|
Thursday, September 28, 2006
In about 30 hours time, I will be on a plane to Shanghai. So don't be alarm and start speculating that I'm dead from flu when you don't see any updates for the next week.Which brings me to..
If anyone needs me to get anything from Shanghai, please drop me a sms or leave a message here and I'll try my best to get it for you. As for the issue of remuneration, we shall discuss it when I return. Tsk Tsk. So this is it. Wish me luck that the trip will be a smooth sailing one and that I'll recover from my bout of flu in time to savour the oh-so-delicious-and-fattening "Dong Bo Rou". Direct your blessings to my gung-ho friend too, who is heading to Bangkok for a short shopping trip. (Not so) Random Song of the Day 旅行的意义 (click here for the song) 你看过了许多美景 你看过了许多美女 你迷失在地图上 每一道短暂的光阴 你品尝了夜的巴黎 你踏过下雪的北京 你熟记书本里 每一句你最爱的真理 却说不出你爱我的原因 却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情 却说不出在什么场合我曾让你动心 说不出离开的原因 你累计了许多飞行 你用心挑选纪念品 你收集了地图上 每一次的风和日丽 你拥抱热情的岛屿 你埋葬记忆的土耳其 你流连电影里美丽的不真实的场景 却说不出什么在场合 我曾让你分心 说不出 旅行的意义 你勉强说出你爱我的原因 却说不出你欣赏我哪一种表情 却说不出在什么场合我曾让你分心 说不出离开的原因 勉强说出你为我寄出的每一封信 都是你离开的原因 你离开我 就是旅行的意义
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 6:35 PM
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
A: 帮我付cab fare leh. B: 为怎么? A: 我刚才帮你吃东西leh. B: 么歪道理ah? 就像你干我老婆,说帮我生儿子一样. Random Singlish Term of the Day KAN (kahn) Hokkien term meaning "fuck" or "screw". (Source: Talkingcock's The Coxford Singlish Dictionary)
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:20 PM
When the first thing I did this morning was to spit out a blood tinged piece of solidified phlegm, I knew the trip to the doctor was inevitable. To recap, the conversation that transpired at the consultation I had last year was:
In which the MS Word’s word count function tabulated it to contain 33 words in total.
Contained 46 words. The conversation that took place this time round:
28 words. He even managed to throw in a Bye at the end. How amazing!! But Where's the Love? Where's the Love, Doctor? Even the MOs in SAF are less curt and have shown more care and concern. Oh well, at least I get a more colorful antibiotics tablets this time round.Random Pictures of the Day Trust the Japanese to come up with quirky products.    Look Mum, C Cups!  A product for those who have forgotten how to ahem stand up.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 3:22 PM
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
It has been barely a week after I recovered from the bout of flu, and the virus decides to visit me again for old time sake. So nice of it.
Anyway, there have been a rise in incidences of friends trying to recommend their female friends to me. The way I see it, it's either I'm a) I'm a good catch, right up there with the Cleo's 50 most eligible bachelors or b) The eligible bachelors are all taken up, hence they are practising the "Bo He, Hei Ma Si Ho" theory. (No fishes, prawns would also suffice) or c) They must really hate the female friend vehemently to recommend me to her. Random Picture of the Day  Knn, stop skiving and get down to work!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 11:21 PM
Monday, September 25, 2006
After Five and a half years, countless of weekends burnt doing standbys, drenched from top to toe with the undies not spared either, I've finally finished my National Service liability and reclaim my Pink IC for good. Not particularly estatic, as the elation pales in comparison to the time I disrupted for university. Whatever iota of joy probably evaporated as I trekked for 20 minutes to my bloody camp under an overcast sky while nursing yet another bout of flu.
It was a blessing that the entire battalion wasn't around, with the bulk of them at the range gunning for the marksmen award. I'm not good with saying goodbyes so their absence really saved me from some awkward moments. Thank god that I got a lift out from camp when I bumped into one of my friend who came back to run some errands. Armed with my Pink IC, I headed down to the place formerly known as "Fortress IMF" for lunch and watch in disbelief as my petite lunch companion wolfed down two big bowls of Sliced Fish soup. (O o) To cap off the memorable day, I decided to reward myself by purchasing two rare Cheer Chen's demo CDs. While I'm finally freed from the shackles of National Service, I have also officially become an unemployed personnel. With majority of my friends already working, the pressure to land a job is starting to build up. Besides that, there is also the issue of handphone. Over the past four months, I have grown to love the low frills obiang Nokia phone that I used in camp. With the completion of NS, I have to return the phone back to my Dad and accustom myself to using the bulky gadget phone of which 90% of the functions I have yet to figure. Well, at least there will probably be more Random Pictures of the Day when I finally come to terms with that phone. Random Picture of the Day  The people whom I spent the past 3 months with.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:20 PM
The penis gobbling Chinese PRCs makes this tripe lover looks like a little league player. Respect. __________________________________________ Beijing's penis emporium
 There are many thousands of Chinese restaurants around in the UK and everyone has their favourite dish, but only in China itself do chefs specialise in a range of slightly more unusual delicacies. The dish in front of me is grey and shiny. "Russian dog," says my waitress Nancy. "Big dog," I reply. "Yes," she says. "Big dog's penis..." We are in a cosy restaurant in a dark street in Beijing but my appetite seems to have gone for a stroll outside. Nancy has brought out a whole selection of delicacies. They are draped awkwardly across a huge platter, with a crocodile carved out of a carrot as the centrepiece. Nestling beside the dog's penis are its clammy testicles, and beside that a giant salami-shaped object. "Donkey," says Nancy. "Good for the skin..." She guides me round the penis platter. "Snake. Very potent. They have two penises each." I did not know that. Deer-blood cocktail "Sheep... horse... ox... seal - excellent for the circulation." She points to three dark, shrivelled lumps which look like liquorice allsorts - a special treat apparently - reindeer, from Manchuria. The Guolizhuang restaurant claims to be China's only speciality penis emporium, and no, it is not a joke. The atmosphere is more exotic spa than boozy night-out. Nancy describes herself as a nutritionist. "We don't call them waiters here. And