Cannot close one eye meh. Taxi Driver: Government says cannot means cannot. Sorry ah, later I tio or tang 100 dollars, who pay for me. B: Stupid government. So where's the taxi stand nearest to XXX Building. Taxi Driver: This one lor. A & B; ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are getting off then. Taxi Driver: Wait, that would be $2.50. A: What for!? Taxi Driver: You are alighting from my taxi, and you are at the taxi stand nearest to your destination. Now pay up. A & B: ........ Random Picture of the Day  Crazy Taxi 4, Singapore CBD. The latest incarnation of the popular arcade game is now set in the garden city Singapore. Try to outwit and outsmart the legion of parking attendants and traffic police as you attempt to pick up and drop off passengers away from the designated taxi stands while in the Central Business District zone!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:18 PM
Saturday, March 08, 2008
The New Paper used to be a staple read of mine in my formative years. Nowadays I tend to eschew it, given the rather sensationalized reporting style, in favor of more serious publications like the The reporter, Tan Shi'an, was cooing about how passionate and devoted her fiance is towards the underachieving Tottenham Hotspurs team. To prove her point, she recounted on how he was mercilessly taunted by donning his Spurs jersey the day after his team's now legendary 5-3 collapse against Manchester United despite leading 3-0 at half time. When asked why he persisted in wearing the white garb despite knowing the barrage of taunts and teases, he said: "The real fans are not the ones who wear their team's jerseys after they win. They're the ones who still wear their jerseys after they lose." Bravo! Spoken like a true fan! Anyway, like your typical feel good love story, the gal was impressed with the guy's undying passion and dedication for the football club. She reasoned that if a guy can stick through thick and thin with an under performing football club, he would do likewise in a relationship. If ladies really do value such quality in men, I would probably be Mr. Popular among the fairer sex. My dedication to Newcastle United is probably palpable to those around me. What you may not know is that: 1) The faithful allegiance started more than a decade back, when the club was bewitching football fans with its brand of cavalier football that enabled it to lead the Premiership by more than 10 over points. Alas it spectacularly imploded and handed the title to Manchester United. 2) Like most football fans, I was attracted by the feel good factor of supporting a winning club. When I first hopped onto the Newcastle United bandwagon, they were sitting on top of the Premier League. 13 years down the road, it turned out that I boarded a roller coaster instead. From experiencing the euphoria during the Keegan era and wading through the notorious "sexy football" period helmed by Ruud Gullit, I was lifted back to cloud nine when Sir Bobby Robson took over and only to be plunged deep back into the abyss when Graeme Souness kickstarted the insidious decay that is turning the club into the morose outfit that it is today. And now with 9 games left, we are only 3 points off the relegation zone and winless since January, we look doomed for the drop. Look at how things have changed. The team that was once prided as the most exciting football team is now ridiculed as a team with a toothless attack and a defence as secure than the Whitley Road detention centre. 3) This club hasn't won any trophies since mid 1960s. I once made a promise to myself that I will chop off all my locks if they managed to win any major trophies. At the rate that the club is playing, and my hair is falling, I will probably turn bald first. 4) And two of the purported Newcastle United football fans that I knew, have since moved on to "support" Chelsea and Manchester United. I won't be surprised if they start donning Geylang United jerseys when they finally clinch the World Hookers' Cup Competition. 5) Since university days, I have been donning iterations of the Newcastle United classic black and white striped jerseys for all my examinations. Heck, I think there was a week where I wore Newcastle jerseys for every day. Guess I wanted to use my passion for the club to mask my lack of fashion sense. 6) Back in the days while serving as a conscript, I would stay up through the nights when Newcastle United were playing and get live sms updates from my brother. I slowly moved up the technological chain and started reading "live text commentary" of Newcastle matches while staying in the university hostel. Sleep is definitely over rated when Newcastle is playing. 7) I can still vividly remember the night when Newcastle crashed out of the Champions League qualifier after losing to Partizan Belgrade on penalties. Up reading the live commentary at 4 plus in the morning, my world literally crashed as the pre-match favourite was dumped out by the Serbia underdogs. I almost broke down in the showers in the aftermath of that defeat. And yes, I headed to school in a Newcastle jersey that day. So ladies if you subscribed to the Tan Shi'an's school of thoughts, I should be sitting there right on top of your eligible bachelor list together with such luminaries like Quasimodo of The Hunchback of Notre Dame fame and our very own Steven Lim. Rest assured, I will stick with you even when your boobs start sagging, just like how I have and will with Newcastle United. (Not so) Random Picture of the Day  Hi Chio Bu, do you want to come my room and er.... look at my Newcastle Flag?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:53 PM
Monday, March 03, 2008
Ahem..
财神到 财神到 财神到我的家门口。。 Oops, miscue (putting on my best Barry White's impersonation) Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to Mabelline Low Happy Birthday to you...... And since it's your big day, you can have my slice of cake too! Stay bubbly and be the steadfast and caring friend that you have always been. Here's a song Barry White's Just The Way You Are Don't go changing, trying to please me You never let me down before I don't imagine you're too familiar And I don't see you anymore I would not leave you in times of trouble We never could have come this far I took the good times, I'll take the bad times I'll take you just the way you are Don't go trying some new fashion Don't change the color of your hair You always have my unspoken passion Although I might not seem to care I don't want clever conversation I don't want to work that hard I just want some someone to talk to I want you just the way you are. I need to know that you will always be The same old someone that I knew What will it take till you believe in me The way that I believe in you. I said I love you and that's forever And this I promise from my heart I could not love you any better I love you just the way you are.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:01 AM
Saturday, March 01, 2008
Boy: Hi..Er.. I bought two tickets for the movie PS I Love You. Am wondering whether are you free to watch the movie with me? Girl: Sorry. My mama say got terrorist on the loose. Very dangerous, ask me not to go out. So I got to stay at home. Boy: Orh... Girl: Bye. *Doot.....* Boy: ...... Die you terrorist!!! (Not so) Random Picture of the Day  Let's hope Mas Selamat get apprehended soon so that boy can date girl out for a movie.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:28 PM
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