sing when you're wanking
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Saturday, January 28, 2006
It's the eve of the Chinese New Year Eve and Mr. X suggested having dinner at this authentic Korean restuarant at Furama Hotel. Besides Mr.X and me, those who responded to this eve of CNY eve food trip were James, Fyp mate 2 and Ooof, who lamented that he went the entire day without food due to oversleeping.
However a simple meal for us is usually not that simple. As usual, there were a fair share of hitches as we gone on a tour to Holland while munching on Holland beans before we got to the hotel. In laymen terms, we got lost again! In what could be a 15 minutes stroll from Penisular Plaza, it transgressed into an hour trek from Tanjong Pagar MRT through the orgy of human bodies at Chinatown before reaching our destination. And throughout the whole journey, i had to endure stabs and grabs from Ooof, who probably lost his sanity from the induced hunger and mistaken me for a well fed pig.     Someone must had spotted Santa still hovering in the sky. After much physical torture, we barely managed to reach the Korean restaurant. Before commenting about the food, i must mention that the restaurant is a melting pot of different nationalities. There's a PRC waitress serving us, a Korean lady who took our orders and an Indonesian lady clearing the dishes before we left. Moving onto the food, it was pretty delicious and affordable. The side dishes, which comprise of braised chestnuts, kimchi, bean sprouts, radish and some weird vegetables were appetising, especially the former two dishes.  Next up was this beef hotplate dish which sounded like Monica Belluci. And it certainly tasted as sweet as the Italian's sweet mammaries.  After the sizzling hot beef, two soup based dishes were served. The first was a mini ginseng Chicken pot shown below. The other, which i unfortunately failed to capture on my phone, was a bean curd stew which tasted great, albeit a tad too spicy.  The last two dishes served was this pan cake kimchi egg thingy and fried prawns which tasted like some normal Chinese fare. To be honest, these two dishes were pretty disappointing.   A dinner with the crew is never complete without a quote worthy moment involving James. Lamenting that i had been losing at mahjong even since the turn on the year( and playing on the new table), I suggested that it might got to do with those under the Dog zodiac sign having Fan Tai Suey* this year. Ooof suggested that playing with khakis all from the same zodiac sign would solve the problem, which made sense until James said this: "Even if you win money from playing with fellow Doggies, you would go bust when the police raid your house for illegal gambling." As the year of the Chicken draws to a close, tyw would like to take this opportunity to wish all readers a Happy and Prosperous Dog year ahead of you. Special mentions should also go out to those who are working , doing their attachment or on student exchange in a foreign land. Don't be sad, at least you can escape from the incessant probing from your distant relatives on when you are a) getting a boyfriend/girlfriend, b) getting married if have one, c) getting a first child if you married one or d) getting a new spouse if you divorced one.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:20 PM
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I know it is a form of courtesy to give up your seat for the needy, especially the elders and the pregnant ladies. Before you jumps the gun and start dissing me for doing a Xiaxue and not giving up my seat, i would like to state that i do so most of the time.
However a problem arises when you offer your seat to someone whom you think is pregnant but actually turns out she just loves her food. Take this instance as an illustration: tyw was happily reading his Get Fuzzy in the Life section when he chanced upon a lady with a noticable bulge at her midriff. tyw: Eh, i think i'm giving up my seat for the pregnant lady there. mrt khaki (mk) : Eh wait, what if she's not pregnant leh? Later paiseh leh... tyw: Herm...true hor. But what if she pregnant leh..Like that quite bad leh. Alas, someone else got off the train and the lady settled down on the empty seat which was a few seats away from us. With a couple of glances, i was able to ascertain that the bulge was no more than an accumulation of natural heat insinuation. Imagine the akwardness that would ensue if i stood up and offered my seat...... If i am to use a term to sum up this situation, it would be Lam Pa Pa Lan*, or LPPL in short. If the lady is pregnant contrary to your belief, it would be bad to let her stand for the train journey. On the other hand, give up your seat to a rotund lady would result in an awkward siutation. Someone ought start a program to hand out some form of identification accessories,ala those Livestrong bands, to pregnant ladies so that members of public can render the necessary assistance to them. *Lam Pa Pa Lan is a Hokkien derogatory term for dilemma. It literally means a situation whereby the either the left or the right testicle bangs against the penis, resulting in pain and discomfort in either situation. Random Picture of the Day  Baghdatis for the Aussie Open!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:27 PM
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Since i'm away from home for most part of the day, i can't get to see my Tony Tony Chopper figurine bobbing it's head. So to compensate for my lack of quality time gazing at it, i decided to post a video of Chopper in it's head swaying glory.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:07 AM
