sing when you're wanking

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Saturday, December 31, 2005

tyw 2005/06 (updated at 11:57pm 31/12/05)

Almost 4 more hours are left to welcoming 2006. Since 2005 is an extremely long year with the existence of a leap second, don't forget to countdown to 0 instead of 1 before pouring your beer onto the unfortunate chap besides you.

As i gets older( and the knees getting weaker) and my disdain for big crowds, the urge to go out and celebrate diminishes. Coupled with the fact that Newcastle United is playing Tottenham Hotspurs tonight, the likelihood of me stepping out of the house is a big fat zero. Instead i thought it would be a good time to reflect on what happened in 2005 and maybe draw up a resolution list for the year ahead.

Update: Michael Owen broke his foot in the Spurs match and will be out of five months. Shay Given broke his thumb in the same match. tyw turns suicidal. What a way to usher in 2006.

Recapping 2005

Top Movies Watched ( not in order of merit)

1. Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
2. King Kong
3. Millions
4. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
5. Sin City

Top Albums Owned

1. 华丽的冒险 by Cheer Chen
2. 熟男的情歌 by 林志炫

Top Sporting Moments (not in order of merit)

1. Roger Federrer blazing through the tennis circuit
2. Someone else other than Michael Schummi winning the F1 tourney
3. Wu Jiajing winning the World Pool Championship
4. Newcastle went on a good cup run in the FA and UEFA Cup
5. Witnessing Singapore lifting the Tiger Cup at National Stadium
6. Watching Henry and Pires botching up the penalty kick
7. Newcastle signing Micky Owen

Top disappointments

1. Watching Newcastle pressing the self-destruct button in the FA Cup semi final and UEFA Cup Quarter Final
2. Witnessing the disgracing punch up between Kieron Dyer and Lee Bowyer
3. Missing out on the farewell concert staged by Beyond and the reunion concert by Sam Hui.
4. Not exercising more ( this seems to appear perennially)
5. Not being more proactive and assume greater responsibility
6. Not seeing Graeme Souness getting the sack
7. Micky breaking his foot
Highlights of 2005

1. Watching Cheer Chen perform live in Singapore
2. Finally getting to watch Mayday perform live
3. Actually shedding 3-4 kgs! (hurhur)
4. Trip to Taiwan
5. Performing the 小三元 during a mahjong session

Looking forward to 2006

On a macro front

1. No more natural catastrophes and terrorist attacks
2. The avarian flu just goes away with a whimper
3. Singapore and East Asia continue to prosper

On a personal front

1. Family and friends enjoying a clean slate of health
2. Getting a job before the year end
3. Souness getting sack
4. Newcastle's fortune turns for the better
5. Getting to watch more concerts

New Year Resolutions

1. Exercise more
2. Lose more weight
3. Learn to drive
4. Learn to cook (the above four items have been on my resolution list every year)
5. Be an ero-sommelier
6. Ignore the above and continue to be a bum

Random Picture of the Day

tyw either a) angling for a teeth straightening endorsement or b) posing for a application photo for the fellatio club

PS: Flickr photoset on Taiwan snacks can be found here while Taiwan trip photos which are partially uploaded can be found here

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:26 PM

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Friday, December 30, 2005

Back to contribute to the CO2 emission

When you are away from Singapore, nothing beats the feeling of touching down at Changi Airport....until you starts sweating by the buckets once you step out of the airport. Yes, tyw has returned to Singapore, bringing back a few more kilograms along with him. Since i'm minutes away from a mahjong game, i shall keep this post short. To those who requested for Jay Chous, this was the closer i got to him....

Yes, that's Chicken parson or 七里香 as the taiwanese calls it.

Mahjong khakis are here, shall elaborate more on tw trip soon.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:28 PM

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Monday, December 26, 2005

Live SNG from Taiwan-Hualian

A belated Xmas greetings from tyw. Almost everything is good so far, except the fact that i may not get to watch Newcastle vs Liverpool later as Taiwanese aren't keen on football. Knn. If you all need anything from Taiwan, leave a message on my tagboard and i'll try to get it for you guys. And please, no Lin Chiling and Li Weilian.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:16 PM

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Friday, December 23, 2005

Jingle Bells

Boys and girls, tyw will be in the land of betel nuts during this festive season. Therefore i would like to wish all readers an enjoyable Yuletide season and a happy new year in advance.

And remember the real Santa Claus is fat, accept no skinny Santas.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:00 AM

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Monday, December 19, 2005

Random Ejaculations

"It's not that my breasts are big. It's just that my hands are small."

Actress Cecelia Cheung on a scene in The Promise where she appears buxomy.
(Source: Straits Time's Life edition on 17/12/05)

"Knn if you want to watch her neh nehs, might as well go watch porn. It's not big at all lor."

My friend Birdman, who agreed with Cecelia Cheung's honest appraisal.

"It's not that i'm fat. It's just that your eyes are small."

tyw, using the same school of arguement as Cecelia Cheung.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:18 PM

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Friday, December 16, 2005

tyw reporting from the Mango garden

For the sake of the few readers still frequenting this lousy blog of mine, tyw had decided to brave the the scorching heat and risk getting lynched by the mango-crazed female mob to bring you this exclusive report on the fruitiest event of the year, the Mango sales.