we don't serve much alcohol," she says. "Only common people come here to get drunk and laugh." But she does offer me a deer-blood and vodka cocktail, which I decide to skip. Medicinal purposes The restaurant's gristly menu was dreamt up by a man called Mr Guo. He is 81 now and retired. After fleeing China's civil war back in 1949, he moved to Taiwan, and then to Atlanta, Georgia, where he began to look deeper into traditional Chinese medicine, and experiment on the appendages of man's best friend. Apparently, they are low in cholesterol and good, not just for boosting the male sex drive, but for treating all sorts of ailments. Laughter trickles through the walls of our dining room. "Government officials," says Nancy. "Two of them upstairs. They're having the penis hotpot." Most of the restaurant's guests are either wealthy businessmen or government bureaucrats who, as Nancy puts it, have been brought here by people who want their help. What better way to secure a contract than over a steaming penis fondue. Discretion is assured as all the tables are in private rooms. The glitziest one has gold dishes. "Some like their food served raw," says Nancy, "like sushi. But we can cook it anyway you like." Rare order "Not long ago, a particularly rich real estate mogul came in with four friends. All men. Women don't come here so often, and they shouldn't eat testicles," says Nancy solemnly. The men spent $5,700 (£3,000) on a particularly rare dish, something that needed to be ordered months in advance. "Tiger penis," says Nancy. The illegal trade in tiger parts is a big problem in China. Campaigners say the species is being driven towards extinction because of its popularity as a source of traditional medicine. I mention this, delicately, to Nancy, but she insists that all her tiger supplies come from animals that have died of old age. "Anyway, we only have one or two orders a year," she says. "So what does it taste like?" I ask. "Oh, the same as all the others," she says blithely. And does it have any particular potency? "No. People just like to order tiger to show off how much money they have." Welcome to the People's Republic of China - tigers beware. Sliced and pickled "Oh yes," she adds, "the same group also ate an aborted reindeer foetus. "That is very good for your skin. And here it is..." Another "nutritionist" walks in bearing something small and red wrapped in cling film. My appetite is heading for the airport. Still, I think, it would be rude not to try something. I am normally OK about this sort of thing. I have had fried cockroaches and sheep's eyes, so... There is a small bowl of sliced and pickled ox penis on the table. I pick up a piece with my chopsticks and start to chew. It is cold and bland and rubbery. Nancy gives me a matronly smile. "This one," she says, "should be eaten every day." (Source: BBC website) Random Soccer Banter of the Day "Are you Akinbiyi in disguise!?" tyw, after seeing Newcastle's new striker Obafami Martins missing another scoring opportunity. Akinbiyi is widely held as one of the worst striker to ever grace the English Premier League. "Hope he gets banned for life." tyw, in response to his brother's question on the duration of the inept Titus Bramble's suspension after he got sent off for collecting his 2nd yellow card.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:06 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
My birth date (which shall remain a secret) came out as the consolation prize in yesterday's 4D.
Instead of 6682 (the carplate of the cab i took on Friday), 0682 came out as the starter prize today. 7851, the First Prize's number for today's edition of 4D, happened to be the first 4 digits of my home number. 15, the approximate number of cuss words that were uttered in the aftermath. Random Countdown of the Day 1 more day till I fall in love with Pink. Not the singer. Not the shade of
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:20 PM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
The Devil wears Prada has been showing (is it still in theatres?) for a month now. It's high time to compile a list of jokes cracked at the liberty of the movie's title. Feel free to provide your own version of The Devil wears Prada joke through the comments section or the tagboard. Devil wears Prada, Angel wears Mango. By who else but the no.1 Mango fan, fmq. Devil wears Prada, Mabel eats Prata. Yeah, Mabel is such a huge fan of prata. Devil wears Prada, (insert name) wears Bata. By far the most common Devil wears Prada joke found on MSN nicks. Devil wears Prada, China rear Pandas. Zhong Guo Yi Ding Qiang! A tyw's original. Devil wears Prada, I hope she forgo the Bra. Another tasteless lewd joke by tyw. Random Trivia of the Day Sandy Lam's 情人的眼泪 is probably the only Chinese song being played on Class 95. Labels: Humour
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:59 PM
It's 1:48am as I typed this, ie. WAY past my bedtime. However I feel that I will let down my ancestors if I do not blog about this, as it is ridiculously absurd in a hilarious way. The tracker to this blog actually showed that someone got linked here as he searched for "Do anime females ejaculate" via this url http://www.black-light-site.info/ejaculate/do_anime_females_ejaculate.htm. The website provided a short narration for my site which reads: "... toys shops, 1 HK Manga shop, 1 anime/manga/collectible shop ... you know that a pig can ejaculate up to 200 to 500ml ... (ps. only females need to apply ..." Being ever helpful, I actually did some research by digging up some *ahem* archive material and YES, ANIME FEMALES DO EJACULATE. Random Hokkien Song of the Day 舞女 (click here for the mp3) 多少人为了生活历尽了悲欢离合 多少人为了生活流尽血泪 心酸像谁诉 啊~~~有谁能够了解作舞女的悲哀还能流着眼泪也要对人笑嘻嘻 啊~~~来来来来跳舞脚步开始爷就不管他人是谁,人生是一场梦 多少人为了生活历尽了悲欢离合 多少人为了生活历尽沧桑 心事像谁诉 啊~~~有谁能够了解作舞女的悲哀只有流着眼泪也要对人笑嘻嘻 啊~~~来来来来跳舞脚步开始爷就不管他人是谁,人生是一场梦 啊~~~有谁能够了解作舞女的悲哀只有流着眼泪也要对人笑嘻嘻 啊~~~来来来来跳舞脚步开始爷就不管他人是谁,人生是一场梦 Labels: Oddity
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 1:46 AM
Thursday, September 21, 2006
