sing when you're wanking
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Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Work Life balance in a financial institution is such a fallacy that HR should rename it the Work Lies Balance. We lie about the welfare, you work like a dog. Now, that's a balance.
The legacy of "Becos" has spread far and beyond the confines of my department. Just the other day, a manager from another department addressed me "Becos" before proceeding to discuss some work related issues. Thanks Mabel! It took only 2 months before my in-tray buckled under the weight of incoming work assignments. Surely an ominous sign, not only for me but also the office supplies manufacturer. (Not so) Random video of the Day
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:20 PM
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Remember my dilemma over the purchase of Cheer Chen's limited edition single? There's a youtube video (actually the single's MTV) teaching viewers on how to retrieve the content inside the elaborate packaging. Sweeeeet.
In what has to be biggest lie perpetuated since the story of "The Boy who cried Wolf", every football match held at the National Stadium is being billed as the "last match at the National Stadium", no doubt a marketing ploy by organizers trying to play the nostalgia card. This Asean Football Championship event (The event formerly known as Tiger Cup, or TEFKATC for short) is the fourth or fifth event to be held at the National Stadium since news of the "imminent demolishing of the National Stadium" first surfaced. Who knows, the National Stadium might still be around when Singapore host the 2100 edition of the World Cup. Funny that a day after I queued 40 minutes for a plate of Cai Tao Kuey at the Rochor Food Centre, Sunday Life decides to do a feature on food queues. I didn't waste my 40 minutes twitching my thumbs but rather I spent it constructively by pondering why people like myself would queue up to an hour just for a plate of food. Given that I decided to patronize the stall solely on the length on the queue, I figured that the food must be a) damn good, b) damn cheap or c) the cook is damn slow. Sadly, the plate of Cai Tao Kuey falls into category b) and c). Am I the only person who thinks that the weather is getting unbearably cold these days? And when I complained about the coldness, I get derided by my colleagues for a wuss. One colleague even commented in Chinese : "你那么大只还怕冷, 真没用!" (You're build like a log and yet you can't withstand the chill, useless!). Yeah, we fat people get blamed for everything ranging from occupying too much space on public transport, eating too much food. And now we can't even shiver without drawing flaks. Goodness. Crazy Horse has closed! No more bare titties! No!!!!!!! Porn and art should have never get together in the first place. Mr. Duck, never dies! (Not so) Random Video of the Day RIP, Xu Wei Lun.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:49 PM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Classic.
Someone ought to remake this serial to cash in on the whole Integrated Resort hype. If they need a script, I got a ready made one here.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:31 PM
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:34 AM
Monday, January 22, 2007
Remember the case of the slain Mongolian model, Altantuya_Shaaribuu, and the Korean singer Unee who got mistaken for her?
In a strange twist of fate, Unee was found dead in her apartment after hanging herself. Read the Chinese article here and her wiki entry here. (Not so) Random Youtube video of the day
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:38 PM
Saturday, January 20, 2007
 
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:06 PM
Monday, January 15, 2007
As tagged by Bing a Bling Bling
6 Weird Things About You THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 'six weird things about you' blog post. People who get tagged need to write their own six weird things post and state the rules clearly. At the end of the post tag six more people and don't forget to leave a comment on their blog to tell them they have been tagged and tell them to read your blog. 1. I can't keep still while brushing my teeth. Most of the time, I will venture to the living room to browse through the morning's papers or catch some banal morning TV programming while giving my molars a good scrub. Damn, I sure have a serious issue concentrating. 2.That probably also explains why I believe the TV remote is one of world's greatest innovation. I can't sit through a TV program without channel surfing. Passing me the TV remote at a mass screening of the World Cup final is a surefire way of creating pandemonium. 3. I stammer 80% of the time whenever I try to address my father as "Papa". 4. Mushrooms, with the exception of the button variety, and abalones are food that I absolutely detest. So if you want me succumb to a slow and torturous demise, force feed me with premium abalones and French truffles. 5. I grew up in the company of Star Wars toy figurines. Not just a few but loads of them ranging from your Darth Vaders and Skywalkers to even the obscure peons of Jabba the Hutt. Instead of recreating the epic battles between the Jedis and the Imperial forces, the toys were tools in my own little wrestling simulation game. 6. The next puppy that comes along will be known as Bobby, just like the previous one. As for the reason behind the fascination with the name Bobby, I'm clueless too. Weird eh? Here's the difficult part, I no longer know who reads my blog anymore so I'm just going to list down some names and hope they will respond to the meme. Of course it would help if I start some "you will see flowers growing out of your asshole if you don't do this meme" to boost the participation rate. lzw fmq and her pooch Mabel Donny Jingsi
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:55 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
OH MY GOD. Jacky Cheung World tour in Singapore, 13/14 of July at the Indoor Stadium. OH MY GOD. Who's game for the most expensive tickets?