As this reporter inched closer to the entrance of Isetan Tampines Mall, he was astounded by the number of females, ranging from secondary school kids to the lao aunties, jostling with each other at this formerly orderly and quiet corner. As he got closer to Mango garden, he could see the looks of the mango mob. Their carnivorous expression, was something that one could only see on Discovery channel when a lion pounces on their unsuspecting preys.

A lioness guiding her young cub to her first ever hunting trip

Extra fitting rooms were also set up just for the special occassion. Apologies for the reporter's inability to snap a photo of the fitting rooms and the contents inside to illustrate his point. Also spotted were the few bored but act interested boyfriends. Till this point in time, much has been debated over their roles in such a setting. Are they suppossed to a) provide an objective view on their girlfriend's choice of clothings, b) be a Mr. Yes man and praises whatever the girlfriend chooses or c) simply provide the arm power to lug around the battle spoils of their companions?

Spotted the poor guy in the picture yet?

All in all, it was an eventful trip for this reporter as he got upclose on seeing the carnalinstincts of the female population exposed during a sales and of course spotting some beautiful belles jostling with the rest of the mango pickers. The only regret was that the reporter's handphone battery choose to fall flat when he wanted to snap more pictures of the above-mentioned beautiful shoppers.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 12:39 PM

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

Random Ejaculations

haha apologies if you are kinda shocked by my previous post, guess most of you aren't used to me getting introspective. anyway here's more irreverant stuffs for you all to ponder about.

Mango Sale

It's been half a year since the last mango sales and i still can't comprehend why local ladies are falling heads over heels for this line of clothing apparels. If everyone is buying mango stuffs, wouldnt that make it as common as your Giordanos and Bossinis? I'm still puzzled over the lustre of the Mango brand, since mango isn't the King nor Queen of fruits. So if i start a clothing line and names it Durian or Mangosteen, i'm sure that it will outsell that bloody Mango. And since Mango is so popular with the ladies, if i grow my own mango tree, wll the lassies swoon over me? Herm...

LiveStrong, Die Young

Is it yours truly possess the strength of an Ox or is the Livestrong band isn't durable enough? If i'm a cancer patient(God bless them), my hopes would be shattered with the snapping of the band.

SAW II

A combination of pratas,pop corns and SAW II isn't a good idea. Luckily merlion decided against joining in the fun.

Random Picture of the Day

Ho li si! Bang! Huh, Kan ni nah, ah bui si!? Bang,bang,bang,bang,bang!!

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:17 AM

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Wednesday, December 14, 2005

寂寞的男人

词：潘源良曲：彭海桐

寂寞的男人

繁忙的工作加一把劲来过渡
无聊的交际只管把笑容制造
回家打开一副电脑
模拟找到模拟倾诉模拟很好
从来不知道怎么竟各行各路
从前的一套今天仔细仍照做
夜深粉紫色这外套
模拟起舞模拟拥抱模拟得到

*仍然能拥有梦想跟前途
仍然能拥有自尊跟自豪
仍然明知许多女伴一转身会遇到
为何感到这不算最好
明明从不信天荒跟地老
明明从不会后悔得不到
明明从新掌握去做我总可以做到
为何今晚我不懂如何告别烦恼

浮华掌声里只想一个人赞慕
从难关出发心境可向谁透露
是否悲欢早有定数
何时得到何时失去谁能猜到

They say that imitation is the best form of flattery, so here i'm, imitating the blogging style of one midnightpoet. Alot of concerned friends (or kaypohs) have been asking me why i'm still without a girlfriend when the university is full beautiful SYTs(sweet young things). While none have overtly questioned my sexual tendency, i believe entertaining such queries will be inevitable when i graduate from university as a single bachelor.

I'm not homosexual so why am i without a girlfriend?

After much soul searching, i realize that i'm not ready for a relationship at the moment. I'm happy with my single carefree life which is free of emotional commitments. Of course, my unwillingness to ditch my fine collection of porn plays a big part too. Yes, there are times when i will feel the tinge of loneliness and yearn for the female companionship.

So why not get into short term relationships and move on when I get bored of it?

The female is not a piece of meat. It's a living organism capable of emotions and sufferings. To me, it smacks of irresponsibility to get into a relationship without a view of long term commitment. I abhor at my fellow male species who changes girlfriends like soiled underwears, and i will never stoop so low to do the same things as the very same people that i detest. Besides i abide strongly by a set of principles when it comes to relationships, which basically eliminates close to half of the world's female population.

So what's now big guy?

As the title of Jacky Cheung's song i had posted, i'll probably still succumb to the infrequent pangs of loneliness during the rainy nights. However before i can pysche myself to commit into a relationship and find the "special one", i shall remain the good old fat laid back yellow weasel/yodelling wanker that i'm currently am.

