sing when you're wanking
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007
"There's no past or present tense."
My friend's superior, on why Hokkien is the preferred language of communication at his workplace. The sentence, not surprisingly, was uttered in Hokkien. Random Picture of the Day  The best thing of this picture? The absence of P65 hip hoppers.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:12 PM
Thursday, February 22, 2007
You know, Chinese New Year is all about eating. Eat, sleep, wake up and eat again.
Even during visiting, the highlight will be checking out the festive goodies your host lays out, and sharing nuggets of information with your fellow guests on where to purchase the best pineapple tarts. Just the other night, I was stuffing myself silly with pineapple tarts and love letters (the edible kind, not those that were sent back to me) moments after my late dinner. Unlike the host body, the digestive system doesn't usually work overtime and I was left with a myriad of undigested food in my globe-like tummy. As I laid wide-eyed on my bed and accelerating the greenhouse effect through the countless of farts and burps, I was pondering the likelihood of puking in my sleep and subsequently choking to death on my own waste material. Choking on my own puke after a binge eating session is such an unglamorous way to die, but heck, at least it makes a great conversation at the wake. Mourner: I'm sorry that tyw left. Relative: Yeah, at least he died while doing something he enjoys, or enjoyed. Mourner: Oh..that's good. (After a moment of awkward silence) Mourner: So did he meet with an accident while bungee jumping or skydiving? Relative: Nope... Mourner: Oh, must have crashed his car while driving... Relative: Neh, he choked on his own vomit. Mourner: Oh my.... At least he left on a high with that OD.. Relative: Drug overdoes? tyw? No chance. He choked on his vomit while sleeping after stuffing himself silly with pineapple tarts before that. Mourner: Oh.... (Another moment of awkward silence) Relative: Try the curry chicken, it's good. Mourner: Geez, thanks.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:45 PM
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
 干! @@#$#!$!@
Yes, Tuesday Feb 13 was the last time I stepped into office. This must be one of the worst Wednesday in years.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:29 PM
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
A misleading title as
1) I played mahjong instead of Da Lao Er (Dai Di) 2) The mahjong game actually started on 初一 (First Day of CNY) and ended on 初二 (2nd Day of CNY).  Huat ah!  Since I didn't lose any money, I would consider the first mahjong game played this CNY to be a success. However given that I won only 12 bucks for an 8 hour game (which works out to be $1.5/hr, still higher than a sweatshop worker), it was unrewarding in terms of monetary returns. Men can never be easily satisfied, can they? With a good part of the afternoon spent in bed, it was until after dinner that I stepped out to catch the Andy Lau fronted CNY movie, Protege. The movie was a refreshing change from those feel good comedies and Jackie Chan flicks of yore, with Andy Lau's spirited defense of the drug industry, on how drug peddlers don't advertise their goods unlike the cigarettes companies and how everything is driven by demand and supply, a highlight of the grim movie. Other reasons to catch the movie includes the druggie portrayed by Louis Koo, who showcased extraordinary comedic talent, and also his drug chick wife who looked bloody HOT!, in a morose kind of way.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:50 PM
Monday, February 19, 2007
 Hi all, meet my aunt's beagle! His name is pronounced the same way as fmq's pooch, albeit with a more conventional spelling, C-O-O-K-I-E. As you can see, my mum bolted from the seat once Cookie to get chummy with my dad. Sigh, an uphill task in convincing her to get a dog.  Like the trip to visit Qooki, I was subjected to some "intimate sniffing" by the pooch. Maybe our canine buddies like eating the Chinese delicacy, 发菜 (Fa Cai, a kind of vegetable which has a similar pronunciation to prosperous in Chinese) Ooof theorizes that the sniffing of crotch is a form of greeting among the canines community. This I can accept, but how does one explain the subsequent "vigorous pelvic thrust motions" he demonstrated while hugging my leg?  Dog: (Bow wow, Nice meeting you!) Brother: (Nice! You must taste good in a pot of hot stew!)  Look at the exhilaration on my dad's face and a glimmer of delight on my mum's. Maybe there's hope in getting a dog after all.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 3:12 PM
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Ooof's nick was spot on, Spring Cleaning is indeed a back breaker.
When I told my friends that I took 3 days leave to clean my room, all of them thought I was pulling their legs. Some even wisecracked that I'm bloody rich, since I need 3 days to clean my vast room. Yeah yeah, if I'm bloody rich, I would had hired some one else to clean it for me. Anyway, hope all readers are done with their spring cleaning. Happy Chinese New Year! Be good, and eat less pork. (Not so) Random Picture of the Day  And I took one bloody day to sort out my CD collection. By a rudimentary calculation, I owned around 400 CDs which amount to...... 8,000 bucks! Holy Shit! That amount of money could have provided for my driving lessons (and the subsequent re-tests) and also foot the down payment of a car. DAMN YOU, RECORD MOGULS!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:51 PM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Feb 14 came and went away, just like that.