 Retirement planning, it's always good to start early. Yeah, and I will start mine by finding some alternative sources of entertainment with the impending reorganization of Yangtze Cinema. Gone is the old adage of sex sells. The management of yesteryear thought that by being an exclusively R (A) cinema, people of all ages will flock to it for a taste of the forbidden fruit and money will pour in like gushing water. That was until the Internet showed up as the party pooper and the cinema relegated to become the favourite haunt of the Tiko Peks. So what will happen to the sexually charged Ah Peks? Surely we can’t expect them to turn IT savvy overnight and start downloading porn from the internet, can we? Or ask them to fork out a minimum of $30 for the few short lived minutes with the back alley hookers? If the government wishes to back up their claims of being an elderly friendly country, surely they should step in and get the management to change their mind. Make it a national heritage site if they must, for the legion of Ah Peks (and me in 40 years time) can’t live without Yangtze Cinema. (Ps: Contrary to misguided beliefs, I have never visit the Yangtze Cinema before. Not at least till I'm 60.)Random Plug of the Day The friendly hairstylist Jenny, who attended to me spoke of an ongoing promotion at the Changi Airport Terminal 2's outlet of EC house. Simply present your NTUC Link Card at the outlet and your companion can get a haircut for free. This means that your haircut will only cost $5. (that is assuming your companion isn't a miser) She also informed me that a new EC house saloon will be opening at the existing Terminal 2 site, which will provide extra services like shampoo and massage for those who do not want to board a flight with their freshly snipped hair landing on your inflight meal.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:38 PM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
My fyp mate phuan, not wanting to leave any traces on his work terminal, googled this url address whenever he wants to read this blog during office hours. Curious, I went to google the url and even my own name. The first url that popped up after keying my name, is the following article from singaporeangle: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Straits Times (Jan 9, 2005): Studies for master's degree delayed so he can help others  HE IS supposed to be in Melbourne to start his master's programme on Jan 20. But Mr Tham Ying Wai is delaying his studies so that he can help with Touch Community Services (TCS) International's tsunami relief efforts. The 29-year-old hopes to defer starting the Masters in Education programme at Victoria University by three weeks so that he can join the second medical and humanitarian relief team that TCS International is sending to Ampara, Sri Lanka. He will be helping with the logistics--from cleaning up to crowd control and distributing supplies. The first 11-member team of doctors, nurses and logistics personnel left on Friday and the second team is expected to leave 10 days after. Meanwhile, Mr Tham has been making calls, packing supplies and food rations. The sudden deaths of his friends, John Lim, 31, and Ho Poh Yoke, 27, who were killed in a New Zealand road accident last December, have spurred him to contribute more to society. The avid rockclimber and former primary school teacher said: 'It firmed up my decision to go for the trip, even though it was going to clash with school. Sometimes we don't understand why things happen. But I believe all of us have a purpose in life and there is purpose in what I have to do right now.' For more information, call 6377-0122 or visit www.tcs.org.sg ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's rare to know a Tham (there were only two in the 2003 Business Cohort), let alone one with exactly the same name. When I indicated the existence of this article to phuan, he remarked over msn: "all yingwai are nice people.. next time i gonna call my son yingwai" When I saw what he typed, the first thing that came to my mind was "Jialat, how much must I transfer into his bank account?". However on hindsight, ying wai might really be a good name. I had a female classmate in secondary school that is named ying wai too, though her surname is Chan. The last time I heard from her she wasn't doing any vices, so she shouldn't be doing too shabbily either. So why hesitate, go name your future child Ying Wai! Random youtube video of the Day Watch this shaggy haired chap play the Mario tune with two guitars! Such dexterity, makes one wonder why he doesn't invest in a piano?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:09 PM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Last Tuesday, I made a trip to the not so friendly general practitioner (GP) to remedy my flu and cough. I'm proud to say that after a year since my last visit there, my GP has improved on his communication skills. To recap what transpired during the last visit, he asked the following questions during his short 3 minutes consultation:
That compared to what transpired last week:
By asking 2 more questions, my GP had lengthened my consultation time from 3 to 3.5 minutes!! He should apply for ISO certification with that sort of job efficiency. Oh did I mention, he likes giving antibiotics for all kind of illness? Anyway this got me thinking, what will transpire if he is a gynaecologist. Doctor: What's wrong? Patient: Hi Doctor, I have been missing my periods for the past two months. Is there something wrong with it? Doctor: When did it happen? Patient: As I mentioned, I miss my periods for the past two months. So I supposed it started two months ago. Doctor: Lie down. Patient: Eh, is there a need for an inspection? Alright.... Doctor: Open Wide. Patient: Hey, can't you be less terse? (Grumbles) Doctor: Say ahhhhhh... (As he probes into the problem area) Patient: *Wtf!?* ah.. Doctor: Breath in, breath out. Patient: Hey Doc, I'm not going into labour here! Doctor: You don't have any gastric pains right? Patient: What do you mean? I missing my periods due to gastric?! But I don't have any gastric leh! Doctor: I give you some antibiotics. Antibiotics are the cure for all evils. Patient: *Damn, I would be better off visiting a plumber instead* Oh....kay. Doctor: You need a MC right? Patient: (Shakes head in disbelief) Doctor: Do you need a MC? Patient: YEAH. I guess I need some rest after this conversation. Random Song Recommendation of the Day 上帝的帮助 (click here for mp3 version) 词曲:小安 爱你好辛苦 你总是忽冷忽热的态度 跟著你走路 我的前方总是看不清楚 你对我不在乎 让我的心情又一遢糊涂 你飞快的脚步 还是继续践踏著我的幸福 我全心全意的奉献给你 得到的却只是孤独 被你彻底伤害掏空的心 还可以拿什么来弥补 我需要上帝的帮助 This song first appeared on Jiang Meiqi's album <<悄悄话>>, and received heavy airplay as one of the singles. The version here is features a male vocal which is provided by the original composer, Xiao An. Maybe as a male, I can better relate to the emotion forlorness conveyed in the lyrics when it is sung by someone of the same gender. It always easier to relate someone better when the other party is in the same boat. However I do not agree with seeking divine intervention to solve one's relationship woes. Leave the big fella upstairs to deal with meatier stuffs like resolving global crisies, or issues like this. I always believe that if things are destined to be your, it eventually will. No point bothering the celestial figures to force the issue. Aye, enough babbling. Enjoy the song. PS: The album in which the song is featured in, has one of the most titilating album cover ever seen for a Chinese album. Not suitable for office viewing!  Labels: Humour