After lamenting about the cons of being tall, I have finally found something good about it. While bantering with Birdman (yes, I have friends with weird names) at the gym, two katek ayams (short chickens) approached me to assist them to retrieve a MP3 player on top of the lockers. God knows why and how it ended up there, but being Mr. Nice Guy, I aided them without hesitation. After my kind deed Birdman actually mockingly quipped that my height is finally being put to good use for once, which drew chuckles from the onlookers. You know, a big part of being chivalrous is to accede to whatever requests that the fairer sex have. This got Ooof and me thinking, what should we do if we see a gal wearing a Tee with the words "Grab Me!" printed right across the chest area? Had a sudden craving for Kenny Rogers yesterday and the first thing I did was to punch in the words "Kenny Rogers" into my Firefox browser. Ah, look at what technology has done to our lives. Oh, instead of salivating over pictures of food when I visited Kennyrogers.com, I was serenaded by the voice of this old chap called Kenny Rogers. Oh oh, his songs were pretty nice though. Since I couldn't salivate at pictures of food served at Kenny Rogers, I did the next best thing I could which was to eat at Kenny Rogers. Potato salad, macaroni cheese and corn muffin. Brings back the fond memories of holing up at the Kenny Rogers' outlet at the quaint corner of Century Square. Ahh... Nowadays I have been watching more foreign language films. Indigènes (Days of Glory) in November and now Laberinto del Fauno, El (Pan's Labyrinth). It's not that I did not like films that are shoot in a foreign tongue, just that the genre of the foreign films I watched are mostly of a different genre that features chock full of action (of the physical nature) and very little dialogs. Time now, 2:34am. Sleep I'm going to get, 4 1/2 hours. Not exactly the best preparation for the new work week, but total enjoyment derived from the night is priceless. Reason? (Not so) Random Football Result of the Week. Tottenham 2 Newcastle United 3 The comeback kings are back!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:12 PM
Saturday, January 13, 2007
 Huge crowds at US porn convention The scale of the Adult Entertainment Expo reflects the huge growth in a business which is said to be bigger than Hollywood and worth $57bn (£29bn). Estimates of its annual contribution to the US economy range from $12bn-$20bn. One of the reasons for its recent success is the pioneering use of new technology - video on the internet and use of moving images on mobile phones. The BBC's Guto Harri in Las Vegas says it is easy to be embarrassed at such a show, with explicit films, intimidating toys and hundreds of half-naked actors on display.