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Ah Huay, who is sick of keep being two-timed by her boyfriends, put up an advertisement for a new partner on a popular online dating portal. She listed the below criterias for her prospective partner: 1. Must not be flirtatious with other ladies 2. Cannot be too touchy feely with other ladies 3. Must be able to satisfy her in bed A few days later, Ah Huay received an unexpected guest at her 2nd floor apartment. Opening the door, she saw a short chap with deformed limbs standing in front of her. Ah Huay(AH) : Huh, who are you ah? Short Guy(SG) : I i i i .... saw yourrrr... advertismenttt..forr... AH: Eh, think you see sala leh. I'm looking for boy fren leh! SG: Buttt....i..meets....yourrrr...criterias..lehhh.. AH: Wu yea bo? SG: Yeaaaaa...howww..can..i..flirtttt...with....my.... AH: Ok ok, got your point. SG: Then......howww..can...i...touch...other...gals...withhh..myyy....armsss... likeee...theseee..? AH: Herm...true hor. But i want a tiger in bed leh, those sibei song kind. SG:Eh....howww...do...you...thinkkkk....i....managed.......toooo...yourrr.....doooorr.. steppss..withhh...thossseee...limbbsss...offf...minneeee..? (Note: Adapted from a Fei Yu Qing's decade old program.) Random Purchase of the Day  Tony Tony Chopper!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:34 AM
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Within hours of posting the question, yaohui aka author of 夜的诗人 blog came up with the answer. Polar bears reside in the artic, which is the north pole to the geographically challenged folks like me, hence their chinese name 北极熊 and penguins reside in the antartic which is the south pole. So it is virtually impossible for them to meet, unless in the confine of a zoo. Kudos to yaohui for being the first to come up with the answer, even without any monetary or material incentives in sight. Perhaps having your name published on a site which is frequented by surfers looking for gay porn is a form of motivation for you. Kidding.
Props should also goes to Alvin, author of the blog Trail of Passion, for getting the right answer albeit mixing up the locations of the animals. sammm of monsterputt too got it right. In case you are wondering, the werewolves part was because i conjured up the idea of this post on Friday the 13th, but was too lazy to post it on the night itself. Besides, it was also a lame joke directed three utterly bored ladies who were rushing through their L'oreal project in the FAL on the night of Friday the 13th. Lastly, a special mention should go out to Mabel. Although she did not get the answer correct, i applaude her for actively participating in all the bo liao quizzes i had been posting on my blog. And no, Becos got no bird flu, he is perfectly healthy. Random Link of the Day. Tired of the utterly boring fare shown on local TV? Enduring hours of boring shows just to catch the titillating iGallop advertisement? Rather take your own life then sit through a screening of Ch5's Lifeline? Fret not, the local blogsphere is here to alleviate your boredom. With suspense, intrigue, backstabbing and mysteries to make the even the most outrageous WWE angle looks like an episode of Barney, the furore surronding Xiaxue,Blinkymummy and Xialanxue will certainly keep you glued in front of your monitor. Be forewarned, it's going to get messy. Click here.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:24 PM
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Here's somewhat of a brainteaser for the readers. Despite their cute and laidback demeanours, polar bears are known to be carnivorous eaters that even eat their own kinds. Here's an extract about the polar bears' diet that's written on wikipedia: "It is the most completely carnivorous member of the bear family, and the one that is most likely to prey on humans as food. It feeds mainly on seals, especially Ringed Seals that poke holes in the ice to breathe (although it should be noted that their success rate at catching the seals rarely goes beyond 5% of attempts), but will eat anything it can kill: birds, rodents, shellfish, crabs, Beluga Whales, walruses, occasionally Musk Oxen, and very occasionally other Polar Bears."
Given their carnivorous nature, why polar bears don't eat penguins? Readers are welcome to post their answers in the comments section of this post. Reader with the correct answer will get a mention on this blog of mine, joining illustrious luminaries like Lin Chiling, Michelle Wie and Scarlett Johansson. Having your name published here will allow maximum publicity exposure all over the world since this blog is often frequent by viewers from different nationalities who stumbled onto my site searching for Lin Chiling pictures, Michelle Wie upskirt shots, Gay Porn etc.. So why hestitate, give it a shot now!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:43 PM
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Why does it always rain on me... --------------------------------------------------------------------- As dew aptly puts it, it has been raining so much that it's like God, Buddha and Allah are trying to drown us. Not that im an anti-rain person. When i do not have any plans for the day, raining means it's extra cosy to sleep in and also justifies me eating more for the sake of "keeping warm". Though the prospect of turning my undie over and wearing them again due to the laundry not drying fast enough kinda freaks me out.