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:50 PM
Monday, September 18, 2006
I was pretty amazed when I read that a typhoon is wreaking havoc in However I got to admit, having something named after oneself is really cool. Imagine I have a natural phenomenon named after myself, and I can get the cheap thrills of reading headlines like “Typhoon Yingwai wreaks havoc in the Artic” or “ I would however give all that up to have a disease named after myself. To date, most diseases are either coded named (HN51) or named after the scientist who discovered it (Parkison’s disease). So it’s going to be a tall order unless I succumb to some new form of virus and the kind folks in the medical world decide to name the new strain of virus after yours truly. If it happens as planned, I can visualize such grandiose headlines like “National Serviceman died of a bout of Yingwaicitis after living a promiscuous lifestyle”. Random Statistic of the DayA new week, a new weigh in. After some vigorous workout at the gym, the weighing scale indicated 106.38kg when I was trampling over it. Slightly lesser than the 107kg recorded in the aftermath of The Battle of Dim Sum Follies, but still .38kg heavier than what I would like. Labels: Humour
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:55 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Ooof has brought the following site to my attention, http://www.lightamillioncandles.com/. Read about how rampant paedophilia has become, and on your way out, light a candle to support the cause of eradicating paedophilia. PS: Somehow, I think a website with the url, http://burnapaedophilecock.com will pack a better oomph of bringing the message across. Random Speech Bubble of the Day Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot. Morpheus, in the award winning The Sandman issue #19 "A Midsummer's Night Dream". Labels: Links
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:37 PM
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Friday's dinner was spent at Victor's Kitchen with James, Yc and Ooof. Despite wolfing down the wanton mee at Parklane Wanton Mee, which by the way was disappointing, we were raring to help ourselves to some delicious dim sums. Random: without definite aim, direction, rule, or method
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:23 PM
Friday, September 15, 2006
Disenchanted. That's how i felt after reading about the whole IMF/WB protest hullabaloo. In case you aren't following the whole fiasco, do read the following articles by BBC: Singapore welcome raises doubts Singapore 'breaks protest deal' Singapore branded 'authoritarian' I love Singapore, I really do. However I am disenchanted with the draconian measures taken to restrict media and political freedom. On one hand, I value freedom but yet I fear that too much of it will trascend into the farce that we are witnessing in Taiwan today. Unlike some of my friends, who have the opportunities to venture beyond our shores for extended periods, I am hoping to take the first step out to experience the sights and sounds offered by the foreign lands. This entry by ci'en really struck a chord in my heart. I want to be away and tough it out in another country, but the bind of family ties is reining me back. Idealogy versus filial peity, never an easy choice to make. Perhaps it is only after being away from your homeland for a prolong period, then you will start to appreciate the way things are back home. Perhaps it is only then, I might appreciate what is going on right now. Labels: Thoughts
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 10:14 PM
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Another reason why females should stick to watching football. RIO DE JANEIRO (Reuters) - A Brazilian referee faced suspension on Tuesday after she awarded a goal that television pictures showed was scored by a ball boy. The 89th minute goal allowed Santacruzense to snatch a 1-1 draw at home to Atletico Sorocaba in the Paulista Football Federation (FPF) Cup on Sunday, a regional tournament played in the state of Sao Paulo. Pictures showed that after a Santacruzense player shot narrowly wide, the boy collected the ball with his feet and took it back on to the pitch. However, instead of returning it to the goalkeeper, he subtly tapped it across the line into the net. Although there was nearly 10 seconds between the shot going out and the boy placing the ball over the line, referee Silvia Regina de Oliveira awarded a goal amid furious Sorocaba protests. Random Picture of the Day  I'm proud to announce that despite of 4 days inactivity due to flu, I am still 106kg! Labels: Football
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:59 PM
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Cough syrup makes me drowsy. Goats make me happy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'Goat-free roads made me speed' A Swiss man caught speeding on a Canadian highway has blamed his actions on the absence of goats on the roads. The man was caught driving at 161 km/h (100mph) in a 100 km/h (60mph) zone. A traffic officer's notes said the Swiss driver had said he was taking advantage "of the ability to go faster without risking hitting a goat". Canadian police spokesman Joel Doiron said he had never found a goat on the highways of eastern Ontario in his 20 years of service. "Nobody's ever used the lack of goats here as an excuse for speeding," Mr Doiron told the AFP news agency. "I've never been to Switzerland, but I guess there must be a lot of goats there," he said. The driver was ordered to pay a fine of C$360 ($330; £175) for speeding.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/americas/5322302.stm Published: 2006/09/07 00:25:52 GMT © BBC MMVI ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal. The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders. They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi. "We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.