But the scale and seriousness of the convention is not that different to a more mainstream gathering because pornography is big business, our correspondent says. Adult entertainment model Jasmine Mai told the BBC: "The adult industry is bigger than every professional sports combined. It's part of life - it's mainstream now." 'Innovations' Embracing new technology has been critical to the industry's development, and has allowed people to access it more easily and more discreetly, bringing in new customers. Adult entertainment helped determine the dominance of VHS over Beta, it was crucial in the development of video on the web, and is now pioneering moving images on mobile phones. There are an estimated 200 pornographic films shot in the United States every week. Improving production and distribution methods has helped to cut costs. Our correspondent says many people regard pornography with disgust, but mainstream entertainment has and will continue to benefit from the technical innovations of the shameless people who are in Nevada this weekend. http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/americas/6258291.stm Published: 2007/01/13 09:08:25 GMT © BBC MMVII
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:54 PM
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
 The bloody donut place that everyone is raving about. Seriously, can't they think of a cooler name like Hole-in-one, The Honey Coated Love hOle?  Look at that hair!  Hello Hazelnut Chocolate Coated Fella, you can run but you can't hide. Muahahaha! Did I mention that the queue was insane? I reached Raffles City basement at around 8pm and was only able to sink my teeth into the donuts more than half an hour later. Thank god I met two mates, whom I befriended during my recent army stint, who were also queuing up for the donuts. I was able to stealthy assimilate myself into the queue, thus shaving precious time off the otherwise insane wait. The two chaps actually started queuing at 7pm, that is a mindblowing 1.5 hours on their nights off just to buy donuts. Madness!
Two lessons learned from the whole donut queuing experience. 1) Whoever that brings in the Dunkin Donuts or Krispy Kreme franchises will strike it rich. 2) Never antagonize your fellow army friends, you never know when you might need them to buy donuts for you. Random "Oops I did it again" moment of the Day There I was, staring at the MRT gantry and wondering while it didn't open when I realized my staff card isn't an omnipotent card that I envisage it to be. At least I didn't fish out my keys like I did last time round.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:25 PM
Monday, January 08, 2007
Look what long working hours can do to the mental state of a person. I have to actually thumb through the dictionary to find the correct spelling of the word "Thirty" after another long day at the office.
Normally I wouldn't give a flying horse fuck about spelling, but since I'm writing my first ever cheque, and one that has a monumental consequences in my life, I don't want it to bounce back on me. The recipient of the cheque? Love Cupid Dating Agency. NOT!* *I'm trying my hand at the NOT! joke that was featured in Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Apparently, my attempt is very successful.................NOT!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:54 PM
Sunday, January 07, 2007
You know that the Lunar New Year is around the corner when the ubiquitous NTUC outlets start blasting Chinese festive ditties. "Eason Chan Live in Singapore", despite the initial lukewarm reactions, the concert ended with thousands surging to the front of the stage to party at the encore segment. This was all possible due to the effervescent Eason Chan. When I first saw the stage, I was amazed by the width of the whole structure. However by the end of the concert, the rationale behind the vast stage was clear. Throughout the concert, Eason was prancing, dancing, running and jumping around the stage. His level of energy last night can be compared with that of a Duracell Bunny, on drugs.
I previously made an entry about the disadvantages of being tall, now I can add another item to the list. It's a chore to be sited in front of vertically challenged concert patrons at a performance. You can't stand lest you get clubbed on the head for blocking their views. If you are unlucky enough, you even have to slouch on your seat so that the hobbits behind you can get a clear view at the stage. Poor back of mine, argh! A downside of slimming down, is that the clothes that once fit snuggly no longer do so anymore. So anyone interested in starting a "Buy tyw some new clothes" fund so I can have some nice fitting clothes for work? I can swallow some pig intestines for those sickos who are accustomed to the Mediac*ck's way of raising funds. Random Conversation of the Day X: The way to snap a good portrait of a female subject is to focus the camera on the eyes. The eyes, are the windows to her soul. Me: Geez really? I only focus my camera on the breasts.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:49 PM
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Can't wait. Woot! In another piece of news, I have finally breach the 100kg barrier. I shall take the pictures once my weight is low enough to accommodate a camera phone in my hand, without surpassing beyond the 100kg mark.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:28 AM
Friday, January 05, 2007
Colleague A: I think he looks like him leh. Colleague B: Yeah lor! Me: Eh... Colleague A: We think you look like Andy leh. Me: Wah, Andy Lau ah? Thanks leh. After a moment of unrestrained hysteria... Colleague A: The trader Andy lah. He was here a moment just now. You saw him right? Same size, fat fat one. Me: ...... Colleague A: What's your surname? Me: Tham lor, T-H-A-M. Colleague A: Good. From today, you shall be known as Andy Because Tham. Another one for the collection.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:35 PM
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Manchester United 2 Newcastle United 2. Woot! In a game which we are expected to get raped by the Mancurians best pals, Ronaldo and Rooney, we managed to exceed all expectations at battle valiantly for a well-deserved point. What a brilliant start to the New Year. Psst Chelsea, 2 points lost and causing Louis Saha to be injured, how about selling SWP to us on the cheap as a reward?