Wanted to spread some love by donating platelets at the Blood Bank, but was turned away due to the sore throat I was nursing. Shouldn't have taken so much chips over the weekend. Not to forget the pineapple tarts, chocolates and oh oh, the chicken masala too. Dejected, and with plenty of time on my hand, I decided to explore the off-beaten side of Chinatown.  Hard to imagine that a building with such aesthetically pleasing architecture exist in Chinatown. It's actually situated near the temporary Chinatown market. Too bad it's a private residential, or else I would had headed in for more photo opportunities.  How many of you actually know that there's a park in Chinatown?  Spot the red "No trespassing" sign at the right of the picture? Given the dearth of human activity, you wouldn't disagree with my initial suspicion that some kind of zombie laboratory is housed at the top of the slope. Upon closer inspection, it's actually a water catchment area. Or a cesspool where zombies frolic under the moonlight.  The view from the top of Pearl's Hill City Park.  The tentacles of the monster that dwells in the park.  Path of uncertainty.  Look! The air molecules are playing at the slide! After the exhausting hike at the park under the sweltering heat, my instinct led me to one place I know best, the People's Park Food Centre.  Notice the activity? There are all queuing for bak kwa. Not any ordinary bak kwa, it's Jin Hua Yuan bak kwa!  Yes, another queue. Altogether now, and say....  BAK KWA!  Interesting sight. A big bunch of International School Kids soaking in the festive spirits.  Ended the Chinatown trip with a custard bun, or affectionately known as G Si Lou (Pig Shit Roll in Cantonese) that more than make up for the earlier disappointment for not being able to donate blood.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:45 PM
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
In view of the upcoming lunar new year, kindly remind me to return any $$ that is due to you. Likewise those who still owe me $$, please pay me back the $$. You don't want to be jinxed with bad luck for the upcoming new year, do you?
(Not so) Random Picture of the Day 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:09 PM
Monday, February 12, 2007
黑夜 (Night)  Shifting murals made up of lighting effects.  The kebaya clad Singapore pride, or joke.   Musical fountain right in the heart of Chinatown.  Despite the dazzling display of festivity decorations, this neon sign remains a personal favourite.  People Mountain People Sea at the night market.  The shop will sell you anything, as long as it's in red.  How many cardiac arrests will I get if I gobble up every lup cheons (waxed pork sausages) in sight?  May all readers have a prosperous pig year! 白天(Day)  Ribbit.  San rui, or soft shell turtles. Known for their herbal qualities.  Nope, they don't sell orang utans.  Terrapins. Yup, the same shelled pets many of us reared during our childhood.*
*Given that we Chinese (especially the Cantonese) eat anything that can moves, I'm not surprised at the appearance of our shelled friends at the temporary market in Chinatown. Things used to be much worse before the the government clamp down on the sale of exotic wildlife. As a frequent visitor to the Chinatown market in my pre-teen years, I witnessed bats and rabbits being cooped up in small cages, waiting for their turn to line the plates of the adventurous diners. My father who spent his formative years in Chinatown recollected the days when his house mates feasted on the flesh of dogs and cats, that were being openly peddled in the streets.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:26 PM
Pandas. Cubs. Cute. So China is starting a campaign to educate it citizens on the proper way of queuing. Being a nation that lists queuing as a national pastime, we should produce educational videos featuring orderly Singaporean queuing up for their HDB flats, bak kwa, donuts etc. Just remember to omit the queues for the Hello Kitties.
Which is more perplexing? Buying condoms that have holes on them, or procuring insurance that offers no coverage? The last person I would expect labeling me loose and promiscuous is a fruit juice vendor. I just happened to walk towards the fruit juice stall while the lady vendor was promoting the benefits of carrot juice to my colleagues when she suddenly blurted: "你看这位先生一脸风流, 不要把病传给你的女朋友!" ("Look at this guy, so loose and promiscuous. Don't pass any sexual diseases to your girlfriend!") Sigh, maybe I should really tone down my lecherous ways. Random Picture of the Day  Not the clearest of pictures, but it reads 99.42. Two digits, two digits! Ps: Remember to buy 9942 for the upcoming lottery draws.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:18 AM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Surreal, is stepping out of office at 4:30pm. Almost got blinded by the sunlight! (Had an induction programme today, close to 3 months after joining)
Surreal, is watching Gillian Anderson acting in a show without any references to anything extra terrestrial and that signature red mop of hair. Not so surreal is having to sit through a gruesome scene involving hooks and nipples in The Last King of Scotland, especially after having a heavy dinner at Subway.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:32 PM
Sunday, February 04, 2007
So a week after spending 40 minutes queuing for a plate of Cai Tao Kway (Carrot Cake), I decided to test my vitality and patience once again by joining another food queue. This time round, it's a long, slow moving queue for a table at the IT diner of the moment, Astons Specialties. After reading rave reviews, especially about the ieat Superburger, from the ieat blog, the usual crew of weekend makan kakis decided to find out what's all the hype is about.  Ashtons is a no frill eatery, with a capacity of 36 seats.  At 6:40pm, there were close to 20 prospective patrons ahead of us in the queue.  After slightly more than an hour of queuing, we finally got our table. While waiting for the star of the night to arrive, we helped ourselves to some delicious finger food.  *Drum rolls* The star of the show, ieat Super Burger! Look at the size of this baby, makes the Carls Junior burger looks like a er..... junior. The size of the burger got some us debating over how to consume the burger. Ooof and I were adamant on eating it as a whole while BM and Dog decided to slice it into half. Wuss!  Cutlery and burgers shouldn't go together! How to eat an ieat Superburger  1) Look  2) Bite  3) Pose
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:20 PM
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