Mr Alifi, Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat. Story from BBC NEWS:"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up". Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case. "They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper. http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm Published: 2006/02/24 16:40:00 GMT © BBC MMVI ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Random Picture of the Day  Meh? Meh? Meh?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:03 PM
Monday, September 11, 2006
Its funny how I managed to come away from the Wubai's concert with my voice intact, and yet succumbed to a bout of flu which robs me off my voice exactly a week after. Guess my retardation is not only confined to the mental state, it also applies to my biological state.
Since the partial loss of voice should not has much of an obstacle to my job search, given that i have zero interviews lined up in the forseeable future, I actually grown to love the husky quality of my voice. It makes me want to sing Rod Stewart's "Have i told you lately". For those handful of readers who are interested in my quest to reach a 2 digits figure for my weight, I have realized how bloody difficult it is to reduce my Body Mass Index (BMI) to the healthy range as recommended by the Revised BMI published by the Health Promotion Board. Using some spreadsheet calculation shown below, my current BMI stands at 31.3 which puts me in the High Risk category.  To reach the healthy range, I would need a BMI of 23 and below. To achieve that I would either have to cut my weight by close to 30kg, which would instantly reduce my sale value at the abatoir, or increase my height by close to 30cm to 2.13m! Although it is impossibe, the prospect of the latter option succeeding somehow seems more probable. (Not so) Random Thoughts of the Day Five years have since passed, and yet i still can't erase the horrific images that occured on 11/09/01. I hope the world will never have to witness such scenes again.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:30 PM
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Had been putting this on the back burner for quite some time, but I finally found the time to compile the list of names i go by for the past 24 years. Feel free to point out any missing names as I'm sure there are still many monikers that I have left out. 死肥猪 (Si Fei Zhu/Bloody Fat Pig) : A name that most rolly polly kids get called, and I’m not an exception either. 阿伟 (Ah Wai) : A pet name of mine. Everyone in my family with the exception of my brother calls me that. Having the character 伟 in my name, it is also the only similarity between me and Tony Leung Chiu Wai. Fatty: As to the reason why my brother seldom addresses me as 阿伟 is because he prefers to associate me with my body shape. It was a nickname given to me when I was in primary 4 and it stuck on to me ever since. I was fat, so I became Fatty. He was tall, so he became Tally. Till today, majority of his friends still know me as Fatty. I still recalled how my brother’s friend got ticked off by my father when he asked to speak to Fatty over the phone. Despite the somewhat negative connotation associated with the nickname Fatty, I actually grown fond of it and even thought of adopting it as a part of my name. Berak Boy (Shitting Boy): A rather unfortunate incident back in primary school, which involved shit and the inability to reach the loo in time, got me this nickname. BFG (Big Friendly Giant): Yeah, but they never saw me eating babies and farting balls of fire back then. Teddy Bear: But I don’t have fur on me. It was probably given to me by some cheapskates who don’t want to spend on their own teddy bears. Mr. Bear: Given to me by these two lovely classmates, Cindy and Serene, when they saw me sticking my grubby hands into the beehive for honey. WHY DO I GET DUMB NICKNAMES LIKE BEAR?! 蒙古狗 (Mongol Dog) : Ooof will probably remember this better than me. It all happened during an overnight game of RISK™ at the Pasir Ris chalet. Down to my last country Bodyguard: Once again due to my imposing figure, I was “appointed” by Weiqi (HI! If you are reading this in syxx: IRC was the rage back then and I wanted a real cool nick to hit on the chicks. I got the IRC nickname syxx (pronounced as six) from this wrestler who was the sixth member to join the faction nWo. The wrestler syxx wasn’t really a top notch wrestler, which sadly mirrors my performances in IRC. pikapig: After the debacle of syxx, I decided to change my irc nick to something more cutesy, something that the gals can giggle at. The nick was a pun on Pokemon™ ‘s lead character Pikachu. Pika-chu, chu sounds like zhu, the Chinese character for pig. Hence the nick, pikapig. Sadly, the change in nick did little my fortunes in IRC. THAM: The advent of national service, and it was decision time. You either choose to be known by your surname or something else. I choose the former as how difficult could it get for people to look my nametag as mouth the magical T-H-A-M. I was W-R-O-N-G, as I underestimated the intelligent stripping effect of national service. THIAM: Despite the letters T-H-A-M printed on my nametag, it is baffling how some people can still call me THIAM. THUM PWEE: (Hokkien for spittoon): It sounds infantile but given how bored army personnel are, some decided to label me a THUM PWEE. DUM (Hokkien for moist): THAM sounds like DUM and some fellas decided to call me that. CHEEBYE DUM (Hokkien for Moist Vagina): Given the fact that National Service is also known as the Singapore Institute of Profanities, it didn’t take too long for someone to address me as CHEEBYE DUM. DUM DUM: Adding another DUM behind supposedly made it more endearing…. WET WET: Which lasted till some idiots decided to translate it to English and call me WET WET. MR. THUMB / 拇指先生: Gary, this young drink stall assistant in my camp, stretches out his thumb and let out an audible 拇指先生 whenever he sees me. Makes me want to order a glass of Bloody Gary whenever he does that. THAMBI: THAMBI is the term for “little brother” in the Tamil tongue. After it caught on after some Indian friends called me that, I basically became the little brother of every Tom Dick and Harry around. 