Anyway, a long long time ago I wrote this piece. Tickled by a question that my colleague posted to a food vendor recently, I've decided to write another piece on banal questions. The question that started it all, asking a food vendor to rate his own cooking, "Eh, this dish nice or not huh?" If I'm the food vendor, I would probably reply.. "This dish is known to cause cholera after consumption. I would recommend that you try this instead. It will just cause food poisoning." Facing incessant questions on the sighting of you and your new beau, "Wah bro, I saw you holding hands with a chio bu at Orchard Road last night leh. Your girlfriend ah?" If I'm the guy, I would probably reply... "Oh that one ah. I got her for $100 from Orchard Towers. Recommend you the pimp, can get good rates if you quote my name." Having customer walk in and enquire whether the shop is open despite the obvious "CLOSED" sign at the door, "You all still open or not ah?" If I'm the shop attendant, I would probably reply... "Yeah, we are open to handle enquiries from stupid customers." Despite the raindrops, your friend still insist on asking the obvious, "I feel something damp falling on me leh, is it raining ah?" If I'm the friend, I would probably reply... "Nah, it's probably some love juices overflowing from an aviary orgy." Your obviously thin looking female friend/girlfriend asking, "Do you think I'm fat?" If I'm the friend/boyfriend, I would probably reply... "Yes." Random Youtube Video of the Day Elva is H-O-T, but Jolin is still bigger. Erm..eh, bigger star in the Mandopop market.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:57 PM
Monday, January 01, 2007
NYE was spent watching the funny but short Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. As the movie ended, Ooof and I decided to have a feast to replenish the energy expended while laughing our heads off during the movie.
After much deliberation, Ooof decided that he wanted to feast on some Japanese fare and we ended up at "Bom bom bom, 1 2 3, we are Kunshibo..." and realize the restaurant like other So there we were, paying S$60 dollars for a Japanese buffet while our friends in At some point during our carnage at the restaurant, we realized that there was no way that we could stuff ourselves silly to make our 60 dollars worthwhile. We then decided to do the next best thing, take some pictures to make our 60 dollars worthwhile.  My paper steamboat, which the flame seems to go on forever despite my valiant attempt at blowing it out with my crab flavored breath.  Crabs crabs crabs which made Ooof wondered why eating crabs isn't as easy as it is portrayed in Anime series.  Ooof all set to dismember the lobsters. Kill! Kill! Kill! During the dinner, a lucky draw was held in which the winners walk away with a $30 dining voucher. In what seems to be a reflection of my luck in the year 2006, the guy sitting at the table next to ours was announced as one of the winner. So there it is, Mr. Nearly Man right till the last day of the year. Damn.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:08 PM
Movies that I enjoyed Crazy Stone V for Vendetta The Neh Neh Show The Constant Gardener Borat! The Departed The Prestige Brokeback Mountain Albums that I enjoyed 女爵 - 杨乃文 (Continuation by Faith Yang) 黑暗之光 - 雷光夏 (The Light of Darkness by Summer Lei) My life will... - 张悬 (My life will... by Zhang Xuan) 纯真年代 - 伍佰&China Blue (Age of Innocence by Wubai and China Blue) Get a Life - 陈亦讯 (Get a Life by Eason Chan) 9 - Damien Rice Things to look forward to The Simpsons Movie, in full 2-D glory. Woohoo! Spidey and the possible appearance of Venom!? Eason Chan, live in Singapore. A trip to Vietnam and Hong Kong. Resolutions for the Year Exercise more Lose more weight (90 in 365) Learn Driving Learn to cook (The four mainstays in my resolution list) Find the courage to shave my hair for Hair for Hope 2007 Be actively involve in community service again Be a regular blood donor and hopefully an apheresis donor Rekindle my interest in photography Reinvent myself Random Picture of the Day  (Picture from Channelnewsasia.com) Damn, my balls got wet.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 3:04 PM
Bye bye 06, Hello 07.