Besides the above mentioned, I hates rain especially during school days. I gonna lug around an umbrella everywhere i go and risk misplacing them in the canteens, LTs, classrooms and lagi worse, the toilets. It's still ok when it's raining throughout the day, but carrying an umbrella when there's no rain in sight makes me look like a doofus. Let's take today as an illustration, it was drizzling when i left home. Given the torrential downpour of late, i decided to bring along a big brawlie for the extra inches of protection. When i left the comfort of the shelther of the void decks, the rain amazingly stopped. And from then on till i left school, not a single drop of water fell from the sky. In the end, I felt that i wasn't doing justice to bringing such a big brawlie around that i openly wished that it would rain. That's not exactly a brilliant idea. I got caught in a flash downpour while on the way home, with my sneakers and jeans soaked wet. Nevertheless, all these rain might actually bring some good news afterall. If it continues to rain for weeks and the laundries refuse to dry up in due time. What are the odds that the ladies go prancing around in their birthday suits? Ok, enough with all these pervertic thoughts and let's move on to....more perverse related entries. Being a pervert is an expensive hobby ----------------------------------------------------------------------- About a month ago, the belles of Blk 65 returned from their getaway to Thailand with a gift for me. While it is always a joy to receive, i kinda expected it to be your average tourist-y kind of souveniers, like a Sawadeeka! keychain or maybe a "Phuket!" t-shirt. If it's up to me, i wish they could give me the snapshots of the performers at the Thaiger show in all their bottle opening glories. When Rs handed the present in a nondescript Kinokuniya plastic bag, i didn't think too much of the gift. It was only when yy mentioned that i would love the gift, especially the first few pages, my interest was piqued. Maybe the Kinokuniya plastic bag contains the legendary Karma Sutra sanscript or maybe even *gasp* the Yu Nu Xin Jing!!! When i slowly took out the book, i saw a big pair of er...eyes staring at me. Further inspection revealed more of the same, skimpily clad gals with a pair of electrifying er.. eyes staring at me. rs later informed me via sms that my gift was the most costly one that they bought in Thailand. What can i say, being a pervert is truly an expensive hobby. Random conversation of the Day Mystery Man: 我会带两粒甘去跟我得GE老师拜年。 tyw: Wah, how come so good? Mystery Man: Gan ni nan bei and Gan ni nan bu.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:21 PM
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Er..finally i decided to start on the 7 things thingy after being tagged by both sammm,fmq, jingsi and nodder. Had been too lazy to type it cause frankly, it's damn bloody wordy and time consuming. I'm doing it as i wanna get it over and done with and not drag it into the new lunar year lah, or not bad luck (supposedly) will befall on me. Nyeah nyeah, call me pan tang all you want la. 7 things that scare me 1. Becoming a vegetarian 2. Souness signing a 10 years contract with Newcastle United 3. Turning deaf or cripple 4. Losing my loved ones and friends 5. Newcastle doing a Leeds 6. Singing dolphins ala Hitchiker's Guide to Galaxy 7. Steven Lim aka the eyebrow plucker wearing the yellow undie 7 things i like 1. Mahjong, especially after carrying home the new mahjong table 2. Newcastle United (shall explain my liking for them in length some other day) 3. Sleeping, especially on a cold rainy day 4. Watching TV, especially the innate Taiwanese variety shows. 5. Solitude. I like doing things alone; be it eating, watching movies, shopping etc.. I'm a certified introvert bordering on austism. Hah. 6. Travelling. Hope to be a wanderlust in the near future. Places i want to visit: Vietnam, Cambodia, Russia, Turkey, Newcastle, Brazil and Kusu Island. 7. Funny people. The world need more people like them. 7 things i like most in my room 1. PC and the goodies stored inside. hurhurhur 2. My home theatre system which can plays cd,dvds etc. 3. My countless number of CDs and DVDs (approximately close to 500 of them) 4. My bed,pillows,blanket,bedsheet. (Note: No soft toys) 5. My TV and cable set top 6. My brother to talk cock sing song with 7. The game systems 7 random facts about me 1. The entire batch of JC1 kids actually observed a minute of silence for me in 1999. Read more here. 2. I stammers whenever i address my father, Papa. 3. I totally detest abalones. 4. I am known to my brother's friends as Fatty. And i kinda like the name. Haha. 5. I have a soft spot for gals wearing plastic or funky spectacles. 