大笨熊 (Big Dumb Bear): As I mentioned earlier, never underestimate the intelligent stripping effect of national service. Guess I was behaving like a dimwit buffoon back then, but what’s up with another bear nick?! BIG SHOW: Finally a nickname that was bestowed to me that wasn’t due to someone taking liberty with my surname. I shall let this Friendster testimonial from Chee Siong, my OETI buddy, explain how I got this nick. “Thambi !! another of my oeti friend.. and a very interesting one indeed,, haha.. he never failed to make us laugh with his stupid look and laughter.. haha.. still rem u imitating big show when we change to pt attire for running.” Here’s a picture of Big Show, if you don’t know how he looks like. Sunshine Bear: Yeah, bye bye army and hello NTU. Guess what was the first nickname that was given to me? It was Sunshine Bear, which is only made known to me recently. Maybe I really look bear-like and the sun was shining on me…but CHEEBYE, ANOTHER BEAR NICK!!!!?? Becos: Ah, the nick given by Mabel. It was during a lecture session in year 1 when Ruishan introduced me to her. After telling her my Chinese name is 颖伟 (Ying Wei), she broke out into a rendition of Nicholas Tse’s “因为爱，所以爱” after which she told me: “I call you Becos from now on, ok?” And hence I was known as Becos. theyodellingwanker: When I started this blog back in 2004, I wanted a name that people could associate with the kind of crap that I’m going to flood this space with. I didn’t want some regular or cutesy sounding name that many others were using. Using a name that plays around with the initials of my name, Tham Ying Wai, I felt it would signal to readers of the kind of self-depreciating and irreverent humor that I employ. After some brainstorming which threw up names like TheYellowWeasel, I settled on theyodellingwanker, only to realize yodeling is spelt with only 1 L. Three cheers to the Speak Good English movement! 橘子 (Mr. Orange): While I would like to see it as homage paid to the character of the same name in cult film Reservoir Dog, it is actually a nick name given to me because of the color of my attire when my friend first got to know me. Aunty Tham: Some of my friends decided to call me Aunty Tham in response to my nagging. 贪淫伪 (Gluttonous Lecherous Hypocrite): Not content with parodying my name, I went one step further by playing around with my Chinese name. The end result is 贪淫伪, which amazingly has the same phonics as my Chinese name. Maybe I was born to be a bad guy after all. These three Chinese characters is now part of my MSN nick, and some gullible friends actually think it represents my real Chinese name. (Not so) Random Picture of the Day
I am THAM, not THIAM!
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:30 PM
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Saturday afternoon was spent at the BloodBank volunteering my blood for the greater good, or trading my blood for good karma points as some would like to see it. If it is the latter, i don't see myself reaping the any tangible benefits as yet even though it is the 4th time i volunteered my blood, and the 2nd time in 2006. Lin Chiling has yet to make an appearance in my dreamland, and i wonder how many pints of blood i would have to give up before she appears at the door of my room if i subscribe to the latter theory.
More on the blood donation, i was given a detailed lecture by the medical officer on the importance of not donating blood if you are HIV positive. Not that i frequent Geylang or Changi V, but it was mind boggling to have him look into the eye and ask: " Have you have any sexual contact with any HIV positive people or have you engaged in homosexual sex before?" just because i ticked the wrong box in the questionaire. Oh well... (Edit: Blood for karma obviously didn't work as Newcastle lost again. Fuck.) Random Picture of the Day  Good to know that my mouth isn't as big as feared.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 7:08 PM
Friday, September 08, 2006
Below are the results of a trip to the World Food Fair held at expo and dinner consumed at a HK-style cafeteria. Fried Wanton Noodle $2 Cheese Hotdog $1 Kong Ba Bao x 2 $2 Soy Bean Milk x $1 Prata Wrap Hotdog topped with Jap Curry $2 Jia Jia Liang Teh $1.50 Seasame Bun + Redbean paste Bun $1.50 Chicken Wing $0.50 Nissin Instant Noodle with egg and luncheon meat $5 French Toast with maple syrup $4 Yuan Yang with Ice $3.50 Coffeebean Raspberry Tea $3.80 Total cost, $27.80. Total Calories, astromical. 6 more kgs to a 2 digits weight? Nice try, fatty. Random Quip of the Day While the resolve to slim down weakens, the tendency to pass lewd comments is still strong as ever. Guess what i said when the cheese from the cheese hotdog splattered on my tee? "Cheebye*! The hotdog zua siao on my tee shirt!" which literally translates to "Vagina! The hotdog ejaculated semen on my tee shirt!" *Click here for all you need to know about using cheebye as a figure of speech.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 9:43 PM
Thursday, September 07, 2006
The sporting world is chock full of inspirational stories. Like how Floyd Landis raced one of the best races ever at Tour de France to be crowned the 2006 champion,
However it is not often that you hear inspirational quotes from the sporting world. To date i can only think of a few, with the following from legendary Green Bay Packers' coach Vince Lombardi as my favourite: "The darkest moments of our lives are not to be buried and forgotten, rather they are a memory to be called upon for inspiration to remind us of the unrelenting human spirit and our capacity to overcome the intolerable." So people, don't let your blood and tears shed in vain. Whenever you are going through a rough patch, think of how you overcame those dark times, persevere and things will be fine soon. ;) (PS: If you find this quote familiar, you might have seen it on this blog before, on this entry made way back in 2004.) Random Statistic of the Day As of 1120 on 7th of September, I weigh 105.54 kg as measured by the weighing scale at the communal gym. The optimist in me say that I'm 6.54kg away from hitting 2 digits, while the naysayers would argue that i'm 4.46kg away from 110kg. Only time will time where my weight will sway towards.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 5:28 PM
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Its a funny thing that we care more about a baby born on foreign soil than the cats that are massacred right on our own shores (Refer to the front page of ST Home). Sign the petition, stop the killings. (link via wurh.com)
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:52 PM
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
When one pays in excess of hundreds for a membership in those swanky downtown gyms, he gets to rub shoulders with the likes of residential beefcakes like Vincent Ng.
