sing when you're wanking

sing when you're wanking <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d7528148\x26blogName\x3dsing+when+you\x27re+wanking\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://theyodellingwanker.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://theyodellingwanker.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d4083572636744835203', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe", messageHandlersFilter: gapi.iframes.CROSS_ORIGIN_IFRAMES_FILTER, messageHandlers: { 'blogger-ping': function() {} } }); } }); </script>

Thursday, June 28, 2007

私奔

好想放下一切，私奔到台湾。

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:25 AM

0 comments

Sunday, June 24, 2007

GST Hike

Whenever there's a sales going on, rationality becomes a scarce resource.

For a moment yesterday, I thought there is a new donut outlet at Takashimaya. Doing a double-take, I realized the snaking queue comprised of some extremely loaded shoppers waiting to step foot into the Louis Vuitton boutique. Let me type it again, the snaking queue comprised of some extremely loaded shoppers waiting to step foot into the Louis Vuitton boutique. Holy cow, the economy must be on a major upswing at the moment. Who knows, we may one day have a LV index which monitors the state of the local economy by observing the length of the queue outside the Takashimaya's LV boutique, just like the Big Mac index.

If it's already difficult enough to exercise rationality during sales season, imagine what it is like now with the impending 2% hike in GST this coming July. Just last week, in order to avoid the impending GST hike, I expended over a grand to upgrade my computer, leading to a severe cashflow crunch. Doing my sums after the purchase, the GST savings amounted to a princely figure of...... $30. Woah.

I reckon that the impending GST hike can be such a potent rationality buster that one might even be able to peddle a bra to a male shopper.

Bra Promoter (BP) : Sir, you want to buy bra?

Male Shopper (MS) : Er...I have no need for it leh...

BP : Maybe you will develop some man boobs next time mah.

MS : Choy, mine all muscles. You want to touch and see or not?

BP : Hah, no lah. Joking only. But now hor, got 20% discount leh! Can buy for your girlfriend mah. We got those lacy kind, ah ma kind, transparent kind, and even the conical kind wore by Madonna.

MS: I don't have a girlfriend leh.

BP: You got hear of the Cinderella story or not?

MS: Er, yea...

BP: Good good. Then you should buy our bra. Whoever can fits swee swee into this bra confirm is your significant half.

MS: But.. but.. The bra you are showing me is an A cup leh. You know, I prefer my women to be a little..hur hur..you know lah..well stocked..hur hur

BP: Eh..but if you buy it now, you can beat the GST hike leh. Save on 2% taxes!

MS: Yeah, you have a point. Give me two then.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:37 PM

2 comments

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Please be my friend!

There was this story published a fortnight ago on Sunday Times on how this pair of sisters collect online friends for a hobby. On the last count, they managed to add over 16,000 friends on social networking websites like the Friendster and MySpace.

Over 16,000!? That is more than 80 times the number of "friends" I have on my Friendster account. After being a member for over 4 years, I thought I have finally made it on Friendster when I breached the 200 "Friends" mark recently. And this was after I begged, bribed, coerced, sweet talked and curry favored before the 200 reluctant souls pitied and added me as their friend.

Let's face it, the playing field isn't level between the sexes. A pout and a few flashes of cleavage will probably garner a (decent looking) girl more friends in a day than I did in 4 years. Sure, I can also pout and squeeze my moobs for the cleavage effect, but that will result in me getting death threats instead of "friend requests". Life isn't fair.

Okay, I'm sore because the two ladies have more online friends than the strands of hair on my head.

(Not so) Random Picture of the Day

Take pity on me and add me as your friend. (Insert puss in boots picture here)

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:17 AM

2 comments

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How important is a Provisional Driving License (PDL) that expired more than 1.5 years ago?

Significant enough for me to spend half an hour in my flu weaken state and rummage through my dust infested room to search for it. While I can't wreak havoc behind wheels with my expired PDL, I could at least get it renewed at the post office instead of making another trip this Saturday to the driving school and risk getting run over by some trainee drivers wreaking havoc behind the wheels.

After rummaging through the thick stack of mostly outdated letters, I managed to find the PDL, caked with a layer of dust thicker than the talcum powder on a baby's ass. I was about to declare the PDL hunt an unqualified success until I stumbled upon this bold print on one of the letters...