Looking back at the wishes and resolutions I made for the year, some of it materialize while others look set to remain on my resolution list for years to come. 06 is (and soon to be was) a mixed year. It marks the end of three enjoyable years of tertiary education and also signals greater responsibilities when I officially become a salaryman on the 27th of November. While I do enjoy the years spent at NTU, I am glad it ended as I lost the zest for studying in my final semester. Despite my usual reluctance to attend such events, I am pleased that I made the effort to attend the graduation ceremony and ball. Besides basking in joyous revelry, I needed a proper closure to the tertiary years, just like how collecting the pink IC marks the end of a young man's National Service term. 06 also saw me suffering from 2 health scares. A severe tension headache in February almost saw me snapped as I had my sleep interrupted by throbbing headaches and breaking out in cold sweat. I got it diagnosed pretty early and a prescription of painkillers managed to ward off further sufferings. A more severe scare came in the form of a chest X-ray done for my re-enlistment, where the X-ray report indicated that there may be fluids in my lungs. Although I don't know the implications of it, but it was serious enough for them to request me to go for further test to ascertain the results of the initial prognosis. As all these happened in the midst of my final examination, you can imagine the kind of struggles that were going in my mind as I try to concentrate for the exams. Ti Gong Bo Bi Gong Lang (Heaven watches over the dimwits), the prognosis turns out to be nothing but a scare. So cherish your health, and also the people around you. 06 was also special in the sense that I managed to chalk off two of the four items that are perennial guests on my resolution list. Mr. Exercise more and Mr. Lose more weight were finally given a wicked beating as I finally got my ass of the seat and gave my body a good workout. One of the reasons to slim down was due to the realization on how fragile life can be given the health scares I had and also the ailments that the people around me are suffering from. Another reason was that I was tired of the funk that I am in, the inability to accomplish anything. Since young, I have never done anything I can be truly proud of. From sports, music, photography to even my so called love life, I gave up without really giving in my best. Pertaining to my weight issues, although I know the peril of obesity and yet I still choose to persist in living a gluttonous lifestyle. At the age of 24, entering the prime of my life, I have to put a stop to being a liability to myself and the people around me. Many friends are also curious why I still single, I guess one of the reasons is that I have to prove to myself that I am capable of a level of commitment and perseverance before I can have another person entrust her happiness to me. Haha, I sound like Andy Lau in 瘦身男女. And lastly, thank you friends for making my life a wonderful one and thank you friends who encouraged and kept faith in me during the low point in life. Thank you. Random Youtube video of the Day 我的80年代 那天吹来的风 穿过我的手中 却又不肯停留 它就转身飘离 被握到你的手里 你也忘了 认真的对我说 究竟什么相同 属于我们的80年代 是你的笑容 或那首情歌 和走不完的钢琴前奏 鼓手们还在 昨天静静等候 一封未寄的信 春天绽放了花 清晨醒来时候 是否你偶尔想起 那首未完的歌 认真地对我说 究竟什么不同 哭泣的音符 已被紧紧拥抱 离开得越远越好 我那软弱的梦 谁也不在那里面 用我的美好思念 和你的过去相逢 在下一个时间 清晨醒来的时候 而你的笑容 已散失在风中
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:01 AM
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