When I pay $2.50 for a workout session at the communal gym, I have to wait in line with artistes of yesteryears like Zhaojin, one half of popular 80s comedy act Hua Liang and Zhao Jin, for the use of the threadmills. Random Pictures of the Day  My soon to be 3 months stint in the army was spent doing an array of tasks, and one of the task was to decorate the desolated conference room besides my office. Together with my colleagues, we had this grand scheme of painting our silhouettes on the wall. But Banksy, we aren't.  As you can see, excellent ideas often don't translate to excellent end products. Look at the guy on the right, having an arm that the Incredible Hulk would be proud of while his legs look that those on a baby elephant.  And yours truely? I look like someone that the Sasquatch Information Society would be interested in. Enough talking about the artistically challenged, is anyone interested to go to the Singapore Biennale 2006 with me?
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 8:24 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
In a nutshell, the concert was awesome. Kickass kind of awesome. Before posting the pictures and some stealthy taken videoclips, let me share some thoughts and observations on the concert.
Attending a rock concert while nursing a stiff neck is literally a pain in the erm... neck. All the head bobbing only served to aggravate the pain. Ouch. While heading towards the concert hall, we bumped into City Harvest crowd that had just finished their service. Boy oh boy, the crowd was HUGE. For a moment, I was quaking with fear as i thought a riot had just broken out. But when i remembered that our efficient police force would swoop in when more than FOUR people gathered for "illicit" purposes, i heaved a sigh of relief. It is during a rock concert like this that i find out how bloody obese i am. Once again, during the head bobbing, hand wavings moment, i realized the fats residing at the tricep areas seem to possess a lifeform of its own, moving in all directions except the one that your hands are heading. 99% of the crowd came for Wubai, which was evident when the crowd erupted to life immediately after Zhang Zhen Yue left the stage. The crowd consisted of a motley crew, cull from people from all walks of life. Besides the usual yuppies and teenagers, i also spotted a sizeable group of middle aged aunties and uncles among the crowd. Two interesting sightings, an Ang Moh lady with her significant half, and my NTU BF308 tutor, Prof Tan, with with a stylish middle aged lady!! I always felt he was special, but couldn't finger the reason behind the uniqueness. Now i know why, he's an Ah Beng tutor. Hur hur. To further illustrate the wide reaching appeal of Wubai, the cab driver that drove us home quipped: "小弟啊,你们看伍佰演唱会啊?他的歌不错,特别是他的福建歌.我喜欢他那首<世界第一等>." During the rare lull moments of the concert, i was actually engrossed in watching the "Reluctant boyfriend accompanying his Siao On girlfriend" couple sitting in front of me. Tsk tsk, it was amusing seeing the girlfriend jumping around while the boyfriend looked on with incredulity, not to mention a slightly bruised ego too. The Zhang Zhen Yue segment was remarkably lacklustre compared to Wubai's, with the former seemingly just going through the motion. It seemed that reports of him being affected by the suicide of his close female friend, whom he later admitted to fancy, was true afterall. The fact highlighted in point 4 doesn't help too. Its hard to rock the house down when the crowd greet his performance with a splatter of polite applauses. Juxtaposing the two segments, Zhang Zhen Yue's seemed like a lengthy lukewarm opening act that overstayed its welcome. Harsh but true. Then again during the slow emotional numbers like 爱我别走, one could sense that he was pouring his heart and soul into delivering it. Hope he will rebound from it soon and bring us more of his irrevent brand of music. Speaking of irrevent, the special guest MC. Hotdog was a HOOT. He managed to steal the show from Zhang Zhen Yue even though he performed a mearge five songs. It was simply priceless to see him lead the young uns(me inclusive) in the crowd to howl: "我的生活,FUCKED UP!" when the older generation looked on with disapproval. Tsk tsk. Back to point 4, majority of the 7000 strong stood up when it was Wubai's turn to rock the house. The rare few, stubbornly remained glue on their seats. There was this lady, sitting a few seats to my right, showed little movements that i suspected that she was in a comatose. The crowd started to surge infront when Wubai started his segment. The police had to be called in as the event staff were simply inadequate in handling the situation. I swear that a riot would break out if the police didn't step in swiftly. Speaking of the police, i saw of the men in blue mouthing the lyrics to one of the Wubai's songs while keeping watch over the zealous crowd. Salute! While i thoroughly enjoyed the concert, it was regrettable that Wubai only managed to belt out 17 songs while omitting many of his Hokkien numbers. Hope he will return for a full length concert in the near future. Enough yakking, here're are the multimedia as promised.  tyw and yaohui, owner of 夜的诗人.  The crowd started to fill in.  Zhang Zhen Yue performing his first number, 改变．  Zhang Zhen Yue, in a pensive and reflective mood.  MC Hotdog in the house!!  The first sighting of the Emperor of Rock, Wubai.  Compare the reactions of the crowd to that of the Zhang Zhen Yue's segment.  Look at how pumped up the crowd was. Come to think of it, the guy on the left doesn't look exactly Chinese...  Spotted the police?  WHEE!! I'm featured on theyodellingwanker.blogspot.com! Feel the electricity of the crowd! The very getai-sque grand finale, taken by yaohui. PS:Because i'm in a good mood, i have updated the "(Not So) Random Countdown to Wubai and Zhang Zhen Yue's concert", with MTVs and live recordings for the following posts: Ding Tai Feng Think Happy Thoughts Look Mum! No Porn! And so it is Random Picture of the Day  Count the number of balloons in the sky and win a date with tyw. Only pretty gals can take part.
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:50 PM
In a disturbing piece of news, "Mr. Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin was killed by a stingray attack while filming a documentary. RIP Stevie. 'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin killed
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 4:45 PM
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Made my first trip to Hooters last night, the place where the waitresses not only carry food, but also their hefty knockers. While i was impressed by the level of service, somehow the gals didn't exactly knock me(excuse the pun) off my feet. Oh well....