6. A 1cm pencil lead is lodged on my left inner thigh. Read more here. 7. I have yet to shed a tear for more than 10 years. 7 things i plan to do before i die 1. Find the elixir of life. 2. Own a pug. 3. Watch Newcastle United plays at St. James Park. 4. Travel to Russia, Cambodia, Vietnam and Turkey. 5. Ascertain whether Lin Chiling's mimis are real or not. 6. Bungee Jump. 7. Solve the mystery of whether egg or chicken comes first. 7 things i can do 1. Sit infront of the PC for hours and type the 7 things thingy 2. Live in an area of filth. Back in the army days, didn't change my bedsheet or pillowcase at all. Only brought it home occassionally to wash it when my mum nagged at me. My room hadn't been cleaned for close to a month. When i was staying in hall 14, my room was cleaned once every semester. You get the drift. 3. Eat buffets on two consecutive days. Or used to be able to do it. 4. Buy cds on impulse 5. Eat yong tau foo soup kosong for an entire semester. 6. Screw up the same knee twice. 7. Pick up the roaches by their feelers. 7 things i can't do 1. Drive. 2. Cook. 3. Give birth. 4. Ovulate. 5. Do the 十三幺. 6. Balance myself. 7. Complete a book within a week. The longest time i taken to complete reading a book was more than a year. 7 things i say most 1. KNN. 2. Hong gan. 3. Pu bor. 4. Nabei Cheebye. 5. Er.. 6. Huh? 7. cheebye! 7 celeb crushes 1. Lin Chiling. The face, the voice, the boobs. Ahh... 2. Jiangyi. Look at those legs! 3. Maria Sharapova. Those ears piercing grunts.....aw.. 4. Vivian Hsu. 天使的脸孔，魔鬼的身材. 5. Cheer Chen. A talent and chio lass. 6. Faith Yang. 冰山美人 7. Scarlett Johanson. Loved her in Lost in Translation. 7 Albums that i like 1. Beyond's Live and Basic 2. Oasis's What's the story, morning glory. 3. Nirvana's Unplugged in New York 4. Wubai's 树枝孤鸟 5. Cheer Chen's 华丽的冒险 6. Bobby Chen's Greatest Hits 7. LMF's 大懒堂 7 Movies that i like 1. Shawshank Redemption 2. 英雄本色 3. City of God 4. Usual Suspects 5. Godfather 6. Kill Bill 1 7. LOTR 7 People who i'll love see doing this An open invitation to those who derive pleasure from torturing themselves. Doing this 7 things thingy is a mental and physical torture which i believed the masochists will enjoy immensely. Random Picture of the Day  tyw enacting revenge on the tiger.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:38 PM
Friday, January 06, 2006
"Hey Fatty, NTUC selling Mahjong Table at a discount of $29.90. Go buy leh." So tyw checked the table out at NTUC TM after the phonecall from my brother. En route i met up with Constable Cow to purchase a memory stick for his new PSP. After that, i used my jedi mind tricks to get him to agree to accompany me to buy the table and carry it home with me. While the thought of taking a cab home from the TM taxi stand did cross our minds, it quickly dissipated when we visualize the people inside MacDonald sniggering at two idiots carrying a mahjong table. So we decided to let the motorists and the pedestrians snigger at us instead. While walking back, Constable Cow decided to utilise my camera phone and record the below video with a play by play commentary to boot.....
PS: Off camera, an idiot decked out in a translucent long sleeve shirt actually came up and strike a conversation with me. Idiot: Eh, good deal huh? tyw : I beg your pardon? Idiot: Your mahjong table. tyw: Yeah. Idiot: $29.90 NTUC right? tyw: Yeah. Idiot: Good deal. tyw: Why don't you get one too? Idiot walked off while muttering something incomprehensible. Random Picture of the Day  Gnawed by the tiger.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:38 PM
Monday, January 02, 2006
You know things are out of control when the citizens usher in the new year by lighting up cars instead of fireworks. In what started off as protests against the unfortunate deaths of two French youths of Arabic ethnicity while being pursued by the police, it swifty evolved into full scale riots that spreaded across France. While the riots seemed to die down after the imposing of curfews, the riots reared it ugly heads again on the last day of 2005.
So what was the real reason behind the riots? The above video was made by a French youth, depicting the culumination of events and discriminations faced by the immigrants which sparked the riots. Ps1: The above video is made with the game, The Movie, by Lionhead studios and should be accordingly credited to them and the French youth whose name slipped my mind. Ps2: I stumbled across the handy Youtube video uploader tool while surfing lychee's blog.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:34 AM
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