"If you do not log in within the 30-day period, with effect from 1st December 2006, your temporary SDU Membership will expire. Your records will be deleted from the database. Subsequently, if you wish to join SDU after 6 months from the graduation date, a membership fee of $10-$15 per individual per year, depending on age group, will apply."

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random youtube video of the day

失恋王 by 陈小春

唱尽了惨遭爱侣遗弃那些歌
仍然无一首够震撼我实际碰到的痛苦苦更多
失恋的故事同样的折堕难怪像每首都写我
你不要跟我争争先唱这最惨的歌

要是你想跟我斗难过斗凄楚
随时拿起咪唱两段我为你叹息的会否比我多
即使间你能流出真眼泪
谁个又会悲惨得过
揭开我的创伤竟好过讲笑话
娱乐大众得到掌声更多

每段恋爱都会认错人失恋的冠军
怎会再有别个这样幸福
谁都跟我没可能合衬才显出我身份
几百万个人只得一个吸引力完全是零分
最低等所以第一名是我
你那里及我衬

要是你想知我对情爱有几灰
随时能讲几个晚上记录痛苦的歌够开演唱会
一生的爱人留低的再会合计亦有几千分贝
最初我不过想分一个安慰奖
谁能料到失恋竟捧了杯

每段恋爱都会认错人失恋的冠军
怎会再有别个这样幸福
谁都跟我没可能合衬才显出我身份
几百万个人只得一个吸引力完全是零分
最低等所以第一名是我
你那里及我衬

看看我有多黱亢奋
看看我最终得到了全场大奖
全凭无人著紧

每段恋爱都会认错人失恋的冠军
怎会再有别个这样幸�
谁都总有甚黱人合衬难得抱憾终生
几百万个人只得一个恋爱吣芡黄屏惴�
负三分该庆幸的人是我
我会继续发奋

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:30 PM

0 comments

Sunday, June 10, 2007

One step closer to emulating Mr.Fann Wong

Not wanting to face the ignominy of obtaining my driving license later than Zoe Tay's foetus, I finally got my act together and registered for a driving course at the driving school, which I reckon it to be Singapore's most dangerous place. I'm not even sure if insurance companies will pay out if you get roll over repeatedly by a school of trainee drivers. Better remind me to call the insurance agent to clarify that.

Speaking of trainee drivers, I can't believe that this conversation actually took place recently between a driving instructor and my friend;

Upon approaching an amber traffic light, my friend accelerated instead of doing the politically right thing of slowing down...

Instructor: Why did you accelerate instead of stopping?

Friend: The car behind would have ram into us.

Instructor: What if you run down someone by speeding past the traffic light?

Friend: The person would have die.

Instructor: Is that anything you could do to help the person?

Friend: There's is nothing I can do.

Instructor: You are cold blooded.

(Not so) Random Picture of the Day

Kua si mi Kua? Not happy isit? Come out and settle lah!

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:36 PM

0 comments

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

World Environment Day

Today is World Environment Day, if you haven't notice. Do remember to hug a tree or kiss the soil after reading this.

Ironically given the significance of the date, I couldn't have chosen a better day to erroneously hit the enter button and churned out a whooping report which took more than an hour to print. Almost five hundred pages later, I could imagine myself being pelted to death with recycled paper by social activists. Ouch!

Random Pug video of the Day

Smart Pug. Yup, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. That's smart and pug appearing in the same, albeit short sentence.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:53 PM

0 comments

Welcome back!

After a 14 days hiatus from work, the corporate world decided to throw a massive "Welcome Back" party for me.....to work till 12am again.

Monday Blues + Murphy's Law. Woot.

Random Pug video of the Day

Pug Bowling!

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:49 AM

0 comments

Sunday, June 03, 2007

It's over, and my 脑 is 死!

It's over. Finally. My brain is dead too.

If not for it, I could have been screaming together with 8000 others at Mayday's concert last night.

If not for it, I could have use my 9 days of leave to travel instead.

If not for it, I could have blog about something more entertaining today.

But nevertheless, it's finally fucking over! (At least till I get my result in 2 months time)

Oh wait, I have to work tomorrow. Yay.

Random Pug video of the Day

Given the general ~~hatred~~ misperception displayed towards pugs, I shall attempt to highlight how adorable these critters are through a series of videos scoured from youtube. First off, Dexter the sleeping pug.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:34 PM

0 comments