Anyway, tonight is the night!!!! After counting down for about 2 weeks, i'm finally doing my last "(Not So) Random Countdown to Wubai and Zhang Zhen Yue's concert". I'm creaming at the thoughts of attending tonight's concert, how i will shout "Gor Bak, Gor Bak!" with 8000 others fanatical fans, jumping like a fool at the chorus of "我爱台妹",belting out the lyrics of "浪人情歌" with the rest or stamping my feet and shouting "Encore, encore" even when i know the artistes will eventually come out even without us telling them to. I'm so bloody estatic that i'm going to feature not 1, but 3 songs in the last "(Not So) Random Countdown to Wubai and Zhang Zhen Yue's concert". So hit the music, cowboy! (Not So) Random Countdown to Wubai and Zhang Zhen Yue's concert Trust Wubai to take a golden oldie and transform it into an atmospheric rock song. Hear how he changed this old Japanese ditty into the rock anthem, that still gives me the goosebumps everytime i hear it live. 爱你一万年 (click here for the mp3 version) 碍…碍… 寒风吹起细雨迷离 风雨揭开我的记忆 我像小船寻找港湾 不能把你忘记 爱的希望爱的回味 爱的往事难以追忆 风中花蕊生怕枯萎 我愿意为你祝福 我爱你我心已属于你 今生今世不移 在我心中再没有谁代替你的地位 我爱你对你付出真思不会漂浮不移 你要为我再想一想 我决定爱你一万年 碍…碍…碍… 寒风吹起细雨迷离 风雨揭开我的记忆 我像小船寻找港湾 不能把你忘记 爱的希望爱的回味 爱的往事难以追忆 风中花蕊生怕枯萎 我愿意为你祝福 我爱你我心已属于你 今生今世不移 在我心中再没有谁能代替你的地位 我爱你对你付出真意不会漂浮不移 你要为我再想一想 我决定爱你一万年 碍…碍…碍… 我决定爱你一万年…… ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- At the mention of Hokkien songs, one would probably think of sombre tearjerkers. Yeah that was pretty much so until Wubai changed the landscape of the Hokkien music scene with his inaugural Hokkien offering in 1998. Mixing Hokkien lyrics with *gasps* electronica,the end-product is actually pleasing to the ears. The album is also special as it doesn't entrely contain your usual lovesongs. One of the single from that album was "空袭警报“, a song depicting the hardship suffered by the Taiwanese during the Japanese Occupation. That's something rare, even judging by today's standard. 空袭警报 (click here for the mp3 version) 伍佰 词.曲:伍佰 空袭警报~~~~ 阮阿公空袭的时早就已经跌落山脚 阮阿嬷的猪圈乎伊烧甲臭火干 阮阿爸上班的糖厂去乎伊扫甲一坑一嘎 做田的陇嘛走去躲在树仔脚 飞凌机若来你就趴落烂沟仔或是土脚 阮厝边有人未付去乎弹到脚 飞凌机飞来的时盛盛叫是有够大声 你远远无见人是已经就知影 啊~~~这款的代志 啊~~~学校陇无提 啊~~~那当时那这呢神秘(未来嘛是非常神秘) 听说是美军要来炸台湾的日本兵仔 听说咱陇总唱着日本的军歌 听说咱着要交出锄头剪刀掺ㄌㄡㄌㄞ·ㄅㄚ 说战争是保护咱自己的国家 酸酸哟哟酸哟哟 儿仔时的radio陇听会到 对你的了解哪这呢少 历史的伤害搁有影不是亲采 自开始我陇当做是阮阿爸在说的诙颜 自开始不知咱过去有这多的目屎 现此时咱是生活在块不同的世界 不知影飞凌机何时会搁来 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not content with conquering the Chinese and Hokkien market, Wubai invaded the Cantonese market through the proxy of Karen Mok. In her 2001's offering "一朵金花“, Wubai was the executive producer of the entire album. Besides composing the tunes, he was also responsible of arranging the musical tracks on the album. Together with the deft touches of famed lyricist, Lin Xi, the album was lauded by critics as one of the most cutting edge album in recent times. Take a listen to 幻听, a single from the said album. 幻听 (click here for the mp3 version) 作词:林夕 作曲:伍佰 丝质的被单摩擦黑兔毛背心 男烧衣主角吐出一句一句南音 和金嗓子拥吻水龙头剧震 谁於珍妃井里喊哑了灵魂 讲真我只不过想我们结婚 凭积分赠饮怕解雇便冻薪 查询班机请按那忍看长平自刎 王昭君满腔悲愤母亲节愈来愈近 右面是萤幕呻吟左一句刀下留人 马上爬起身又再做人 听身历声慰问 慢步在沉睡森林再不要依赖任何人 马上爬起身寸步难行 凄凉得过分 今天收市指数於尾段靠稳 电话中这听众失恋也不要难堪 会展搞首映礼天国愈来愈近 王昭君一出塞叫醒我灵魂
posted by Stormtrooper's Lackey at 2:46 PM
|
verbal ejaculation
   Web Counter Fatty's Ho Gai Xiao
Disclaimer Sungei Road Laksa Hill Street Fried Kway Teow Wanker's guide
Kopitiam Antagonizing drink stall assistants The Male Anatomy Working Life Childhood Memories Cosfest 2005 Wanking materials
NUFC.com NUFC forum BBC Sports NBA on CBS Yahoo Fantasy Footy Gamersquare Magicbox www.diaphaneity.com. Click if you are under 18 Archives
July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 March 2010 September 2011 Credits
Designed by mela | Image from Get Fuzzy from comics.com
|