(Ps: Of course, if Miss. Lin Chiling or Cheer Chen happen to pop in front of me, i am willing to go back on my principles and ditch my single status)

Random Joke of the Day

如何让一只在“汪汪”叫的狗不要再吠？？

（Highlight below for answer)

你叫“twotwo" 就可以了。因为狗不会叫“threethree."

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:57 PM

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Sunday, December 11, 2005

knee jerk reactions

When you mention Arsenal Football Club, you would normally associate it with free flowing attacking football. However on last Sunday morning, Arsenal was only able to produce their champagne football for 45 minutes before being bullied into submission by Newcastle United. Not that Newcastle was extremely rough, it's just that it was too much for the pansies of the North London club. Perhaps the Arsenal fans were too accustomed to winning their games that they found the defeat hard to stomach. I understand that there will be doubters questioning the tactics and grit of the players, but to think that they actually thought of this....

"BTW, Ameobi was absolutely awesome today. He could be a ball winning midfielder for Arsenal and would be twice the player Gilberto is. He is more bigger, stronger, faster, more committed and even more skillful. The only disadvantage is that he is not experienced. But he is the type of physical presence we need and I truly believe that he could handle the position after seeing this performance."

A supporter posting on an Arsenal forum at the aftermath of the 1-0 reverse at St.James Park.

Once again, I should stress the importance of not drowning one's sorrow with alcohol after a poor performance by their team.

Random Joke of the Day

"If you swallow Viagra slowly, you might get a stiff neck"

Overheard by Bing at a dinner & dance function.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:56 PM

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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

This post is to affirm that i'm still alive.......

although i won't guarantee that eating the below mentioned food won't shorten my lifespan

Friday, 02/12/05

Claypot Rice, and the styrofoam plates that used to hold the char kway teos

Had dinner at Smith Street hawker centre on Friday with james, yousheng(who got ribbed throughout the meal over his impending reservist stint) and fyp mate II. Given my rotund frame and frequent visits to Chinatown area(for the food and not the masseuse), i was assigned the food connoisseur for the day.

Recommended the chaps to try the claypot rice, famed for its taste and chio bu stall owner, and notorious for its long waiting time. To fill our stomaches before the arrival of the claypot rice, we decided to order char kway teos from a seemingly famous stall, and with a short queue. My my, to our surprises, the char kway teos arrived later than the claypot rice, and we managed to tuck in after waiting 40 minutes. However the long wait was certainly worth it, as the claypot rice didn't disappoint, and the char kway teos had the freshest and tastiest hums(cockles) i ever tasted.

After the meal, we adjourned to this shop besides Lucky Chinatown for our desserts. They ordered peanut and seasame paste while I ordered 炖蛋 (double boiled milk as pointed out by fmq). While the chaps complained that their paste weren't gastronomically pleasing, the 炖蛋 i had was simply superb(apologies for inability to do the dessert justices due to my limited vocabulary), the best i had since i first tasted it in Macau.

Saturday, 03/12/05

Met up at Blk 85 Fengshan market for dinner with Ji, Ooof, James, X and Melvin. The occasion? A farewell of sorts for Ji who's going to Georgia Tech to research on Avarian Flu. James, Ooof and I hatched a devious plot to intoxicate Ji with Tiger Beers, strip him naked and call the New Paper and Shin Min to report on the naked drunkard. Alas, the plan failed but we had great fun and food(Bak Chor Mee, Nogr Hiang, Western Food, Satay, Tan Yuans and Beer). Ooof, James and X yakked non-stop about China's history while the uncouth brute aka tyw started ranting to Melvin and Ji about how USA porn industry got kickstarted with the screening of Deep Throat back in the 1970s. The company was great but it's a shame that we have to settle for an auntie instead of Jessica Alba to serve us Tigers.

Where's Jessica Alba?!?!

臭鸡排， i merlion on the phone then you know!

Monday, 05/12/05

Sunday was spent butchering songs at the KTV, so i won't antagonize you with the details. Went to Changi Airport to send Ji off. For the record, no tears were shed and no chio air stewardess spotted. Instead saw this innovative way of watering the trees at T2.

Woah,these nifty gadgets spray mist at stipulated hours

Headed to Sunshine Plaza for FYP (or fuckingyourpussy if it makes it more palatable for you) with FYP Mate 1 and 2. Once again, i recommended them to lunch at this wanton noodle stall there. Wasn't too bad but the helping could had been bigger to satisfy the hunger of the three growing angry men. Adjourned to this nice cosy cafe, Koco Cafe, in the same building to proceed with our discussions. The brownie was nice, owner was friendly and heard from X that they are organizing a wine appreciation course soon. Shall try the signature tarts when i head there next time.

Ah yes, i chanced upon these goodies at a toy shop in Sunshine plaza as we were leaving the building. Meet Darth Maul, Darth Vader, Chewy, Boba Fett and the Storm Troopers. Each cost over a hundred bucks and they will no doubt end up in my room when i strike Toto.

Random Quote of the Day

"If the person grasps you lightly, penetrate deeper!"

A professional image consultant exalting the importance of a firm and deep handshake.

posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:45 PM

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